AugustWest11

The one that tells me "I don't wanna deal.." Which always ends up me getting drunk to forget *sigh* So much for no temptations\cravings ... I have pretty much cut every drinker out of my life at this point; the few acquaintance I have up here at least .. All my friends are 400 some odd miles away *sigh* But they are drinkers as well :p

quitforme79

Hey August.... I hear that voice too at times. I just keep filling my days w recovery & prayer. So far so good!

Louise82

I can completely emphasise. For me, a big reason for my drinking was that I hate dealing. I had nearly 2 months sober and thought I could drink for a weekend just to escape and not deal with life. 6 weeks later, I'm back on day 1 again. Don't go back there, AW11, it's not worth it. I got no pleasure out of it this time but I couldn't stop. It's awful. You feel panicked, trapped, like you're suffocating or being dragged into quicksand or something. If you don't pick up that first drink you don't have to go through that.

AugustWest11

Thanx ... I'm working on keeping buy reading and all .. But I have allot on my plate and it just is getting to me more then I thought it would right now .. Well that is not true I knew it would get to me big time; but didn't think I would be willing to drink as much as I want to now KNOWING it will only make my situation worse ...

AugustWest11

I know I know; I had a major meltdown a month ago; hence I quit. It got ugly & NO I do not wanna or need that now; but sadly I don't think I ever developed "coping" skills since I been drunk or high since I was 13 (42 now) .. So I am literally "growing" up through this

360shoes

Hi August,
I could be stranded on an island all by myself and I'm guaranteed to have a thought pop in my head that would say f it...see what you can ferment with these coconuts and bananas.

I have to be sure I play the whole scenerio out in my head and not stop at the 2 seconds of going numb. I'd be passed out on the beach with a horrible sunburn and a hangover. Even by myself I still would get the lovely self loathing the next day.

There is no place to run. No matter where you go. There you are.

You have a lot of non drinking friends here!

Bruce292

I'm starting to think that voice will always be with me. I'm learning how to recognize it when it arrives and understand that it's part of me. I'm learning how to choose not to listen to it.

A lyric by George Harrison I've quoted before in this forum seems appropriate:

Every word you've uttered and every thought you've had
Is all inside your file the good and the bad

AugustWest11

Yea; and all the bad is all rushing out at me NOW

Bruce292

Those times when our brains bombard us with negative messages can be, to say the least, extremely difficult. What I find really difficult is that feeling like I'm going to crawl out of my skin. I'm still getting that feeling from time to time but it was really bad in the first few months. When the two combine I can't be anywhere around other people because I'm so unpleasant.

Hang in there man. You're not alone. Drinking/drugs just give the illusion that everything is A-OK. When it wears off things are worse.

I realize I'm not saying anything you don't already know. But repeating it helps me.

ScottFromWI

We shouldn't be surprised by AV or cravings, rather we should expect them and plan to deal with them ahead of time. Sounds like you are learning a lot though AW.

Just like we take sobriety one day at a time, we can only deal with one issue in our life at a time. Make a list if you have to, but realize that you can't do everything at once. And sometimes things won't get done or they will get postponed while other more important things are taken care of. That's just the way life is - no one is immune to it.

The bottom line though, and you've already alluded to it in your responses, is that drinking will only make things worse than they already are. That's a guarantee.

Soberpotamus

Hi AW... that voice is part of you... though not YOU... but it lessens and weakens each time you decline its requests... and it grows as its reinforced when you do give into its requests...

I think it's just a part of the human brain that's become warped with prolonged usage, you know?

Hang in there... it can talk all day long to you, giving you the reasons and excuses... just as long as you surf that urge and breathe through it... you'll come out on the other side unscathed

AugustWest11

Thanx guys. Sorry haven't responded. Been reading a book & crying & trying to get sleep since I work @ 11pm tonight. Tomorrow scares me the most though since I have off that night so will be very trying.

Mizzuno

August, I know how much of a struggle this is. We are here for you. Hungry, Angry, Lonely, Tired. Tomorrow will get here when tomorrow gets here. Right now, we have today and you are doing well. This voice does not have any power, unless you give it power.
Maybe set up a plan as to where you are going to be tomorrow? SR, or watching a movie, or taking a walk, maybe a meeting and then SR? Make a plan.

ScottFromWI

Just remember too that you've had many days like this since you quit, and every single time you made it through just fine. Go back and read some of your other posts if you have time - they always end well by the end of the thread. You can make it though again!

AugustWest11

Thanx again .. Seems even sleep is eluding me *sigh* I know I want it and I know I need it; I am just concerned "IF" ... There are allot of If's in this situation :p But As everyone says take it one day at a time .. time for tea and hopefully sleep before work ...

AugustWest11

Seems I just actually need people for a change. Funny how that works now.