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2 years sober but starting to not care anymore

Old 07-06-2013, 09:28 AM
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2 years sober but starting to not care anymore

So I am about to be sober for 2 years in a couple days, but I feel like my urges are getting worse than they have ever been and I am starting to just not care about the fact that im sober anymore. Up to this point I was so proud of my self staying clean but now I feel like im just boring and kind of a damper to be around. Im not really sure what it is im looking for here by posting this forum. I guess I just wanted to express how I feel right now. Has anyone else felt like this? How do you keep surpressing the boredome?
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Old 07-06-2013, 09:55 AM
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Wonton, hi. In the past couple years since you got sober have you been able to find some new things you enjoy in life? Are you feeling "empty"? It is such an accomplishment to get sober but then you have to add some new stuff in sometimes...

I seriously doubt that you are any sort of damper. Are you hanging with the same people from when you were drinking?

Keep posting, sr is very helpful.
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Old 07-06-2013, 09:59 AM
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Hello. Welcome to SR. I understand how after a time, it seems like drinking is a good idea. I have done this myself, on more than a few occasions. I would like you to know that drinking will not solve this sense of boredom, or make you feel better about yourself. You have 2 amazing years of sobriety, why throw it away? Before you do anything, please think about why you quit drinking in the first place. Think about all that you have in your life, and all that you can lose.
We are here for you! Please keep posting.
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Old 07-06-2013, 10:04 AM
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What Mizzuno said was spot on. I think it's important to remember that this "empty feeling" isn't something you can satisfy with drinking. There's something else at work here. When we are feeling unfulfilled we often turn to the bottle out of desperation - for me it only added to my problems and made those holes deeper.

Please don't connect your feelings of depression to your sobriety. Why do you automatically think that's the reason? That's like saying "I feel sick today, maybe I should quit my job and buy a kangaroo". That makes no more sense than saying you feel like a damper so you might as well start drinking again. Those dots don't connect.

Congrats on your wonderful achievement, you should be proud of yourself. Feel good today.
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Old 07-06-2013, 10:15 AM
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Sounds like you're just having a bad day wonton. Hang in there it will get better - no urges are worth throwing two years away.

I've only got 108 days as of today. I had almost a year in 2009. Thought for sure I could handle a beer. And I did with no problem. Less than a month later I was back to 10+ per day.

Took me 3 1/2 years to stop again. I still feel disappointed with myself for that one beer. Those thoughts are keeping me from drinking today.

Life is boring and depressing sometimes, but so much more satisfying when sober.

With so much to do in the world today it is amazing we find so much time to feel bored.

Be proud of your upcoming 2 year anniversary - you are reaching a milestone in a couple of days that seems out of reach to me right now. But I'll get there - "one day at a time."
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Old 07-06-2013, 10:17 AM
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almost two years is amazing!!

i was just wondering what methods you've been using in your recovery to get here? maybe there is something new that can help... like face-to-face support if you're not using that, or spending more time (like here on SR) sharing your experiences and strength, or volunteering... anything to get you out of feeling like it's all useless.

anyway... sending you some positive thoughts today, and welcome to SR!
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Old 07-06-2013, 10:24 AM
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I just wrote a huge 20 minute essay but when I hit post it got deleted. Arggh

Anyways, thanks for your post. I know how you feel.
Sometimes the further away in time we get from our "Using Days" we sometimes forget how it really way out there. I know for me, the grass is certainly always greener (no pun intended The truth is, going back to using and drinking etc. will give us a very short temporary relief followed by continued agony. Getting back on the addiction coaster is going to lead us to places that we will most certainly regret.

My mentor always told me to write down how it was during my using days so that I could refer to it and remind myself just how "good" things really were. Of course things were not really good at all, which is why I worked so hard at getting and staying sober.

There is always a cold seat waiting for each of us on skid row, addiction is a progressive disease, sooner or later it will catch up with us just as it has for most of the folks down on the "row" If we have even 1 hour, 1 day, 1 week or even years of sobriety it is probably best that we nurture and protect it with all our heart and might, it is a precious gift that should we lose it now, we may never be able to get it back, for me it is just not worth the risk to find out.

I know how things were, I don't want to go back, even if at times of depression I think a drink or a pill may help, it might for a few minutes, but are the days,weeks and years of agony which follow it worth it? We have come this far, for me I need to constantly work at getting to the root cause of my addiction, which for me was the desire to escape my depression. Now that I am in therapy and exercising and doing what I need to do to keep my depression managed, I have tools to help me deal with life. Alcohol and drugs were not a tool I could utilize for long periods of time, eventually it catches up with us.

Thanks for letting me share, I hope that you find the strength to keep sober, It is so much better then the alternative (even though our mind sure likes to forget just how bad it was or could get when using)
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Old 07-06-2013, 10:26 AM
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Wonton, 2 years sober? You are FANTASTIC. Congratulations. On the 10th of this month I'll be 3 years sober. Although I haven't had the urge to drink in quite some time, the cravings for a cigarette don't seem to want to go away even after a year off of them. I'm working on changing my behavior and it is uncomfortable and there is much resistance from the old me, but I am making some progress. I realize and accept the fact that being sober isn't going to make me rich and famous, or actually satisfy me, but I do have I less problem than I had while I was using and have proven to myself that I am better off. Rootin for ya.
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Old 07-06-2013, 10:30 AM
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I think for me this is where working a recovery and at life comes into place .

Reminds me of the song by third world " now that we found love what we going to do with it ?" just swap love for sobriety .

You got two years , that's a great achievment , lots of people here would be thrilled to get that , i hope i do .

Why not come along on the ride with us and offer your knowledge and experience on getting through those 2 years , when there are so many people to help and encourage it's very seldom boring here for long

Bestwishes, m
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Old 07-06-2013, 10:53 AM
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Wonton, thank you for your post. It relieved me to read it even though I'm sorry for your suffering.

At 17 months sober I have been having a siege of strong cravings for about two months and it does wear me down. It has not been this bad and constant both since the first six months of sobriety and it has shocked and depressed me. I keep thinking, am I going to have to live with this at this level and frequency again?.... because I don't feel like I can do this indefinitely! It is so painful to be back in this spot. And it is disappointing to me too. I feel like my hard work is letting me down.

Now in REALITY land, (not my crazytown above) I know that I am facing deep things that I have avoided facing for a dozen years. I know I feel very out of control of my future and am running out of steps to take on my part. I know my sphere of influence in these situations is dwindling. And I know all this gives me a lot of anxiety, and I want to quell it with alcohol.

But I also know this is why I got addicted to alcohol to begin with. Last time I had to deal wih these same set of circumstances I coped by drinking. This is a doever trial and man is it rough. Obviously I have a hard time surrendering and bursting my illusion that I have little control of outcomes is frankly terrifying to me.

But luckily, risking getting alcohol dependent again is even MORE terrifying. Unlike some peoples feedback on this thread I never forget how bad it was and how narrowly I escaped. Talk about out of control! That kind of desperation and degeneracy is as out of control as there is.

Anyway I feel for you. I am glad you wrote. I've not written all this anywhere here before because I like to encourage people and I feared if I said what I was feeling it would discourage others. But you posted and now you have encouraged me. Your honesty helped me and I hope it helped you as well.

Keep posting. Big hugs, EQ.
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