OneNightAWeek

I have a question for those of you who are here trying to quit an addiction, or who have already quit.

My husband has been using cocaine for several months. It is only on the weekends ( I think ) but he has got out of control with it. I wont go into all the details because they dont really matter I guess. I posted on this forum before, and some on the family forum too but I am looking for perspective from all sides so I came back here.

I finally started talking to him about it when it was mid week and he was more of sound mind. The first weekend after the talk he reduced his use, and it really didnt affect me. He got his high I guess, but he acted normal.

The second week, he says he didnt use at all and I dont think he did. He was incredibly tired though all weekend.

Last weekend we went to visit family and I dont think he used.

But here is the question. On my own while he was in a bad way from my point of view, I made an appointment with an addiction specialist to learn about addiction and what we both need to do to solve this problem.

I talked to the doctor and he sent me some information through email and it was helpful, we had a small chat, and he asked that I invite my husband. I have been a big coward and did not tell my husband all this time and the appointment is this week now. I have decided to go alone, get some answers, and build my own confidence. Maybe Im even wrong about this being an addiction. I pray I am.

If you were my husband would you get angry that I am doing this? Would you get angry if I tried to get you to come with me say next week to an appointment? I am not yelling at him, or begging him. I understand now this is just like seeing any other doctor when you have a problem. Im just not sure he realizes there is or could be a problem. My intent is only to help him find answers, and maybe then he will want to reach out for help. I know it is in his own control, not mine. I wont be angry if he doesnt, but if his behavior gets worse and he wont get help, then I will have to take care of myself whatever that means.

Someone asked me how I would feel, and honestly I think I would maybe be angry for a bit, but then I would realize it was done out of love and concern and I would go to the appointment.

So that is why I was wondering how would others feel?

Mizzuno

Well, if I was using cocaine, I would most likely feel angered that my spouse went behind my back and sought out help. Telling another person about my use, and trying to get me to get help would cause fire to come out of my mouth, ears, nose, and head. The reason being, is because I am using COCAINE. Using cocaine is not normal at all. Getting help for yourself is the best that you can do. It sounds like your husband is in deep with this stuff. I have this feeling that you are slightly aware that his reaction is going to be somewhere along the lines of Volcanic eruption or Earthquake. This may be the reason that you have not told him, and the appointment in very near. Go for yourself, and get informed. ((HUG))) to you. I understand your dilemma.

Lyoness

I agree that you should go for yourself, take care of yourself. Perhaps you could also explain it to your husband from that angle. That you are worried about him but you need to do this for *you* and that you would like him to come but he doesn't have to. That leaves him some free will and choice, it also tells him you are concerned but not pushing which might allow him to really look at his drug use. Good luck!

least

Give him the choice whether to go or not, how he reacts is up to him. Just don't let his reaction upset you. Try not to react to him.


I know when my kids expressed concern over my drinking it made me mad and sad at the same time: mad over their interference and sad that I was upsetting them.

Anna

Yes, I wouldn't like if you planning everything, and in the end, it probably won't help. I say that because I had a similar experience with my husband planning things for me and I acted as if I was going along with it. He will have to decide himself that he needs help. And, I am glad you're seeking support for yourself. Information is always valuable to have, but he needs to be ready.

Mizzuno

Oh, and i meant everything with love and compassion. I was concerned once about my mothers drug use, and told the authorities. This resulted in my being called a "Narc" and never being trusted again. I was only 10 years old. So, I only have this perspective to go from. I hope I didnt offend.

Bruce292

From my experience (note I'm not a doctor but just a fool who has used way too many drugs in the past) is that cocaine is, in most cases, not casual. There are a few souls out there who can control it but I suspect it's rare. The first time I used cocaine my first thought literally was "where can I get more". Again, this was my experience and I'm not trying to imply that your husband is experiencing the same. However, I think you concern is well placed because having a loved one using a street drug to feel well can be a scary situation. At a minimum the person who adulterates the drugs probably has no training as a chemist and it putting things like dry wall powder or worse into the drug to boost profits. Would I be angry if my wife was concerned about me? If I did it would be a way to guard the drug which I've started to covet. Hope I haven't been too obtuse.

sbrchk

Sounds to me as if you are scared. I think you def need to go and get answers for yourself. You can't help anyone unless your ok. Plus, he'll be ready for help on his own terms... when I was drinking I thought anyone who wasn't had a problem. Take care, your in my thoughts.

Soberpotamus

Somehow, I don't think this is going to be his reaction.

You have the right to educate yourself and get outside help to deal with things. But pushing him into an appt. may not go well. Not that you don't have the best of intentions, it seems you do. And if he were sober, he would probably think so as well. But when someone is actively using a substance like this, and especially cocaine (I've used it before), it's unlikely there will be a rational response, you know?