Prayers, please?
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Massachusetts
Posts: 267
Prayers, please?
I won't rehash my whole story here, the current facts are that my son had been clean since May 25, 2012, and was taking the Vivitrol shot for support. He had his last shot on May 24 this year, and discontinued them as he "had his year."
He also suffers from severe depression and anxiety, as do many addicts.
During the last week, his behavior has been erratic, almost manic at times, he started hanging out with his old dealer- who he hadn't seen for a year, and he made some large cash withdrawals from his bank account. He called me last Thursday and told me he thought he was going to relapse...and this time probably overdose and die.
He's coming home for a scheduled visit tonight - he wanted to talk about moving home. He had planned on moving home in April, and we had told him he could. He didn't then, but raised the subject again a few weeks ago. We hadn't been able to get together to discuss it, as my husband and I have been away, so we had scheduled tomorrow as our time to discuss it. (This was before the erratic behavior, etc)
The good news is that he called his father last night and asked him to put his money somewhere he couldn't get it. (He has about 5K left from an insurance settlement).
So, while I don't have a definitive answer, I'm fairly certain he has relapsed again. I'm asking for prayers that I can keep my "center" - and that my husband- who doesn't attend AlAnon, and has no program - can also keep his. That he and I stay ok as we weather this...and that my son's higher power will bring him through this...
He also suffers from severe depression and anxiety, as do many addicts.
During the last week, his behavior has been erratic, almost manic at times, he started hanging out with his old dealer- who he hadn't seen for a year, and he made some large cash withdrawals from his bank account. He called me last Thursday and told me he thought he was going to relapse...and this time probably overdose and die.
He's coming home for a scheduled visit tonight - he wanted to talk about moving home. He had planned on moving home in April, and we had told him he could. He didn't then, but raised the subject again a few weeks ago. We hadn't been able to get together to discuss it, as my husband and I have been away, so we had scheduled tomorrow as our time to discuss it. (This was before the erratic behavior, etc)
The good news is that he called his father last night and asked him to put his money somewhere he couldn't get it. (He has about 5K left from an insurance settlement).
So, while I don't have a definitive answer, I'm fairly certain he has relapsed again. I'm asking for prayers that I can keep my "center" - and that my husband- who doesn't attend AlAnon, and has no program - can also keep his. That he and I stay ok as we weather this...and that my son's higher power will bring him through this...
Nature Girl
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
My prayers go out for all of you, this may be a rough ride, I pray it is not.
Let's hope he wants recovery. A relapse isn't good but it doesn't mean the end of sobriety, not if he really wants it.
Hugs from this mamas heart to yours.
Let's hope he wants recovery. A relapse isn't good but it doesn't mean the end of sobriety, not if he really wants it.
Hugs from this mamas heart to yours.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Massachusetts
Posts: 267
I'm trying hard not to have expectations either way - I was pretty much in the depths this weekend, re-living every agony I've gone through, every worry, every fear...but I have pulled myself back and am feeling more grounded for now...I am trying very hard to focus on My recovery, staying in the moment. I just need to stay there, and turn him over to his higher power - which is not me.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2011
Posts: 1,698
Dear Sunday, it is hard especially when your son was doing well with the shots to assist but the REAL letting go is regardless of if they are clean and working a program or not. That is the ultimate in giving it all up and trusting in HP. Someone has a saying here (maybe Sojourner?) "Either God is real or He is not". That always stops my raging heart and mind when I forget for just a brief moment who is my Center.
Praying for your peace and that inner light to shine within you: That is your strength dear.
Hugs
TT
Praying for your peace and that inner light to shine within you: That is your strength dear.
Hugs
TT
Member
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: northeast
Posts: 468
I'm sorry, SundaysChild. Its not exactly the same, but my RAS came home in November after being away at sober living for almost 7 months. He relapsed within the first month home, and has now been sober for six months as of today.
Hopefully, he'll quickly realize as my son did, that he does not want to go back there.
Hopefully, he'll quickly realize as my son did, that he does not want to go back there.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Massachusetts
Posts: 267
Thanks, hopeful - we've been down this path before. He was gone for 7 months (due to marijuana and alcohol), relapsed with alcohol within weeks, moved on to percocet within months, and then basically into everything pharmaceutical...which lasted around 9 months until we sent him away again - that was 30 days and he relapsed within a week. We tried outpatient again for about another 8-9 months, he then went to a 45 day program, and on to sober living. He was sober for 6 months, but stayed there for about a year while using and gaming the system by beating the drug tests...within a month after leaving he'd migrated to heroin. Then , for the first time HE made the decision to come clean, get sober...he stayed clean for around 13 months...and here we are again.
During his last relapse I was able to stay hands off and focus on my recovery. It was probably easier as he was 2 1/2 hours away. I am hoping I can do the same thing this time, no matter what he chooses to do. My husband is very black and white, and vacillating between "we need to fix this" and "let him rot" - so I need to detach from the chaos of HIS emotions as well.
My plans for the day involve work, then lunch with our financial advisor (not related to my son's situation, just a routine check-in), some yummy homemade veggie burgers for dinner, and then meeting with my son. I hope to get some AlAnon literature read, a talk with some friends, and maybe a walk in if it's not to hot.
During his last relapse I was able to stay hands off and focus on my recovery. It was probably easier as he was 2 1/2 hours away. I am hoping I can do the same thing this time, no matter what he chooses to do. My husband is very black and white, and vacillating between "we need to fix this" and "let him rot" - so I need to detach from the chaos of HIS emotions as well.
My plans for the day involve work, then lunch with our financial advisor (not related to my son's situation, just a routine check-in), some yummy homemade veggie burgers for dinner, and then meeting with my son. I hope to get some AlAnon literature read, a talk with some friends, and maybe a walk in if it's not to hot.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: northeast
Posts: 468
Originally Posted by SundaysChild 
Thanks, hopeful - we've been down this path before. He was gone for 7 months (due to marijuana and alcohol), relapsed with alcohol within weeks, moved on to percocet within months, and then basically into everything pharmaceutical...which lasted around 9 months until we sent him away again - that was 30 days and he relapsed within a week. We tried outpatient again for about another 8-9 months, he then went to a 45 day program, and on to sober living. He was sober for 6 months, but stayed there for about a year while using and gaming the system by beating the drug tests...within a month after leaving he'd migrated to heroin. Then , for the first time HE made the decision to come clean, get sober...he stayed clean for around 13 months...and here we are again.
During his last relapse I was able to stay hands off and focus on my recovery. It was probably easier as he was 2 1/2 hours away. I am hoping I can do the same thing this time, no matter what he chooses to do. My husband is very black and white, and vacillating between "we need to fix this" and "let him rot" - so I need to detach from the chaos of HIS emotions as well.
My plans for the day involve work, then lunch with our financial advisor (not related to my son's situation, just a routine check-in), some yummy homemade veggie burgers for dinner, and then meeting with my son. I hope to get some AlAnon literature read, a talk with some friends, and maybe a walk in if it's not to hot.
During his last relapse I was able to stay hands off and focus on my recovery. It was probably easier as he was 2 1/2 hours away. I am hoping I can do the same thing this time, no matter what he chooses to do. My husband is very black and white, and vacillating between "we need to fix this" and "let him rot" - so I need to detach from the chaos of HIS emotions as well.
My plans for the day involve work, then lunch with our financial advisor (not related to my son's situation, just a routine check-in), some yummy homemade veggie burgers for dinner, and then meeting with my son. I hope to get some AlAnon literature read, a talk with some friends, and maybe a walk in if it's not to hot.
Keep focusing on yourself- that's what I'm trying to do. I've spent so much of my son's life worrying about him and trying to get him in a position to take care of himself and his life. For me, I'm really working on accepting this is his life- for better or worse and I've done all I can do.
Hang in there- I know how hard it is.
Guest
Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: Canada
Posts: 628
Dear Sundayschild - I am not religious per se but do believe in a higher power and send prayers your way. I have learnt that relapse is fairly common in the recovery process (I used to think its the end of the world). I wish your son will come out of this soon and resume recovery.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 349
Dear Sundayschild, another mom here walking the path with you. My RAS was clean for 60 days last year when he relapsed within days of getting out of rehab. I was not as educated about addiction as I am now, thanks to SR. I had not yet learned about recovery for myself so his relapse took its toll on me. I had thought my son got nothing out of his stay at rehab. But I was wrong because he knew enough to get himself back into rehab within weeks of relapsing. I am praying the same for your son, that he uses the tools to get back into recovery. My son is clean a year now and it helps to know he has learned what he needs to do when things get tough. You will be in my thoughts and prayers
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Massachusetts
Posts: 267
Well, as usual nothing is clear cut. He has asked us to hold his money, called his boss and told him what was going on, and called his old therapist for an appointment. Those are all good actions. We've made no commitments, and are taking it day by day.
Watching him make the phone call to his boss (remember he works at an extended care program), crying as he told him, was really hard. I KNOW that he sincerely does not want to do drugs - but whether he will be able to beat it this time is still unknown. The amazing thing to me - that shows that I guess I really do have some recovery - is that I can live with that uncertainty...I'm not madly researching treatment centers, or trying to anticipate every problem and come up with a solution.
Just for today.
Watching him make the phone call to his boss (remember he works at an extended care program), crying as he told him, was really hard. I KNOW that he sincerely does not want to do drugs - but whether he will be able to beat it this time is still unknown. The amazing thing to me - that shows that I guess I really do have some recovery - is that I can live with that uncertainty...I'm not madly researching treatment centers, or trying to anticipate every problem and come up with a solution.
Just for today.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Massachusetts
Posts: 267
Just an update. I am managing to hold on to my serenity for the most part. He is scheduled to go back for a shot next week, but I am fairly sure he's still using. He's still here, although we haven't agreed to let him "live" here.
I have spoken to his boss at the extended care program and his psychiatrist. They are both concerned he his at a very high risk of self-harm due to the fact that he's stopped his psychiatric meds and feel he needs to get stable before anything else can be addressed. Good information, not sure what I will do with it. My husband's been away for the weekend, so I haven't had to make a decision as my options - Section 12, ask him to leave, have him arrested, schedule an intervention - are all pretty drastic and shouldn't be made in isolation. So, I'm "sitting with discomfort" and waiting.
Please keep us in your prayers.
I have spoken to his boss at the extended care program and his psychiatrist. They are both concerned he his at a very high risk of self-harm due to the fact that he's stopped his psychiatric meds and feel he needs to get stable before anything else can be addressed. Good information, not sure what I will do with it. My husband's been away for the weekend, so I haven't had to make a decision as my options - Section 12, ask him to leave, have him arrested, schedule an intervention - are all pretty drastic and shouldn't be made in isolation. So, I'm "sitting with discomfort" and waiting.
Please keep us in your prayers.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2011
Posts: 134
SundaysChild, My heart goes out to you and so do my prayers. You sound strong and I'm certain the prayers are holding you up. Regardless of the chaos in our lives God is still on the throne.
My son's first relapse hit me like a freight train. It came seemingly out of the blue (for me anyway) after almost two years of sobriety even though 18 months of that was incarceration. I have since learned that it is yet another ugly part of addiction that most addicts deal with. It is not the end of the world and I think that the addict along with family members who are really seeking and working a program can learn much about themselves and their addiction through it. One day at a time
My son's first relapse hit me like a freight train. It came seemingly out of the blue (for me anyway) after almost two years of sobriety even though 18 months of that was incarceration. I have since learned that it is yet another ugly part of addiction that most addicts deal with. It is not the end of the world and I think that the addict along with family members who are really seeking and working a program can learn much about themselves and their addiction through it. One day at a time
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
