Acheleus

Today is a soggy day here but I did walk through the woods this afternoon. Trying to relax and calm down but worrying that I am missing out on a lot of life. Tired and might nap then reward myself with some thing for being sober this long. Still not smoking. Still tired a lot of the time. Is my body healing? How long will I feel this fatigue?

LadyinBC

Hi Acheleus,

Congrats on day 36! Good on you for the not smoking. I haven't quit that one yet.

Yes, your body is healing and it just takes a little time. I abused my body for so long that it needed time to get better.

I use to think I was missing out, but I am really not. I have a calm, simple life right now and that makes me very happy!

soberclover

I believe the body and the mind take awhile to heal. The longer I stay sober the more of my "issues" regarding living a responsible life I am able to reflect upon, change, and put in to practice. This makes me tired at times and I have 7 months. Your energy, however, will increase soon.

Mizzuno

Acheleus, I know that you have a doctors appointmenr coming up. This fatigue could be related to your depression. What could you possibly missing out on? Hungovers, and not remembering anything is nothing to miss out on. Keep pushing through.

Acheleus

Thank you. I am going to relax some now and try to stop worrying.

IWillWin

Hi Ach! Well done on 36 days!!!!!!!! I know it has been quite the battle and it is wonderful to see you pushing through!

I was exhausted for about 2-3 months so don't sweat it yet. Do mention it to your doctor though just to be sure all is well.

As for missing out I can relate. I am 10 months in and my life has changed drastically. I went from a high stress, long hour position to a much less stressful job that doesn't require even remotely the brain power I expended at my last. I made a conscious choice to take this job (equal pay, believe it or not!) and I did so prior to my getting sober. The adjustment of not being a workaholic or an alcoholic is still difficult for me since those things consumed all of my time. I find myself with full days of nothing required of me and the feeling is unusual to me. But, I'm learning slowly to appreciate it and embrace the simple and quiet of life now. I longed for it so much be the reality of it is quite different. I know that I do prefer this life and I enjoy it most times, but I do struggle with the "what is everyone else doing?" syndrome too. Napping is something that was foreign to me, as was spending time just actually sitting still, and I'm adjusting as time goes on.

It is a process and it requires attention every day but it is better than being in a brain fog, making stupid decisions and running myself ragged all the time.

Anyway, I've taken up watching TV as a bit of a hobby and it is not exactly going to lead to membership in Mensa but it passes the time and I learn a lot

Keep the faith and keep going!!! I will too...we are doing this!!!

Iwanttobebetter

well done on 36 days! have you ever been tested for sleep apnea? i was run down and sometimes crushingly tired for years until i had a sleep study last year and found out i had severe sleep apnea. i was shocked because i'm a woman at a healthy weight. still, it affects many people and sometimes doctors don't diagnose you because you're not the classic sleep apnea patient. maybe you can mention this when you see your doctor. wishing you all the best. i'm rooting for you.

bemyself

Hi Acheleus,

Well done you, on 36 days.

The 'take out' message (as much as I hate that expression, connotations of the professional workplace and conferences and such - ugghhhh) that I reckon is your key, which you're coming to identify yourself is:

Lady in BC: the calm and simple life.
I will Win: a simple quiet life.

Or words to that effect.

'Calm'.
'Simple'.
'Quiet'.

These are good. Very good. It's only our frenetic, complex and noisy type of society (Western style) which appears to set some spurious 'rules' otherwise. You know already, I believe, which mode will work for you.

Acheleus

Yes deep down I do prefer the quiet, contemplative life. My alcoholism wants chaos and destruction, though. Sleep apnea? I have never been tested for it, but I have trouble falling asleep early, I like being up late and sometimes I wont fall asleep until the am. A lot of memories and things are coming to the surface that I have never dealt with, and when I was drinking, even if I only binged once a week, the brain fog would last through the week and I would not have to deal with these horrible things that have happened to me. My father told me a story about him taking me to bars with him when I was two years old and I would order virgin pina coladas, or he would order them for me rather, and that one night the bartender made me a "real" one. He said I slept all the next day...What ******* chance did I have if I got ********* at two? Oh well. Trying to be sober from now on.

Nighthawk8820

You know, I always look forward to your daily updates because they are inspirational, since your willpower is awe inspiring. You are healing and you have come so far. Its very impressive and I am very proud of you!!!! I know I dont know you, but you should be proud my friend.

Acheleus

Thank you. I just hope I don't lose my mind. These emotions are difficult to deal with, but I have the nature center that has kind of become a church for me. Thanks for the encouragement, you should be proud for staying sober. I can't wait until I have some more time.