HappyT4support

I am a couple of weeks into my sobriety and I am starting to get inklings of friends I am going to lose over it.

I have a friend who in the beginning was super supportive of me attending AA. He told me many times he would go to a meeting with me if I asked. So, I asked yesterday. He declined saying "in due time." Then he tried to argue with me about AA and tell me I wasn't powerless over alcohol (admitting that is the first step in the twelve step program) because I quit for a few weeks. ha!

One of my best friends also happens to be my cousin. We have drank a lot together. We spent 3 days together last weekend over which I did not drink. He no longer answers my texts or emails.

Perhaps I am projecting my own issues onto my friends but I feel like my sobriety makes them uncomfortable with their own addictions. Especially my cousin who I think drinks alcoholically.

Just needed to get that off of my chest.

MIRecovery

Real friends stick with you and support your sobriety. The others were drinking buddies who you shared alcoholism with. Wish them well and find sober friends. Would a real friend leave you just because you quit drinking doesn't sound like a friend to me

JConnell

It happened to me too buddy I lost all my old friends when I stopped drinking. To be honest I don't think any of mine had a problem, only me. Though I'm not too sure. But ultimately, you will make new ones and you'll bond over closer and more important things than just getting wasted together.

Weasel1966

Happy.... I read a lot on here about this. Happened to me. Happened to a lot of folks.

I like the tone of your post. You sound sad to lose them but the fact is you are putting yourself and your sobriety above them. That's exactly what it takes to reclaim our lives from alcohol.

Good for you. I hated accepting this pain of rejection... But none of my drinking buddies will be there with me when my liver shuts down... Or will pay the bills from a DUI. So I did what I needed. Alone or not.

Have a good sober Sunday... And welcome to the SR family.

Ken

Anna

Yes, it happens.

What surprised me, was when I removed a few people from my life, and out of the blue, two amazing women appeared in my life. One was a true mentor and the other, a dear friend. I often think that by getting rid of the toxic people in my life, I opened myself up to wonderful people coming into my life.

hayley86

Congrats on being a couple weeks into your sobriety. If people who you were drinking with continue to drink and you have chosen to stop it can often make them question their own drinking habits and behaviors / addictions and make them feel uncomfortable. Good for you for sticking to your choice to get sober and better your life. Friends who were just there for drinking you can really do without anyway. True friends will stick by you and you will find new sober friends and the friendships will have a lot more depth to them.

Stay strong.

Shining~Again

I've experienced the same thing but Anna says it better and nicer than I've been able to.

It took me about 2 years with one friend to actually get confident enough in myself to very simply and respectfully, remove them from my life.
Day to day things are much healthier for me & I've connected with some wonderful friends that I couldn't get close to before this due to ..hell, I had nothing left to give.
Now I do. It's wonderful!
My best to you

sassu78

Happened to me too. Concentrate on you and the people who are in your life once you've been through this process will be the people who are worth you.

Dee74

I lost a lot of drinking buddies, but my friends - even some who were drinking with me - supported me.

I reconnected with old friends and made new friendships too

you'll be ok HappyT4.

D

Nighthawk8820

I always say there are 2 major ways in life to see who your real friends are and those are experiencing the death of someone close to you, and getting sober. You will instantly see who is going to stick around and who isnt, and its for the best. With friends, I always say id rather have 3 quarters than 75 pennies, meaning (3 real friends vs. 75 party buddies). It can seem harsh at first, but it will make you a better person down the line. I lost the majority of my so called friends through the passing of my sister and then when I got sober. Its okay, I met some new people on my journey and they like me for me, not just because Im fun to get wasted with. Did it **** me off? absolutely, but now I choose to rise above it and see that it was indeed for the best. Hang in there!!!!

AlexaDaly

That's really hard. It makes them feel very uncomfortable. It's almost like you've come to a crossroads, or a fork in the road, and you are going one way, and they are going another. I didn't lose many friends since I would most often drink alone at home. But I talk about it at work with my coworkers. We have a very close group. I can tell they feel a little uncomfortable about the whole idea.

Flicker31

I have been sober for a month and before that 3 months. The first bit was a lot easier as I was living abroad and was lucky enough to be around people whose lives did not revolve around alcohol. As well as going out dancing I was able to meet up with them for coffee and chats, shopping etc. Away from my usual social circle in the UK I found it not easy to give up but POSSIBLE. However, a month or so ago I moved back to my home town. Then things got ALOT harder when I found myself surrounded by the people and places I associated with more than 10 years of drinking. But I was determined not to slot back into my old ways. Unfortunately the only way I have been able to do this is by socially excluding myself from my old circle of friends. I tried seeing them individiually during the day for lunch and that has worked with one or two but a few people, including someone I spent ALL my time with previously (doing guess what) I have had to let go. Its sad and painful but if I want to stay sober its something I have to do. I have much bigger and better plans for my life than spending night after night getting wasted!!! Its tough and I do feel lonely but I am trying to see the bigger picture. I know I will be lonely for a while yet but I also know that quitting alcohol will be the best thing I ever do and my life will be so much better. It takes time to rebuild a life, giving up is like starting again, being reborn, and things can't happen all at once. Don't be afraid to lose friends in your mission to quit! Good luck x

GracieLou

Welp, you could be like me that drank myself away from all my friends so I could go into isolation because all I wanted to do was be left alone so I could drink.

So, look that the bright side...lol