DRIZ

Hello,

I recently joined this forum and made a commitment to quit drinking on Jan 1st of this year after 10+ years of binge drinking. I drank a few beers in March and then once again in May I tried to go out with a friend for a beer which turned into 7+ that night. Felt miserable and had a lot of guilt afterwards so I regained my focus up until last weekend. A friend called me and I decided to go out for a couple which also ended up turning into a 4 am kind of night with about 8 or so beers. Felt horrible about this all last week and I am trying to get back on track to staying sober. The problem I seem to be having is saying no to the few friends I have left. Since i stopped drinking back in Jan I pretty much lost all of my friends with the exception of 2 or 3 people I still talk to. I feel like I dont want to lose these last few bc I would be completely all alone so it is difficult for me to say no for some reason. Pretty much all the friends I have made have been tied to drinking and I don't know anyone that doesnt drink. Looking for ideas on how to meet new friends and develop new relationships. The boredom is causing me to relapse on a consistent basis. Thank you.

ScottFromWI

A very common question/issue DRIZ. There are a lot of places you can meet people that don't drink. In fact, the majority of people don't drink alcoholically. We just think so because we seek them out.

The recovery community is of course one place to meet people ( AA, NA, other local support groups ). Next comes civic/voluneer groups. Every community has a plethora of organizations that do volunteer work, civic work, have social groups, etc. Don't forget churches too if you are a religious person. Most churches have activities scheduled all week long, many that involve social outings and meetings. Next - what are your interests? How about a new hobby? Just about every community has classes on everything from gardening to woodworking to sewing. And there are many times clubs that meet regularly to work on or discuss said pursuits. Check your local newspaper or craiglsist postings for events, meetings, social groups, etc.

Pretty much everything I listed above involves activitites without alcohol. And it's only a partial list. You just have to look around and see what is available.

Mizzuno

Friends do not leave the friendship because a person has decided to stop drinking. I would question if these last few people are even "Friends?" I know that you do not want to lose them, but are they true friends to you?
Someone asked me awhile ago if I wanted to hang out and drink? I said, I do not drink, but i would not mind hanging out. The offer has not been extended again. This is a sign of the importance that Alcohol has in ones life. There is plenty to do out in our HUGE world that does not involve getting wasted.
What about some type of class?

DRIZ

Scott-Great suggestions, thanks. I have tried a few AA meetings but maybe I will need to re visit. I will give it another shot. Kind of crazy but i don't even know what my hobbies are anymore. I was so focused on drinking /partying that I lost interest in most things.

Mizzuno, thanks for your response also and that is a great point. I have tried hanging out with the few friends left and suggested things outside of drinking. They say they are open to it but when we get together they always end up having a beer. They don't care if I drink but I find it very difficult to pass up alcohol while they are drinking. It might be best to just avoid them altogether and try to make new friends that do not drink...

Majora

Im facing the same problem. My best friend of 13 years just doesn't understand why I want to quit (she too is a big drinker) but more than anything I feel hurt right now. I've been in a pretty dark place lately but rather than try and help, she helps me open a bottle. It's hard to let go of so much at once, but you need to decide whether you want to live for yourself or other people.

FlyerFan

It is extremely difficult but ultimately you have to decide what is more imporant, your friends or your life. I chose my life. None of my old friends talk to me anymore but I have made lots of new sober friends and they are pretty darn awesome. And I can honestly say that i have had way more fun sober than I ever did drunk

WhiteFeathers

I think the recovery community is a great place to start making new friends.

One cool thing about AA is that it's not just meetings. A lot of groups organize social events to help build community and provide a sober alternative to "Partying."

The recovery center where I attend meetings just had a big 4th of July barbecue and they also have New Year's Eve parties and other events.

Before I even joined the program a long time ago, a friend asked me to accompany her to an AA dance party. There was a great DJ and punch (just like high school!). We danced our butts off and didn't spend money and time at the bar. It was so fun.

DRIZ

Getting tempted again, last week was perfect, no issues at all. Now its the weekend and I am home on a Friday night along and the thought ran through my head to text a friend to see what he is doing. Haven't done it yet but came very close. Decided I should post on here to clear my head. Hopefully I can make it through the whole weekend, I will be alone.

Any posts/replies would be appreciated.

Thanks

BuddinK

DRIZ, when I first joined up here, I had to stay by my computer and read posts, it really helped the first few weeks.

You can do it! Stay Strong

FreeDance

Oooh, I have a good one! Ballroom Dancing!!! Seriously. You can go out dancing and I have never seen alcohol served -- maybe soda and pretzels. Once you learn, it's a lot of fun to practice!