WhySoSerious481

I have hit it. It's over for me, at least it seems that way. I have drank away everything good in my life. And people kept enabling me. I have a very good white collar career. A loving family. People who care about me. But the one person who should care about me the most, me, just doesn't. I throw everything good away. And people enable me. My job looks the other way when I miss Monday after Monday. They don't question it. And I feel sick for taking advantage of them. My family has given up. They give me booze because they think it makes me happy. They don't know what to do anymore. I don't get invited to weddings or gatherings anymore. People know I'm too much of a risk, I'll either hit on the wrong girl, or somehow act inappropriately. This should not have happened to someone like me - I was raised in a good family, provided good morals, went to a good college, a good law school. But I took advantage of everyone. I don't know why I do this. I don't know why I wake up half drunk at 10 am and immediately start drinking Jack. I don't know this happened to me. But nothing I do can change it. Anyway, I just wanted someone to read this, maybe someone else can learn from it. I appreciate this board, it has comforted me in times of weakness. I'll be OK I think. I just needed to reach out

least

If this is rock bottom, are you going to stop digging now? Believe it or not, it can get worse. I hope you take steps to make sure it doesn't.

WhySoSerious481

I don't think anyone cares if I live or die. And I get that. I've taken advantage of too many people. This is probably what I deserve

least

ScottFromWI

People may be enabling you, but you are the one who chooses to keep drinking WSS. You can end it all if you really want to.

I would also argue that you haven't even come close to rock bottom. You still have a job and a family. So it can get worse - a lot worse. You have the choice to keep those things or lose them eventually as well.

Glad you came here. I hope that you find the strength to turn thigns around - SR has been of immense help for me.

Majora

You can change it and if you really want to you will. It's terrifying, it hurts and you probably can't imagine life without booze, I know I can't. But I know it's got to be better than existing. I want to live. And I want you to as well =) lots of support to you

WhySoSerious481

You have to understand, I didn't set out to be like this. It just snowballed. I got lost. There is just no one left who cares....

WhySoSerious481

Thank you. It's been a while since anyone has said anything kind to me

Majora

No problem! There's a whole other you without the alcohol dying to be free. And you'll be amazed what incredible good you're capable off and give yourself the opportunity. Be kind to yourself, others will follow.

WhySoSerious481

You're right. I guess lately I just feel sick because I've stopped fighting. I've just given into it. I want to try to stop again. I don't want to give up, not like this

ScottFromWI

If your family hasn't left you then I'd argue that they still care. And you haven't been fired from your job yet, so you must have something to offer them that they tolerate your drinking.

And obviously you care or you wouldn't have come here. And in recovery, you are the most important person.

ElegantlyWasted

^^^^
There's something to be said for picking you own bottom. It can be done.

WhiteFeathers

Hey WSS! Welcome!

I think you will be amazed at how proud the people in your life will be if you quit drinking for good. There is time to turn this ship around. Start today!!

Crossfitdad

WSS: you can quit. If you are an alcoholic then go get help. If you are problem drinker, then just quit drinking. Either way, the alcohol is going to lead you down deeper than you are right now.

Sasha4

I care whether you live or die.
I don't want you to die.
I want you to get better and lead a happy life filled with love and friendships and success.

For me I had to start out small.
I could not think too far ahead, like my next birthday, summer holidays, weddings, christmas.

I just woke up in the morning and said to myself 'just for today I am not going to drink'.
If there was anything really bad happening I said 'if I still feel bad, I can drink tomorrow, but for today I am not drinking'.

There was never anything so bad that happened that warranted a drink.

I made no promises or bold statements to friends or family.
I saw it was my battle to fight as I saw fit.

As my days stacked up, I felt less and less like a drink.
Now the thought makes nauseous 502 days later.
I had to get busy.
I had to get off the sofa I was slumped in. Smash my favourite glass. I had to get busy.

Now there is not the need to be busy, because I am happy with a cup of tea or iced water. I mean that honestly.

I know cannot believe how I wasted every evening drinking. It would seem abnormal to do that now.

I have regretted drinking many,many times.
I have never regretted not drinking.

Please come here more.
Read and post. Post and read.
Become part of our family.
Get some wisdom, strength and support behind you from people who understand. Thats us lot.

My best to you
xx

Mizzuno

Not one person on this forum set out to be an alcoholic, or drug addict. I never had any intentions of losing what I have lost because of Alcohol.
The only way out, is up. If you keep digging this hole, it will get deeper and deeper. Alcoholism does not care about money, race, religion, gender, occupation, or whatever else a person has that may or may not define them. Alcoholism is very progressive. If you are ready to stop, we are here for support. Life is truly better without alcohol.

hayley86

I think that is the addict in you telling you that you have lost everything. It was partly these feelings and thoughts that stopped me getting sober quicker. You still have your job, you still have your family. They might well be sick of your behavior like mine were with me but they are still there and most likely will be even more so if you start to get yourself sober and sorted out. Drinking takes away every piece of self worth a person has so we feel like nothing and then keep drinking. It seems to me that you do care about yourself and you want to get help otherwise why would you be here?.

You can do it if you want to. Another point... you say it shouldn't have happened to you. I also thought the same thing about myself and had many people ask me why it did happen to me as i didn't seem the type. There was no terrible reason for me. It just did. Make the changes and you can live a happy, worthwhile, sober life.

I hope you feel better, it can be done. SR has helped me so much.

OneLessLonely

Start from here. Make a plan. Change your routine. You have been a member here since August 2012 and have only posted 9 times. Start posting here daily, in the 24-hour thread, in the Class of July 2013 thread, in the weekend threads, in any threads really. Go to an AA meeting. Read up on AVRT. Keep trying new things until it sticks. Make it THE priority, THE project. Do it for yourself.

cheapredwino

No, you won't be OK. You might be able to be drunk all day and function, but eventually all that booze will rot your brain and liver and kill you.

And no, you haven't hit bottom, but you will if you don't quit.

To quote The Killers, "Change your ways while you're young"

desertsweetpea

Thank you for sharing WWS. I'm just beginning this journey and I can relate to what you feel. Hang in there.