TameTheBeast

So yesterday it seemed the Beast was toying with me... I took the family to the local fair and the beer gardens kept calling my name, I would just look in and then realize it was a form of vertigo and I would turn my head... The weird thing was I ran into my last ex AA sponsor. At first he glanced then ingnored me then later called my name out and we shook hands , I mentioned I was doing ok and working AVRT and he didnt know what that was and I just said a rational approach and he kind of looked at me weird and he told me to call him later... Then after the fair my wife and step kids walked to the small market to get some food and the fireworks started and a drunk woman came over and asked me if her beer was a screw top or needed a opener, I told her I didn't know and she said can you try? So I turned and it wouldn't budge and told her it wasn't a screw top and she said thanks.. my wife got upset at her but I didn't really know what else to do, weird thing was I wasn't tempted at all during that time, I just find it a strange series of events. Maybe my beast is more powerful than I thought?

RobbyRobot

You know, this wondering can be manipulated as a reason for doubt to co-exist in your moment-to-moment present awareness of your Beast. Doubt becomes just more AV, and so doubt is best resolved quickly and permanently as best you can when discovered.

Speaking for myself, it doesn't matter how strong or weak my Beast is or is not. No matter what, I don't drink anyways, so the relative strengths of the Beast and it's AV are truly unimportant. "I'm always stronger" would be my go-to answer if I was asking the same question of myself, and that would be my final answer too.

TameTheBeast

Yeah I sorta realized that last night after I wrote it that it was my AV talking... This concept is so simple yet it takes time to recognize all the ways the beast can attack but its so different than when I was in AA, it feels like I truly have hope and my life back. I love the thought of being powerful over the addiction.

DoubtfulDebs

exactly!

this is the area where i struggled a few times at first, not as in actually giving in and drinking but making it hard when as JT says it should be effortless... in the end i stopped granting my beast any person-hood, even as a metaphor (though i refer to it that way when TALKING about AVRT) and to me it's just an addiction, some wires that got crossed to mistake alcohol for a necessity like oxygen.

my beast/AV is my own and de-personalising it in that way helped me, not saying it would be right for everyone though.