Iwanttobebetter

hi all.
just wanted to ask the ones of you who have been sober long-term to please share your secrets.

what finally made you give up alcohol once and for all?

what method(s) to you use?

and can you please recommend some reading materials?

i'm particularly interested in alternatives to AA although your AA stories are welcome as well.

right now i'm reading the Big Book, and am learning more about RR and SMART recovery. also waiting on Staying Sober to arrive in the mail. just want to try different things and see what resonates with me. i don't know if i believe in God or not but i don't like the idea that i'm not in control of my own life. i want something that is empowering and helps me channel my own strength to make my life better.

Moderators: i'm posting this in two forums to hopefully get perspective from those who have been successful in maintaining sobriety long term and to hopefully help other newbies too.
thanks!

MeSoSober

I highly recommend Anne M. Fletcher's Sober for Good, which is essentially a compilation of input from recovered (almost all of them for at least five years) alcoholics who tell her from their lips why they quit, how they quit, etc. Fletcher refers to them in the book as "the Masters."

I love this book precisely because it's advice "straight from the horse's mouth" not from counselors or psychiatrists or what have you, but from PEOPLE WHO HAVE BEEN WHERE WE ARE AND QUIT and also because it covers such a range of recovered people, you get all kinds of perspectives, many different paths to sobriety, etc.

Sober for Good: New Solutions for Drinking Problems -- Advice from Those Who Have Succeeded: Anne M. Fletcher M.S. R.D.: 0046442219075: Amazon.com: Books

Good luck to you!

hypochondriac

That sounds good Mesosober, I'll have to check that out.

Reading books on recovery has been a massive help to me. I just go through all the recommendations on amazon and buy a few every now and then. The list in the stickies is a good one. I recommend Allen Carr's Easy way to stop drinking as an alternative method. The uk version is called how to control your drinking, but it is basically the same book. I have come across quite a few CBT workbooks out there too. I like personal stories too, though I am starting to get annoyed that most of them seem to focus on the drunk side rather than the recovery. So far I think Augusten Burrough's Dry resonated the most with me.

My recovery has basically consisted of SR and AVRT. I felt like I really struggled though so I also went to AA for a about 5 months and got one on one support at a local drug and alcohol agency as well as a few SMART meetings. I would have just done SMART if I could get to meetings but there aren't many near me. I felt like I learnt a lot at AA though. There is decades worth of tried and tested stuff in there which is really valuable. Ultimately it just wasn't for me though for various reasons.

Oh, and the thing that made me quit was health reasons with a massive load of anxiety thrown in. I was struggling to function and it was only getting worse. Quitting has been the best thing I've ever done

I hope you find what you're looking for x

Ghostlight1

Abstinance. You can read every book ever written about alcoholism, but if you don't have a desire to quit more than you want to quit drinking I'm afraid you will return to alcohol again.

I joined here over six years ago (under a different user name) and have been sober for two and a half years. Took me awhile.
There wasn't one bottom for me. I hit it many times and bounced right back to the bottle.
It took help from a power greater than myself and a strong desire to put the energy I spent on procurring, imbibing and recovering from alcohol into staying away from it.

If I don't take that first drink, I won't take the tenth.
Don't get me wrong, I did all the research I could on alcoholism myself but I guess I just wasn't ready.
When the malady became so bad it was effecting every aspect of my life, I knew I had to quit.
AA and the Big Book are great. They helped save my life and made me realize there were others like me who have successfuly quit drinking. You'll find them here.

I was a seriuos drunk and I don't know if you're just doing research or trying to quit drinking. Whichever, I wish you the best.

least

I finally quit cause I was sick and tired of waking up feeling like hell and hating myself.

happybeingme

I hit bottom and stopped trying to destroy myself with booze. I was finally more afraid of continuing to drink than I was of stopping. I have not used any formal programs or read any books on alcoholism. Instead I found a small support forum online and read a book on depression. And I questioned everything and listened to everyones answers even if I didnt like them

whipster

I'm not a long-timer but my 26 days is about 23 days longer than I have ever stopped before in 35 or so years of drinking.

I have been using AVRT/RR because the idea of your "lower" functioning brain being in control of pleasure seeking made sense to me. I believe in a higher power also, so I could probably get along with AA except for the idea of being powerless over alcohol. I think we have the power to stop within us, a God-given power.

OneLessLonely

Just up one morning embarrassed ashamed and anxious yet again. Realizing I kept trying to cut back and kept failing. This morning was different though because I found SR.

I use SR daily, reading and posting. I also subscribe to the AVRT method. And I see a cognitive behavioral therapist for anxiety.

The Worry Cure book and The Power of Now audiobook have really flipped some switches for me.

AlexaDaly

A friend recommended the book "Alcohol Lied to Me" by Craig Beck and it completely changed my life. You can get the audio hypnosis tracks that go along with the book on Audible.com as well and listen to it before bed. The book is more than just a book to read, it is a complete method. That paired with coming to this forum every day is what did it for me.

bigsombrero

As for me, three full weeks in an in-patient program was my answer. Pretty extreme, then again I was a pretty extreme alcoholic by the time I went in there. We used some AA there, but not a lot. But we had groups every day and shared our experiences face-to-face with others in similar situations.

That was pretty groundbreaking for me - which is why I think AA is a good place for newcomers. I don't agree totally with the whole "lifestyle" thing and sponsorship relations, but I think going to a meeting is a powerful gut-check. In my experience, it helped me to finally admit this was not a game anymore. I was on the far edge of denial and getting my head on straight was a great way to get started.

Hope that helps and good luck with your continued sobriety, you can do it.

***Sounds like a great book MeSoSober. I will also have to check that out sometime, sounds useful.

Abetterway

Felt disgusted with myself and saw that reflected in the eyes of someone I cared about deeply. Also, there just came a day when I didn't want to drink and I knew that I wouldn't get too many more chances so I grabbed hold. Went to Aa for a while and read the big book every night. It's been 19 months and I respect myself finally.

360shoes

Hi IWTBB,
I had 10 years sober than drank for 12 so this is my second rodeo. I'm an optimist so I look at myself as just "experienced". Whatever that's worth.

I try not to complicate things. Me and alcohol don't get along. When I don't drink, life is better and I like me more. So I quit...Again. Now the tricky part is staying quit. Finding the path that builds the life you want and deserve is probably more important than which path it is. I think you definitely need to have the dream of the life you want though...and never let go of it. Live it, breath it, dream it.

The most helpful thing I did and do is I know exactly the type of life I want to live and the kind of person I want to be. Every detail from character traits to daily actions. Once I figured out who the real me was and tweaked and adapted a few areas, I seem to be doing okay. I try to always focus on the positive. What I focus on is my reality. Now, I can't do any of this stuff when I drink so back to the original plan. I don't drink.

I get one life or the other. I cannot have both. I found that out by actually living both of them. 10 years sober. 12 years drunk. I know for a fact which one was better now.

bigsombrero

Well said. I think of drinking as a game I just don't get to play anymore. I'm not good at it, and I'm irresponsible with it, and now it's locked away in the toy chest. We were given plenty of chances, now it's time to take responsibility and focus on the reality of the situation, Because saying "what if" and "maybe this time" will throw you into a mental tailspin. I still get frustrated when I can't enjoy a beer on the patio with my buddies, but the best thing to do is shrug it off, because that option doesn't exist. Living alcohol-free then moves from a situation to a lifestyle.

Nuudawn

It's now in my Amazon cart. Thank you.

Mountainmanbob

BabyJane

I don't consider my almost 8 months of sobriety "long term" but its a start. What did it for me this time was just being fed up and willing to suffer for a while but having hope because I know a sober life CAN be better (I had some time before this last relapse as well so I had a basis for comparison). I do AA, use some SMART / AVRT techniques, see a therapist and take anti-depressants because I finally realized I wasn't going to stay clean and sober until I did something about my lifelong major depression. It is slowly getting better. Very slowly. I'm trying to be patitent. I stay in gratitude as much as I can. The thoughts in my head have become more like noise and less like who I am - the addict still lives in there but I am learning to co-exist with it peacefully by acknowledging its existence and then telling it "NO."

All these are just my experience. The biggest help lately is volunteer work and a baby coming in a couple months here. After that, everything will change again and I hope I can keep my wits about me. This is the hardest thing I've ever done. I'm glad I did it though. The rewards are great if one is willing to do the work - I know this to be true for SURE.

Peace and happiness to you!