why do they stop going to meetings?
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2008
Location: nj
Posts: 8
why do they stop going to meetings?
any suggestions for a husband who has 13 years of sobriety that hasnt celebrated in two years and no longer goes to meetings? hes not drinking but certainly not the "nice" person i once knew.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2008
Location: nj
Posts: 8
let me just add in, ive been sober for 5 years and active in aa. whenever i try to suggest he call his old sponsor or go to mtgs, i get told he doesnt need anyone telling him how to run his life. eek, help!
Lot Of Love Out There, Man.
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: Missouri
Posts: 137
He has to do it for himself. Many at 5 or 13 years take off for a few years. Some return when the pain gets great enough, I hope he is one of them that returns before going back out.
A work in progress
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: South Jersey
Posts: 16,633
Why don't you ask around your meetings about why people quit going? What I usually hear is that it had to do with a resentment, or with complacency.
Might be time to add Al-Anon to your recovery toolbox. We also have a "double winners" thread around here.
Knowing why he isn't going isn't going to change him. You need to get some good boundaries in place for yourself about what you are willing to tolerate in your marriage.
Might be time to add Al-Anon to your recovery toolbox. We also have a "double winners" thread around here.
Knowing why he isn't going isn't going to change him. You need to get some good boundaries in place for yourself about what you are willing to tolerate in your marriage.
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Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: Waterford MI
Posts: 4,202
Originally Posted by eileenmarie 
i know he has to do it and want it for himself. id just hate to see him rip apart our family in the meantime. im really getting tired of the 'i hate you's' and arguments.
No, he does NOT get to mess up your family if he is white knuckling it for now.
Arguments and "I hate yous!" That sounds awful.
Yes, he has to want if for himself and do it for himself.
You have your own program to run, and if this is making you crazy, it cannot be
good for your program.
What do you need to do for you and your family eileenmarie?
Consider your choices.
Beth
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Join Date: Dec 2008
Location: nj
Posts: 8
ive certainly considered everything possible. Ive been going to therapy since last july and have been staying very close to my network and praying and praying and praying. its just getting very difficult. i asked him to leave but he wont. i also went to a few al anon meetings but to be honest, the people were a bit judgmental - insinuating if he doesnt drink, there is no problem. but we all know what a dry drunk is like. i guess i havent hit my breaking point or id make him leave or leave myself. we have a little girl (3 1/2) i hate to see her grow up this way. its just so hard to accept that he wont get help - when hes been sober since he was 19 (32 now) its like hello its simple just go to a meeting and et your crap together. but according to him, there is no problem. sigh. argh i wish there was a magic wand.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2008
Location: nj
Posts: 8
his best friend (who he doesnt communicate with any more) suggested he and their sponsor have an intervention. i told him to stay out of it bc he has to want it to get better. and my sponsor also reminded me we dont chase drunks.
Behold the power of NO
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: WA
Posts: 7,764
Here is the link to the thread 
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...loved-one.html Join us, you are not alone 
You might also consider going to Al Anon. I always say that AA saved my life but Al Anon saved my sanity. If you are in a big city, there are some Al Anon meetings called Double Winners which are for people like us who are both alcoholics and codependents. There you can share about your codie issues or how is drinking is triggering your own alcoholism with others who understand without feeling weird.
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...loved-one.html Join us, you are not alone You might also consider going to Al Anon. I always say that AA saved my life but Al Anon saved my sanity. If you are in a big city, there are some Al Anon meetings called Double Winners which are for people like us who are both alcoholics and codependents. There you can share about your codie issues or how is drinking is triggering your own alcoholism with others who understand without feeling weird.
I AM CANADIAN
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: Niagara Region, Canada
Posts: 2,578
being sober and being CONTENT in your soberity are different things....i have one lady, HOSTABE to AA...its like she is STUCK, and other one, wants to use her tools in REAL life and not be stuck to AA ....
just my 2 cents
just my 2 cents
I AM CANADIAN
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: Niagara Region, Canada
Posts: 2,578
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...-sobriety.html
this is something my friend gave me from AA, she is in her recovery now for 3 years...and practising her TOOLs in real life now...
she lives a CONTENT sobriety
this is something my friend gave me from AA, she is in her recovery now for 3 years...and practising her TOOLs in real life now...
she lives a CONTENT sobriety
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