I want to become sober and I love my wife.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: Korea and USA
Posts: 1
I want to become sober and I love my wife.
Hello everyone!
First, this site seems awesome, and much love to all!!
Second, as you might have guessed from the context, I've got an alcohol problem (and a sweetie who I love a lot).
I'm educated (like most of you), and know that alcohol is stupid (like most of you). I'm hiding it (like some of you), and newly married (like some of you).
I just need some motivation. I've read through Alan Carr's book, but it didn't convince me enough. It prompted me to stop for two weeks before wondering "what if," which is what landed me where I am today. I know that drinking is awful, but I still do it, and I love my wife MUCH more than it. But I still do it, and I don't tell her because I believe (each day) that I will stop in spite of nights indicating otherwise. This deception reveals itself as much to myself as it does to my wife.
Are there any recommendations from here? Any books or ideas? I really recognize my problem, love my wife, and want sobriety, but there is some small, hard to identify thorn in the way. Thank you all very much.
First, this site seems awesome, and much love to all!!
Second, as you might have guessed from the context, I've got an alcohol problem (and a sweetie who I love a lot).
I'm educated (like most of you), and know that alcohol is stupid (like most of you). I'm hiding it (like some of you), and newly married (like some of you).
I just need some motivation. I've read through Alan Carr's book, but it didn't convince me enough. It prompted me to stop for two weeks before wondering "what if," which is what landed me where I am today. I know that drinking is awful, but I still do it, and I love my wife MUCH more than it. But I still do it, and I don't tell her because I believe (each day) that I will stop in spite of nights indicating otherwise. This deception reveals itself as much to myself as it does to my wife.
Are there any recommendations from here? Any books or ideas? I really recognize my problem, love my wife, and want sobriety, but there is some small, hard to identify thorn in the way. Thank you all very much.
Mini Novel Post Writer
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: Maine
Posts: 3,649
sauranic
You couldn't have picked a better place to come to. There are some great people and you're going to get some great recommendations.
I am fairly new to sobriety, day 39. What I can offer is that I think that the thorn that you might be talking about are cravings. Your what ifs are what could be your AV (addictive voice) which anyone who is an addict experiences.
You came here for a reason, if alcohol didn't create problems in your life then you wouldn't be here. You're also hiding alcohol, that's a tell in itself.
You stated that you read Alan Carr's book and it didn't convince you enough. Curious as to what that was I went and looked up the book and when I read the title "The Easy Way to Stop Drinking" my mind exploded with thoughts. If being completely honest it gave me a little fit of insane giggles. I mean absolutely no disrespect to anyone who has read the book and who it worked for. If it even worked for one person it's worth it's weight in gold. I just simply find it amusing for me, that's all.
There are many pieces of literature and programs out there to assist in sobriety. You have to find what works for you. Obviously the book didn't. All that I can offer is that with three attempts at moderation (which makes for four times quitting) that what finally worked for me is that I wanted to quit. I have no shut off valve and alcohol was making my life a mess. I have also come to learn that I am going to crave it but have found tools to help me squelch those cravings (perhaps your thorn). For me it's a combo of AA, this message board, an awesome sponsor, and my family. When I start thinking about the what ifs that you're speaking of I immediately come here. I look to see if there's an AA meeting. I make a plan. I do whatever is necessary to divert my thoughts to the what ifs and remind myself that I may feel the way that I do right now but it's going to pass. In a few hours or so I won't be feeling how I do right now and I just need to do whatever it is that I need to do to get me to that place.
You don't say much about how much you drink or how often. Things may differ for you. I was a weekend warrior who sought a path of destruction one night on the weekend seeing if I could break the world record on number of beers ingested in one evening. It really wasn't fun now that I think back on it but it took some time being abstinent to see that. I can't get away with hiding it (which is a good thing) because my husband would smell it a mile away.
You're going to get a lot of good advice here both from newly sober people and old timers. It's life changing and I'm glad that you're here. You've taken the first step. My signature line says it all.
YOU CAN DO THIS!
You couldn't have picked a better place to come to. There are some great people and you're going to get some great recommendations.
I am fairly new to sobriety, day 39. What I can offer is that I think that the thorn that you might be talking about are cravings. Your what ifs are what could be your AV (addictive voice) which anyone who is an addict experiences.
You came here for a reason, if alcohol didn't create problems in your life then you wouldn't be here. You're also hiding alcohol, that's a tell in itself.
You stated that you read Alan Carr's book and it didn't convince you enough. Curious as to what that was I went and looked up the book and when I read the title "The Easy Way to Stop Drinking" my mind exploded with thoughts. If being completely honest it gave me a little fit of insane giggles. I mean absolutely no disrespect to anyone who has read the book and who it worked for. If it even worked for one person it's worth it's weight in gold. I just simply find it amusing for me, that's all.
There are many pieces of literature and programs out there to assist in sobriety. You have to find what works for you. Obviously the book didn't. All that I can offer is that with three attempts at moderation (which makes for four times quitting) that what finally worked for me is that I wanted to quit. I have no shut off valve and alcohol was making my life a mess. I have also come to learn that I am going to crave it but have found tools to help me squelch those cravings (perhaps your thorn). For me it's a combo of AA, this message board, an awesome sponsor, and my family. When I start thinking about the what ifs that you're speaking of I immediately come here. I look to see if there's an AA meeting. I make a plan. I do whatever is necessary to divert my thoughts to the what ifs and remind myself that I may feel the way that I do right now but it's going to pass. In a few hours or so I won't be feeling how I do right now and I just need to do whatever it is that I need to do to get me to that place.
You don't say much about how much you drink or how often. Things may differ for you. I was a weekend warrior who sought a path of destruction one night on the weekend seeing if I could break the world record on number of beers ingested in one evening. It really wasn't fun now that I think back on it but it took some time being abstinent to see that. I can't get away with hiding it (which is a good thing) because my husband would smell it a mile away.
You're going to get a lot of good advice here both from newly sober people and old timers. It's life changing and I'm glad that you're here. You've taken the first step. My signature line says it all.
YOU CAN DO THIS!
Dismember
Join Date: Aug 2008
Location: The Mitten, USA
Posts: 1,641
I think sometimes it's better to just move ahead and not worry about identifying all the "thorns" right away. It was an irresistable temptation to want to have everything figured out at the start. But there's things that cannot be known or rationalized except through experience and time.
Grateful
Join Date: May 2013
Location: NC
Posts: 1,763
I know that drinking is awful, but I still do it, and I love my wife MUCH more than it.
I also found out that no matter how hard I tried I couldn't quit by myself and I needed help. For me that help is AA, SR (this website) and outpatient therapy. I'm still early in sobriety so I need a recovery program including face to face support as well as SR, and I need to utilize it every day. Good luck and keep posting here often. It's a great place for support, a great place to vent, a great place to ask questions and a great place to educate yourself about alcoholism.
Hears The Voice
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: Unshackled
Posts: 7,901
Welcome to SR.
I found knowledge to be empowering. Read around the various forums here. Members here are successfully using many different strategies to stay sober. Find the one that you think will work best for you, and get going! You can do this.
I found knowledge to be empowering. Read around the various forums here. Members here are successfully using many different strategies to stay sober. Find the one that you think will work best for you, and get going! You can do this.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,352
Hi sauronic
maybe it's time to pull out all the stops - tell your wife and look for support - not only here but maybe even investigate some face to face stuff like AA or non 12 step things like SMART?
I couldn't win this fight with one hand tied behind my back.
D
maybe it's time to pull out all the stops - tell your wife and look for support - not only here but maybe even investigate some face to face stuff like AA or non 12 step things like SMART?
I couldn't win this fight with one hand tied behind my back.
D
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,460
"The Seat of the Soul" by Gary Zukav
"A New Earth" by Eckhart Tolle
"Drinking: A Love Story" by Caroline Knapp
And our Sticky:
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...rituality.html
"A New Earth" by Eckhart Tolle
"Drinking: A Love Story" by Caroline Knapp
And our Sticky:
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...rituality.html
Member
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: Texas
Posts: 105
Originally Posted by Isaiah 
I think sometimes it's better to just move ahead and not worry about identifying all the "thorns" right away. It was an irresistable temptation to want to have everything figured out at the start. But there's things that cannot be known or rationalized except through experience and time.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: El Cerrito, California
Posts: 580
I think it's good to go to a lot of meetings even if you're still drinking.
What I did was try the "90 in 90"--ninety meetings in ninety days, and not drinking between meetings. I ended up going to a lot more. It can be helpful to talk to a professional; many people need something more than AA, like in-patient our out-patient. The early going isn't fun, but it can be a life changing proposition if you stick with it.
I discovered I was an alcoholic by the fact that I was going through physical changes (detoxing) and obsessing about alcohol a lot. And went on from there.
What I did was try the "90 in 90"--ninety meetings in ninety days, and not drinking between meetings. I ended up going to a lot more. It can be helpful to talk to a professional; many people need something more than AA, like in-patient our out-patient. The early going isn't fun, but it can be a life changing proposition if you stick with it.
I discovered I was an alcoholic by the fact that I was going through physical changes (detoxing) and obsessing about alcohol a lot. And went on from there.
Nothing is impossible!
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: EAGAN
Posts: 792
Originally Posted by sauronic
Hello everyone!
First, this site seems awesome, and much love to all!!
Second, as you might have guessed from the context, I've got an alcohol problem (and a sweetie who I love a lot).
I'm educated (like most of you), and know that alcohol is stupid (like most of you). I'm hiding it (like some of you), and newly married (like some of you).
I just need some motivation. I've read through Alan Carr's book, but it didn't convince me enough. It prompted me to stop for two weeks before wondering "what if," which is what landed me where I am today. I know that drinking is awful, but I still do it, and I love my wife MUCH more than it. But I still do it, and I don't tell her because I believe (each day) that I will stop in spite of nights indicating otherwise. This deception reveals itself as much to myself as it does to my wife.
Are there any recommendations from here? Any books or ideas? I really recognize my problem, love my wife, and want sobriety, but there is some small, hard to identify thorn in the way. Thank you all very much.
First, this site seems awesome, and much love to all!!
Second, as you might have guessed from the context, I've got an alcohol problem (and a sweetie who I love a lot).
I'm educated (like most of you), and know that alcohol is stupid (like most of you). I'm hiding it (like some of you), and newly married (like some of you).
I just need some motivation. I've read through Alan Carr's book, but it didn't convince me enough. It prompted me to stop for two weeks before wondering "what if," which is what landed me where I am today. I know that drinking is awful, but I still do it, and I love my wife MUCH more than it. But I still do it, and I don't tell her because I believe (each day) that I will stop in spite of nights indicating otherwise. This deception reveals itself as much to myself as it does to my wife.
Are there any recommendations from here? Any books or ideas? I really recognize my problem, love my wife, and want sobriety, but there is some small, hard to identify thorn in the way. Thank you all very much.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: Portland, OR
Posts: 1,635
Unfortunately, if you are an alcoholic, loving your spouse will not treat your alcoholism. You have a lot of options to treat it though. You received some great advice. I find AA and working the steps to be the solution for my recovery, but there are many other options.
A Day at a Time
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Grand Rapids MI
Posts: 6,435
One thing that has helped me is sticking with winners. Find people that have a lot of sobriety multiple years. Then do what they do. People with 10 plus years of sobriety know what they're doing and I pattern my behavior after them and take their advice. I failed miserably doing it my way now it is time to listen to somebody else
Member
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: San Jose ca
Posts: 12
Originally Posted by sauronic
Hello everyone!
First, this site seems awesome, and much love to all!!
Second, as you might have guessed from the context, I've got an alcohol problem (and a sweetie who I love a lot).
I'm educated (like most of you), and know that alcohol is stupid (like most of you). I'm hiding it (like some of you), and newly married (like some of you).
I just need some motivation. I've read through Alan Carr's book, but it didn't convince me enough. It prompted me to stop for two weeks before wondering "what if," which is what landed me where I am today. I know that drinking is awful, but I still do it, and I love my wife MUCH more than it. But I still do it, and I don't tell her because I believe (each day) that I will stop in spite of nights indicating otherwise. This deception reveals itself as much to myself as it does to my wife.
Are there any recommendations from here? Any books or ideas? I really recognize my problem, love my wife, and want sobriety, but there is some small, hard to identify thorn in the way. Thank you all very much.
First, this site seems awesome, and much love to all!!
Second, as you might have guessed from the context, I've got an alcohol problem (and a sweetie who I love a lot).
I'm educated (like most of you), and know that alcohol is stupid (like most of you). I'm hiding it (like some of you), and newly married (like some of you).
I just need some motivation. I've read through Alan Carr's book, but it didn't convince me enough. It prompted me to stop for two weeks before wondering "what if," which is what landed me where I am today. I know that drinking is awful, but I still do it, and I love my wife MUCH more than it. But I still do it, and I don't tell her because I believe (each day) that I will stop in spite of nights indicating otherwise. This deception reveals itself as much to myself as it does to my wife.
Are there any recommendations from here? Any books or ideas? I really recognize my problem, love my wife, and want sobriety, but there is some small, hard to identify thorn in the way. Thank you all very much.
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