Anyone else need a vacation?

Old 07-06-2013, 03:58 PM
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And I don't mean going to a beach in Mexico - I mean "could you please just stop the world for two weeks so I can get some rest?"

I'm gonna vent. It's just a vent. I'm aware I'm blessed beyond belief and strong to have made it this far and I'll make it the rest of the way too. But this is my irrational "instead-of-screaming-hysterically-at-the-grocery-packer-because-he-put-the-ice-cream-on-top-of-the-tomatoes" vent.

I'm in a very vulnerable point in my therapy. I'm not sure if that is what caused it (as you know, children like predators can smell weakness) but my entire brood has decided to simultaneously be uber-needy and demanding.

At the same time, the work project from heck (not hell, that's coming up still) is requiring overtime. And I'm in the middle of a bunch of court BS relating to AXH. And my parents have decided to move out of the home where they have lived for 50 years and need me to come help them sort and drive and pack since one is blind and the other doesn't have a license. My knight in shining armor is traveling for work. Two of my best friends are in the middle of divorces and call at least once a week. I want to be supportive but i don't have the energy. a third one just quit drinking (she probably should) and is scared to go to AA and calls every other day to tell me why she doesn't need AA. Last night she got mad when I told her I couldn't be her recovery buddy and that while I cheered her on, I can't spend an hour every other day on the phone with her.

And we're outgrowing my cheap crappy apartment and need to find something bigger and I'm juggling ideas for that.

I'm overwhelmed BUT I'm overwhelmed by largely NORMAL things. So that's the upside. The legal stuff and the therapy stuff and the kid stuff if alcohol related. The rest? That's just life.

But I do feel like a bunch of things laid in waiting until there were enough of them that they could attack me in a group. (I've told them they're chickenshit and that it's terribly unfair to gang up on a person like that, but my problems seem to have a hearing problem.)

So that's my vent. Now I'm gonna take a deep breath, grab my light saber and some
Chocolate and go out there and fight the good fight again. Thanks for listening and may the force be with you.
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Old 07-06-2013, 04:02 PM
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I was just watching "A New Hope" like 5 mins ago while I work. Sounds like you have the right attitude. Go blow up the DeathStar and don't let anyone get in your way!
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Old 07-06-2013, 04:23 PM
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A big part of my recovery has been taking and retaking "Saying No 101" - because I really got a lot of my identity and sense of value from how much I helped other people with THEIR personal problems. But I think when I left AXH and realized that most of those friends had very little interest in returning the favor when I needed them. Which meant it wasn't really friendship - I was just exercising my codependent needs on them.

So I'm learning to set boundaries. But it's difficult with my own kids because I still feel responsible for their emotional pain (because I hose to have them with an abusive A). I just dropped the two youngest off at a movie theater so that I could have some alone time. Win-win really (because I can't stand another movie with animated characters ) but something I would have felt too guilty to do just a year ago.

I'm even setting boundaries with my boss and letting him know that I will work like a dog during my regular hours and in a crisis come in for a couple of hours on weekends, but that my evenings with the family are sacred.

It's amazing really how the world keeps turning even when I say no....
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Old 07-06-2013, 05:34 PM
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Gloomy rainy days don't help either. What happened to our sunshine?

I do think kids have the uncanny ability to know when you are overwhelmed. At least, mine do.

Hang in there!
~T
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Old 07-06-2013, 06:23 PM
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lillamy, I suspect I know what you need. And, I think you are on to it--from your last post.

You need some new friends/acquaintences who do not know you as Earth Mother. Some people who have never known you from your past life. Those who meet you and know you on an equal basis--who like you because of some of your traits OTHER THAN a caregiving, nurturing person. What you have is a total drain on your life spirit--an enormous amount goes out and nothing is coming in. At least, not the kind of thing I am talking about.

How do I know this? Because I have suffered the same thing. My reputation would precede me, so all the needy would line up with their outstretched cups just waiting for me to wander among them like Mother Theresa. When I finally realized this, I changed my ways a great deal. There was a new sheriff in town!!! I had to actually phase out some of the people that I knew.

I know you really do have a very full schedule just dealing with the basics, right now. But, awareness is the first step---after that, baby steps...baby...

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Old 07-06-2013, 07:11 PM
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Wow that is a lot going on at one time. Thankfully it sounds like you have a good attitude. It also sounds like some of the things (like parents moving and you moving) are a small bump in the road. It's funny when life events start coming all at once. I had that last year with trying to sell a house, sharing a car with my son (delivers food) who crashed his, trying to get car fixed, taking my dad to chemo, and then burying him 3 months later. You'll make it. Your friend who calls too much? I set a time when I don't answer the phone anymore, roundabout 9:30. After then, it's all about me and my family. Good luck.
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Old 07-06-2013, 08:36 PM
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Dandylion, I think that's exact it. I feel lonely in all of this right now because the friends who see me as an equal and not just a listening ear are all not in my state. And I'm too exhausted to find new friends.

I do however feel that new friends is exact what I need - but I had t thought about it...
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