CrimsonKing

One week! Feeling really good! My wife, who I admit can be a little manipulative bought a 12 pack of lime-a-Rita yesterday and was "annoyed" that insaid in wouldn't have any. So I pretended to take a sip of hers and said it wasn't my style. I don't know why she did that cause my drinking has been an issue but ill have to manage her controlling nature with this sort of thing.

Anna

She may have done that because she is afraid that you are going to change. And, you will. And your relationship will change and it's scary for her. What I don't get is why you pretended to take a sip?

silentrun

What's with the lima-rita's lately? My non drinker husband wants some of those, but he won't bring it in to the house because I am not drinking. Her behavior seems odd since you have quit. My brother's wife will drink with him and suffer the consequences of him being a total abusive jerk to her. She can go out have a few and then put it down. She really doesn't understand why he can't.

ippochick

congratulations on day 7. seems the SR ka-tet is working for you!

LadyBlue0527

Hi CrimsonKing. Please come here and come here often. I am looking at a few things that are concerning to me. I'm going to have to back off because this is none of my business but I am always here for moral support.

This from your first post:

and now this:

My husband was very quiet and didn't give much input when I started this journey. Don't get me wrong, he's supportive and elated that I am doing this because I was a not so nice person to him when I was drinking (and that's understating it). He just doesn't understand addiction. I had to be honest with him and told him that I needed him to engage more. Even if it was just to respond with a simple "that sounds....." or even just be agreeable. My sobriety has been an adjustment for both of us. I was given a great analogy by someone that makes a lot of sense. When you're with someone for many years you both learn the same dance. When one of those person changes it throws things off kilter until there's an adjustment and realignment period. If you do the Tango with someone for 14 years and then one of you starts doing the Merengue you're going to be thrown off balance for a while. You need to relearn steps so that you're back in alignment. It takes some time and patience.

In your case when I read what happened my face turned a little red. She knows that your drinking has been an issue but she gets annoyed if you don't want any alcohol?? That's a bit more than manipulative and controlling. It could be that she realizes that if you abstain maybe the fact that she needs to take a look at her own issues is going to come to light. That's scary stuff.

I'm praying that she realizes what it is that you're trying to accomplish and becomes supportive. What she did to you would be nothing short of teasing and tempting you and that's downright mean. My equivalent would be my husband opening and waving a beer under my nose. Not sure how I could handle that.

You need to find a way to ask her to not do that, and don't take a sip! Just tell her that you're really not interested.

Please come here for support and often. I'm rooting for you! YOU CAN DO THIS!

TexasMichael

Congratulations on Day 7 CrimsonKing!

neferkamichael

CrimsonKing, day 7? You are FANTASTIC. Congratulations.

DG0409

Way to go on 1 week!!!

I suggest forgetting about the wife as much as possible. Focus on YOU. It is your decision to not want to drink. Stick to it and who cares who is annoyed? It's YOUR health and sobriety at stake here, not hers.

Next time, I wouldn't even pretend to take the drink as that leads her to think you'll take a drink again and she'll try buying something that is more 'your style' to get you to drink. Best to be clear and let her adapt. I don't think you can 'manage' her controlling tendencies at all. All you can manage is you and whether or not you drink.

Many of our SO's just don't understand addiction and alcoholism. My bf, despite having problems with my drinking getting out of hand at times, would continue to buy me drinks and keep lots of booze around and try to tell me that I just needed to moderate more. He meant well, but he didn't understand that having a drink or two just left me miserable and wanting more and more and more. He thought I'd learn to moderate as I got older. Nope. My tolerance just grew and the alcoholism grew and I learned to drink more and more!

Petecrab

One week done! The hardest part is over! Keep on going

Nighthawk8820

Whoa, that is not a healthy relationship. She should respect what you are trying to accomplish by getting sober and healthy, not offering you booze. Might be time to take a serious look at the foundation of your relationship. Maybe she is afraid you will change, but that is no excuse to try and hold someone back from happiness, especially if you say you love them. I dunno, I sense something wrong here BIG time.

secretary

CrimsonKing, I'm on day 7 also! Let's celebrate with some ice cold tea!!!

Sorry about your wife. My husband who was an even bigger drinker than I was, stopped drinking before me. He started drinking non-alcoholic beer, which now he drinks even at 10 am in the morning.

I am thinking that we have to keep on doing this for ourselves, even if our spouses are not very supportive. Marriage and relationships are so messy and could be why we drink to begin with! I'm rambling - stay strong CK!!!

CrimsonKing

Thanks so much guys! And yes. I'm on my own here. She never drinks but I think she likes the control. We have had a lot of issues, most stemming from some really emotionally abusive behavior on her part. She is the same way with weight loss which I need to do, she complains about it so I try to do something about it she tries to get me to eat. It's pretty destructive.