Raspberry

Hey peeps.

After several attempts at dry periods I find myself rewarding myself with a drink. And then it starts all over again. I need to start again today but you kinda lose the motivation in the end don't you..

Perhaps I'm realising that I actually do have to quit for good. Thing is though I just want to be 'normal', and the thought of being an abstainer for life just doesn't seem that normal to me, especially given the lifestyles family and friends and well basically everyone I know. ...see how I talk myself out of things ??!

How can I just stop the endless run of drinking (not getting drunk but not being able to not have a drink) and then be able to just have a drink at gatherings and wedding etc...can I actually do it or shall I just stop telling myself that I can and admit I'm an alco and should never drink again.

Anyway, if anyone can help me with some motivating tips for today I'd be reeeeeally grateful. Once I stop I actually feel great, I just need to get through the first bit and then stop rewarding myself. I do need to stop today though, I feel like my liver needs a really good rest.

Thanks for listening to me moaning. I'm a right miserable sod cos I know I can't have a drink to look forward to

GracieLou

Rewarding yourself with a drink when the goal was to stop drinking is insanity.

If your friends and family decided to jump off a bridge would you jump too because they did?

If the first drink lead to a drunk that has to tell you something. It sounds like you do not want to stop drinking you want to stop getting drunk. The only way that I found to do that was not to drink. The first drink get me drunk. Period. There is no moderation for me. It is not possible because I am an alcoholic.

I don't mean to sound cold but first things first.

Have you decided you are an alcoholic?

DarkDays

It will go on and on and on , same old bs drunk hungover remorse. Nothing changes if nothing changes. Not too sure if you want to drink or what. But carry on drinking and watch it get slowly worse and have the same thoughts problems you are having now , that sounds great ? Have a look at the Jason vale book, read threads on this forum.
Being free from alcoHELL and all the problems associated with it is just so liberating.

Raspberry

This is the thing you see, I need to stop drinking more than I want to. And you're probably right, maybe I haven't accepted that I'm an alcoholic. I know I have a drink problem - and I rarely even get drunk to be honest it just gets to a certain time of day (usually mid afternoon) when I get really anxious and a glass of wine takes it away, then I'll drink the whole bottle.

Guess I just have to accept that I'm an alcoholic and that I must stop. You're right (both of you), it can only get worse can't it.

Thanks guys, this does help. I know I have a problem because it makes me feel guilty day in day out and the only time the guilt goes away and I feel truly happy is when I'm sober.

Thanks guys

Newatthis34

Hi Raspberry,

One thing I'm really trying to do is cease comparing myself to other people. You know the thought process yourself as your post is strewn with it. I do/did it too and I've found it really helpful when I feel my mind slipping back into it to say 'Hold on, let others paddle their own canoes, do what's right for YOU'. I know in my heart and soul that I want and need to stop drinking. If other people can sit outside in the sun drinking a cold beer that still doesn't change my situation.

It's weird, I'm really an outspoken, assertive, independent person in all areas of my life - never been afraid to stand apart from the crowd. Yet when it comes to alcohol I've been so eager to be just like everyone else!!

visch1

The title of your post indicates desperation, which means to me there is a problem. Most times people don't like to accept certain things in their lives and want to hide. Getting honest with oneself and accepting what's happening is a VG start. Getting sober is simple, just don't pick up the first drink, didn't say it's always easy. Staying sober for the long run is the interesting and most rewarding part. Motivation? How about a longer life without a wet brain and not being in prison as a starter. We must remember that this is serious shite that marketing does a good job masking. BE WELL

hypochondriac

I read somewhere that sobriety is one of those things you have to have in order to want it. That was very true in my case. I really felt like I had to force myself to stop and stay that way initially. Reading around here helped me make that leap of faith because there are so many long term sober people and they wouldn't do it if they didn't get something out of the deal. I was a daily drinker so I saw some benefits straight away but the others were a long time coming so it is easy to see how people lose motivation, that is if all they do is not drink. Looking into various methods of recovery sorted that for me because I learnt that I just didn't have to give into my 'instincts' or urges. I Have a look at AVRT and see if that resonates with you. The Allen Carr book is also very good on the stuff you're talking about x

phoenix299

Raspberry - Thanks so much for posting. I feel the exact same way and signed up on this site just today looking for the same thing as you so you are not alone my friend. Best of luck!

secretary

Rasberry, 9 days in and I still panic at the thought of never drinking again. Which is why the old adage - One day at a time is SO important to keep in the front of your mind. One MOMENT at a time. Say to yourself, at this moment I am sober. Today I will be sober, I may drink tomorrow but today I am sober. Just try to do it each day.

Also remember that alcohol does not reward you, it robs you of your money, your sanity, your health, your dignity and sometimes your job and family.

Just try it for today!!!

Notmyrealname

As long as you keep thinking of alcohol as a reward you're going to have problems staying off the sauce. I've concluded after much introspection that every time I pick up will cost me at least a hundred dollars and make me sick for the better part of a week.

Some reward, huh?

tophop

Motivation is hard thing. Damn hard. Setting goals and planning helps if you do them right way. In my blog at myhypnosisblog.net I have written more about that. No guarantees though.

FlyerNation

Isn't rewarding yourself with a drink when you know you're an alcoholic contradicting?

Sorry it's tough to realize this is for life and it becomes overwhelming. I find when I relapse it's usually because I've gotten too far ahead of myself and have lost the day to day enjoyment which keeps me sober. It's when I think that I've got this covered when I lose myself and give in and regret becomes more painful than any reward or enjoyment I get from drinking.

Olive1

It was hard for me to imagine life without alcohol, when alcohol was my very best friend.
When I realized that I probably was never, ever going to drink again I found it too unbearable. I told myself I would allow myself a drink when I turned 80 years old. I was 45 when I stopped drinking for good.
I think I knew in the back of my mind that I was just fooling myself, but it helped in the beginning. Now that I have a few years, I no longer need to think about having a drink when I am 80.

Raspberry

Just wanted to say a huge thank you to everyone for listening, moreover not judging. I'm sat here with a cuppa and it feels great. When I felt anxious today I dismissed it and took my kiddies to the beach instead. Day one over then.. Tomorrow I plan to go swimming at 3 p.m. so will just have to wait and see..

I know my problem is more long-term, but when I think of giving up long term it scares me, and so I think I will just take a day at a time. Unfortunately regardless of knowing I have a problem which is getting in the way of life I can't bring myself to use the "A" word. Not sure what this means but for now I think I'll enjoy my cuppa and continue reading these inspiring forums.

Thanks a million guys. Fingers crossed for myself for tomorrow and good luck to you all

p.s Phoenix are you abstaining today too??

duane1

Motivation for me was my rapidly declining health. Hopefully you don't let it go that long.

Avra

I have felt the same way, that I was missing out somehow. Then it occrred to me that I had really been "missing out" for a long long time anyhow in the sense that alcohol wasnt an enhancer for my life and social gaherings (like it perhaps is for some). Blacking out and feeling terrible was the only result I ever got. Perhaps by not drinking I can actually have fun and not miss out at all.

Raspberry

Best of luck Avra. You sound like a brave person. I'm not sure what the blacking out is like but it sounds scary.

This is the thing I'm battling with. I wish I could want to just be sober for life but in all honesty I don't at this time. I love drinking - god I hate to admit this on this site; I know this is the last thing people want to hear to help them. But it's true, I love having a drink at family weddings and parties along with everyone else. I'm not like everyone else though am I.. They don't get anxiety and guilt every single day and have to hide wine bottles so that their partners think they've had a dry day. Why after knowing all of this do I not want to give up for good? I just don't like the big picture.

My guess is, this is the way alcoholics think. SIGH! Oh I really don't know. I just hope the way I'm thinking is not a bad sign and that things will improve. At least today did.

noexcuse

I've often got myself caught up in the notion of wanting to be normal. Last night, however, I was reading a book and it talked about other people that have other problems like diabetes, asmtha, depression, etc. With the right treatment of a person's body, they can usually live a long and healthy life, regardless of the 'disease' they were born with or developed. It's about accepting your body the way it was created and then treating it the way it needs (and deserves) to be treated.

For me, motivation is not much of an issue. If I drink again, I will lose everything, no doubt in my mind. But thinking about it in those terms gave me a different perspective on something that I have often felt a lot of resentment over. I hope it helps you, too.

secretary

I LOVE alcohol, I think we all do and that's part of our problem. I am so frightened of going to the next wedding or party without drinking I try not to even think about it. I would kill for a bottle of wine or vodka right now. I love it, I miss it but I know it will kill me in the end. Kind of a one-sided love story.

Good job for today, Rasberry!!

quitforme79

When I wanted to be sober more than I wanted to drink is when I quit. Not a moment before. In the end, my anxiety was so so awful. Getting through the day until I could drink at night became a hell I was slowly dying in. I too wish I could be happy with just one or two but I've proved to myself that I can't drink safely. And what's great is that it's the only thing I can't or should not do. I also figure that I partied it up long enough & the party had to end. To grow up emotionally I have to stay sober. I don't miss hiding it or lying about it or that guilt!