My husband was in a motorcycle accident - Part 1

Old 07-07-2013, 06:23 AM
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My husband was in a motorcycle accident - Part 1

He is alive but he should be dead.

On July 3rd, around noon, I had left the house briefly. He was in his pj pants getting ready to lay down, only to find that he took his bike out for a joy ride when I returned. At 2pm I called him. He answered his phone and he said, I'll be home. I'm on my way. He has yet to return still.

He totaled our motorcycle. Speed and alcohol played the biggest factor. He was rounding a left hand curve when he hit washed out gravel, started tipping to the left and tried to bring the bike up to center and laid the bike down on the right from over compensation.

He was out of control for 50 yards. He blew the whole brake system off the bike as he was careening out of control as there were no skid marks. He was thrown from the bike and ate pavement for 20 more feet before he came to a stop 10 ft off the roadway while his bike continued on the roadway and laid there.

A woman saw the bike and stopped to look for him in tall grass. I was told by the man who she ordered to call 911 that she held him until paramedics came and kept him awake.

He suffered massive head trauma as he was not wearing a helmet. He has bleeding on the brain and road rash from his right shoulder the whole way down to his feet and several lacerations. He did not break one bone in his body nor did he suffer a skull fracture.

He is still at the trauma center in the neurological step down unit as they have been detoxing him since the early morning or July 4th. He woke up yesterday and ate for the first time. They say he is going to walk out of that hospital and lead a normal life and go back to work. That's only if I don't kill him myself ( I won't but you all know you'd want to do the same thing if he was your husband so it's a joke)!

He has crippled us with this latest binge. He had purchased and drank 22 pints of vodka in the last 12 days which ended on Wednesday, minus the full bottle the police confiscated along with countless bottles of Monster Energy drink.

AND!!! As if the ass isn't lucky enough!!! I spoke to the Capt of the police department who is also his Capt at the prison where he works as a CO and I asked him what kind of charges he is facing because my little a-hole was drunk drunk drunk!!! They are not charging him with anything! It's just an accident.

So, now he is jobless because he drank all his vacation away. He used his sick time last year for neck surgery and well... you can not work with half your head missing. So we are about to embark on a financial BLOW OUT! All I can think about right now is how he told me to STFU and how I need to be grateful that he does not put me through hell! If this isn't hell, I don't know what is!!!

I can not use AFLAK because *drumroll please* They do not pay benefits to anyone who was under the influence at the time of injury! His BAL was duly noted at the hospital and prominently stands out in his medical charts as

.197.

He told me today that he is so lucky to be alive and he doesn't want to live without me. He doesn't want me to live without him and he is never going to do this again. I honestly and truly don't believe a word he says because I've heard it all before. So, I'm not holding my breath because I will die of lack of oxygen to the brain.

I am now our soul provider. He has not taken care of me like he promised when he married me almost 2 years ago on 7/9/11.

Happy Anniversary Honey!!!
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Old 07-07-2013, 06:35 AM
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Ugh. I'm speechless. I don't know how he's still alive. I don't understand why he did not get a DUI.
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Old 07-07-2013, 06:50 AM
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Oh Christ. I feel the anger and frustration and desperation.

I've seen the As in my life get away with drunken crime and drunken crime. I don't know why. People think inebriation is an exceptional state of being and not the norm, but for an alcoholic it's totally the norm.

Please take care of yourself now. See a lawyer and find out what your options are for medical bills.
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Old 07-07-2013, 06:51 AM
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Wow. Seems like even our society can be a big time enabler, unbelievable that he walks on the DUI. I certainly understand your distrust, my AW has pushed me to my limits so often, though I will admit, not nearly in so dramatic a fashion, this is so unbelievable it has to be true! My sympathies.
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Old 07-07-2013, 07:12 AM
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BoxinRotz, I am so sorry that you are facing this.

Out of curiosity--what is his stated plan for recovery (alcohol)?

Also, did anybody give you a reason that he did not get a DUI? Is it because he was medivaced out without any police presence??
Did you ask about why not a DUI?

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Old 07-07-2013, 07:15 AM
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OMG BoxinRotz, this is unbelievable. And just about unbearable. For him to do this, first of all, and then to suffer so little in consequence.

Not that recovering from a severe motorcycle accident is not suffering, but to walk away soon with no DUI, and bankrupt you in the process - - that is just unimaginable to me.

I would be furious, beyond speech. I remember that you could see something like this coming, like a freight train on the track heading toward you.

I am so sorry.

Time to take care of yourself, whatever that means to you. And time find out what taking care of yourself means.

Keep posting, we're all here with you,

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Old 07-07-2013, 07:22 AM
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Wow.

I am so sorry.

Take care of you.
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Old 07-07-2013, 07:36 AM
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Dandylion, I don't know what he plans on doing for recovery. I have nothing to do with his recovery to alcohol as it is not my demon. It's his.

As far as no charges go, I had to seek out the accident scene myself. You want a sh!tkick in the pants, NO ONE!!! I mean NO ONE called me to tell me that he was in an accident! I just happened to call him at 3:25pm, 1 hour after I last spoke to him to see where the hell he was and a paramedic answered his cell phone. That is how I found out!!!

For 2 days NO ONE from the responding police department called me. On July 5th I went searching for the scene of the accident and I was guided unknowingly to a man's house. I pulled in and asked him if he knew of a motorcycle accident on July 3rd. He asked me who I was to the man injured and I told him he was my husband. He said, Please, come sit down over here. He proceeded to tell me how a woman flagged him down while him and his dad were on their way home. She found his bike laying on the side of the roadway with no passengers around. She searched for him in tall grass and found him nearly unconscience. She flagged the first vehicle she saw down which was the man I found because I was moving aimlessly just searching.

He ran to dial 911 and she held him and kept him awake enough. He was then life flighted out. He took me to the scene and although I missed it when I first passed it, I could clearly see where he was thrown from the bike and skidded over the gravel and through the woods. The grass looked like it was a bedded area for deer from all the parmedics, fire and police traffic. The police were there and they found a full bottle on his person/bike/road, I don't know.

I was told by this man to go to the Shed which is the municipal building and I did. It just so happened that the Capt. was there and is his Capt at work. I asked him if he were facing any charges and he said no. They are just going to write it up as an accident. I did not ask why but he told me they found a full bottle on him. I can only assume they are treating it as a brother saving a brother in law enforcement. Maybe they did it to save me more heart ache. I don't know but for him to skirt that charge is just unbelieveable to me and enabling.

I have spoken to him today a few times already. I can't say that I have been very nice because I am very short and can't muster compassion right now as I have been dropped off with a one way ticket to hell. I'm happy he is alive but I'm so mad at him right now, he just needs to think long and hard about where he wants to go in his life because I told him this is it. If he drinks one more time, I'm taking my Girls (dogs) and I will rebuild my life on my own and I will let NO BODY take it from me because I am done trying to find someone I can enjoy my life with who in turn ultimately destroys it.

He thinks he's going to come home and go back to work. That M'Fer fell and bumped his head!
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Old 07-07-2013, 07:44 AM
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Running out the door to an AlAnon mtg, actually.


Just....omg. So infuriating. So sorry this is happening to you BoxinRotz.......



yeah, of course he doesn't want to live without you....And you live without him? What a thing to say. Like that's gonna make you think you need him like he needs you....

THAT sounds like a one way street.


again, I am so sorry this is happening
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Old 07-07-2013, 07:50 AM
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Your emotions sound all over the place, understandably so after all this madness.

Take care of yourself.
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Old 07-07-2013, 08:31 AM
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Wow. I'm speechless. If he has a couple of functioning brain cells he should look at this as the Mother of all wakeup calls.

I'm sorry for this whole mess. Glad he didn't injure anyone else in the accident (physically, I mean--I KNOW that it injured you).

Hugs,
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Old 07-07-2013, 08:35 AM
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I'm not sure what to say. It's infuriating how law enforcement protects its own (enabling continued drinking).

Lots of hugs for you.
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Old 07-07-2013, 08:39 AM
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Seriously Lexie! This has been a nightmare come true and one of the biggest fears I had was him taking someone out with him.

He keeps asking about his bike. I just told him a few minutes ago that if the insurance company does NOT total it like I hope they do, it will be fixed and TOWED to Harley where is will be SOLD!

It will NOT come back to this house! It will be sold! There will never be another one as long as I am his WIFE! He said, whatever you say... I will get rid of it.

He is in his right mind. How that is possible is beyond me with the massive head trauma he suffered. It is God's Will for him to be laying in bed, sucking air and sleeping. God has a plan for that man. Whether it's to be a law abiding, providing citizen or to die a horrible death to alcohol liver damage, I don't know yet. I do know that I wouldn't believe him if his tongue came notorized!!!!!!!!!
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Old 07-07-2013, 08:48 AM
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BoxinRotz, do you think that The Universe might be trying to send you a loud message?

Just asking.....

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Old 07-07-2013, 08:50 AM
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I don't need the UNIVERSE to tell me I'm going to HELL Dandylion. I'm already there!!!
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Old 07-07-2013, 09:15 AM
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Originally Posted by BoxinRotz View Post
I don't need the UNIVERSE to tell me I'm going to HELL Dandylion. I'm already there!!!
Yes, being in hell sucks.
There are choices you can make though.

Surely, you are still in shock. I know I was in shock many times in my life,
all due to substance related BS.
All-nighters, where I was sure he was dead.
Me, waking up in the morning, not sure how I got home.
My daughter having a seizure trying to withdraw herself from benzos.

Give yourself some time, and I hope you have support in the way of AlAnon.

I am very sorry for this shock to your system.

Please remember to take care of you.
Protect yourself in any way possible.

Beth

Thinking of you and sending strength.
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Old 07-07-2013, 09:43 AM
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I am so sorry for all your pain.

I know it's infuriating that he won't be charged but on the positive side, that financial burden is not going to help you either especially if he is not done drinking.

Also, I really don't want to add to your stress but I would like to add a word of caution. Watch out for the pain pills. Trading or adding another addiction is very common.
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Old 07-07-2013, 10:26 AM
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Wow Boxinrotz. Just wow. He is lucky to be alive. We've had a handful of motorcycle accidents in Alaska this summer (they happen every summer) and most are fatal.

Prayers to you today.

I really don't know what else to say, except that if I were him, I'd be scared ****less; you have great aim!

Keep your chin up. More drama to come, I'm sure.
Peace,
~T
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Old 07-07-2013, 10:30 AM
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If he's released with pain pills, they are going right up my ass! He had pain pills last year for his neck and it did not take long for them to go right up my ass.

Right now, he is just on Tylenol. Not T3... just plain old Tylenol.
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Old 07-07-2013, 11:04 AM
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Tylenol is TERRIBLE for alcoholics. It can cause severe liver damage. Are the doctors aware of his drinking? Might be a good idea to clue them in...
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