LoveMeNow

Of my friends and family trying to tell me what I should do, what I should say or what to think. I can't even express a complete thought without being interrupted. And of course, they all have different opinions or ideas.

I told a friend tonight "please stop, I am confused enough " but she couldn't so I finally ended the conversation. And the thing is, I know she is in a very unhappy relationship. I bit my tongue from saying....geesh, maybe you should practice your own advice.

I am open to advice but there is a difference from advice or trying to control someone. Sometimes, the more I feel pushed, the more I dig my heels in and want to prove people wrong. Then i just get defensive and think This is my life, I will do what I want....which isn't the healthiest way to make a decision I have found.

I know their intentions are good, but I feel so overwhelmed and just wish I could talk it out with my own thoughts and feelings. I know I have a nail in my forehead buts it's not about the nail.

Thank you for letting me vent....uninterrupted.

cynical one

Wing

Lovemenow,

Last nite, I was thinking about u and wonder how u were doing. Just want to send u support and hug. I understand how u feel coz i am experiencing the same. You are making your own progress. Don't stress out becoz what what your friends say. They are not in your position and they don't know what u are going through. It's always easier to comment and suggest as an outsider instead of really doing it. They had no idea how the addiction damaged us slowly and we need time to heal.

I'm moving 2 steps forward and 1 step backward... No matter how slow it is, it's still a progress.

Take care.
With love,

Wing

Ann

LMN, as well meaning as they may think they are, and as much as they love you and want what "they" think is best for you, only you can decide and you can take your time to weigh your options. It doesn't matter who approves, what is right for you is right for you.

I don't know if you go to meetings, but they are one place I felt safe sharing anything I needed to talk out. I was surrounded by support of people who truly understood my struggle and it helped me very much to stay grounded and find strength when I was exhausted. Maybe give it a try. Try a few because it takes a while to get the hang of it, but I promise it will help.

Your emotions are raw right now, you are tired and to try to figure out the future when you can hardly make it through today is overwhelming. Cut yourself a break, take a day just for you to get out of yourself and your house and your situation and just find peace somewhere. For me, nature is the answer, if I can get to a beach or a forest and just find quietude for a while, the answers come.

You will be okay, I promise you will, just don't forget to take very good care of you along the way.

Hugs

jerect

I understand completely what you are feeling.. When I was divorcing my ex I had so many well meaning people try to tell me .. Do this... Do that.. Don't do this... It was frustrating and it made a painful situation seem even more overwhelming... I did have one friend though that just sat back and listened, never once gave me any advice and I appreciated that more then anything..

People mean well and I think they just care but they don't understand until they have walked your path...

Much strength and hugs to you

Kindeyes

Sometimes we have to take people like we take days.......one.....at a time.

You're doing ok LMN.

Take care of you!

gentle hugs
ke

incitingsilence

You still writing in a journal. I find it has been a god send when I just what to get out what I feel and I don’t want the array of differing opinions and thoughts that tend to complicate the confusion I already feel.

I think the hardest part is there is no way to know what the outcome will be no matter what you choose to do. All the decisions we make never show the end result as we make them, we always have to wait. And we all struggle in someway with the unknown. I mean really who hasn’t wanted the crystal ball to give them a peek.

But in this madness where codie characteristics are milling about …

I hate to say this and further complicate things in your head but neither decision means much if you can’t commit to you.. Hell no decision even had to be made except to commit to you. The answers will not be found in that to stay or leave argument. At least that I have found. It was when I removed that distraction in my head that made it easier to concentrate my efforts on me.

The only wrong thing to do would be to cheat yourself of the time needed to work on you. Staying stuck in what do I do, should I leave, should I stay, what would people think, what would this one do, what would that one do … why are they saying that, look at their life …. What a great distraction but nothing in that is about who am I, what do I need, how do I find what I need, what will bring me peace, ( and am I really sure I can ask that because I don’t know who I am) where am I the main part of my problem, where am I adding to the chaos, where am I healthier, how do I build on my core beliefs…how do I build my house of bricks not sticks lacking conviction…

Find you as that is still the only place the answers are.


Big hugs, it sucks, been there done that, made it probably much harder than it needed to be, but then I don’t think there was any easy way out.

Take good care…

lizwig

Good Morning Lovemenow, Boy can I relate to this! I have 2 family members who are drug and alcohol counselors and another who is a metaphysical reiki master, she can see energies, etc....SO....let me just start by saying while dealing with my son's addiction issues for the past 5 years I received more unsolicited advice than I could handle. And I will tell you I am no ninny. Am extremely self-sufficient and wasn't asking for their input. For whatever reason these family members felt the need to tell me exactly what method to try, do this, do that, don't do this, oh...you shouldn't have done that....why did you do that....why did you wait so long to do that? I finally had a "comin to Jesus" with all of them. I gently explained that I had put boundaries in place in regards to my son and that moving forward I requested they only give me advice if I specifically ask for it. I come from a family of "opinion and advice" flingers....myself included....so I think they were all offended to some degree. I did take the time to tell them I know they are motivated by love but felt the advice they were giving me was misdirected. I explained that until my son came to them for advice they should refrain from giving it to him as well. They were pretty standofish for a while but I've made a good attempt about making sure I contact them and talking about light things. If they ask about him, I give them the quick "headlines" only. No detail and bring the subject back to something else. I've reassured them I'm seeking help for myself through support avenues and that if the time comes I feel I want/need more support from them I will ask but really need them to see me as separate from him for the time being. Just so you know how out of control it used to be...on top of the daily chaotic phone calls from my son...here's a brief description of the morning I finally cracked and said "no more". Quiet morning with my husband, coffee, nice chat, had taken the day off work to get caught up at home. Call from counselor #1 "I was just thinking about you and wondered if you've ever just told ### not to contact you until he is ready for help" (yes, she already knew this)....text from the other counselor...."your son just posted such and such on fb.....you need to tell him to grow the F%$* up".....phone call from the reiki master "I just checked ####'s energy and it is in reverse....I think today is the day he's finally going to hit bottom so be prepared". Um yeah. He didn't hit bottom but I DID!! Craziness. I knew all along I needed to trust MY gut...that only if I felt truly strongly about something would it make a difference. The support of this site and al-anon has been exactly what I need....good solid advice from people who have walked very similar paths...and the ability to transfer their experience, strength and hope to others through their words. Truly healing. I wish you strength LMN....trust yourself....ask direct questions if you need to but let your family and friends know you are doing well within yourself and will seek their advice if you find yourself needing more. Big hug to you today.

Chino

Your therapist will let you do that

ShootingStar1

It's okay to put them all on "mute".

And come here and say whatever you want to say, no holds barred, no expectations, take what you want and leave the rest.

It's Independence Day within a few hours!

ShootingStar1

eggdogg1234

I got a divorce BECAUSE other people told me to. I didn't want to. I didn't think I needed to. It went against everything I vowed. I am very grateful that I did get a divorce. I am not sure that my ex or I would be alive right now if I hadn't.