Take Care.
Empathy is Revolutionary.
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2013
Location: Chicago, IL
Posts: 34
Take Care.
I wanted to come and update on what has happened between Mr. Hero and I.
This past week and a half, Mr. Hero has shown a surge of emotion. Normally, he's quite logically and reserved. When he's drunk he gains access to his other readily available emotions. However, this was different. Mr. Hero seemed to be emotionally sporadic. Sad one moment-then irritated -finally happy again. Repetitively, in these full circle moments.
I dismissed it as him coming into his own. The year mark was vastly approaching on our relationship so I thought the "pleasantries" were beginning to fade.
Tonight was such a clarifying moment for me. Mr. Hero decided to break up with me. He said,"It's the alcoholism and depression more than anything." Moreover, he wasn't sure if he could be in love with me the way I'm in love with him.
•He didn't want me to ask questions to his statements.
-He perceived them as poking holes in his argument.
•He didn't want me to inquire further into his statements.
-He wanted me understand it at face value without needing clarification.
•He didn't want to argue due to his parents arguing a lot throughout his childhood.
-He wanted cohesion; an aligned symmetry.
I am truly appreciative of his honesty and respectfully telling me how he feels.
This relationship has taught me a lot about myself, my relationship with myself and my relationship with God. The old me would've wanted to hate him, but I love him anyway.
Girlfriend or not, my intention has always been wanting the best for him.
I'm grateful to have known him at all. Through loving him, I learned that you can have total acceptance, total honesty and open communication in a relationship.
I came to SR for heightened awareness about alcoholism because of my relationship. My relationship has run its course and inadvertently, so has my time at SR.
So, as my last post concludes I have only one thing to say:
To everyone at SR, "Thank you."
This past week and a half, Mr. Hero has shown a surge of emotion. Normally, he's quite logically and reserved. When he's drunk he gains access to his other readily available emotions. However, this was different. Mr. Hero seemed to be emotionally sporadic. Sad one moment-then irritated -finally happy again. Repetitively, in these full circle moments.
I dismissed it as him coming into his own. The year mark was vastly approaching on our relationship so I thought the "pleasantries" were beginning to fade.
Tonight was such a clarifying moment for me. Mr. Hero decided to break up with me. He said,"It's the alcoholism and depression more than anything." Moreover, he wasn't sure if he could be in love with me the way I'm in love with him.
•He didn't want me to ask questions to his statements.
-He perceived them as poking holes in his argument.
•He didn't want me to inquire further into his statements.
-He wanted me understand it at face value without needing clarification.
•He didn't want to argue due to his parents arguing a lot throughout his childhood.
-He wanted cohesion; an aligned symmetry.
I am truly appreciative of his honesty and respectfully telling me how he feels.
This relationship has taught me a lot about myself, my relationship with myself and my relationship with God. The old me would've wanted to hate him, but I love him anyway.
Girlfriend or not, my intention has always been wanting the best for him.
I'm grateful to have known him at all. Through loving him, I learned that you can have total acceptance, total honesty and open communication in a relationship.
I came to SR for heightened awareness about alcoholism because of my relationship. My relationship has run its course and inadvertently, so has my time at SR.
So, as my last post concludes I have only one thing to say:
To everyone at SR, "Thank you."
Member
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: Texas
Posts: 478
((((Hugs, Metallic)))) I hope you will be able to take time to focus on yourself now that he has chosen this path. I say this in love to you, from experience--when I was i a similar relationship and it ended the same way, I realized the relationship wasn't the issue, it was my unhealth attracting someone unhealthy that was the issue. The problem was 100 percent in me, and until I handled it, I would continue to attract the same unhealthy partners.
I hope you stay. I have learned more about myself and how ridiculously skewed my idea of a healthy relationship was from lurking around here. I have also learned all of the red flags to look for in toxic people, or just plain unhealthy people. It is a gift. Empathy is beautiful--but not at the expense of the little girl that lives inside you.
I hope you stay. I have learned more about myself and how ridiculously skewed my idea of a healthy relationship was from lurking around here. I have also learned all of the red flags to look for in toxic people, or just plain unhealthy people. It is a gift. Empathy is beautiful--but not at the expense of the little girl that lives inside you.
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