frustrated0210

My brother just got his 2nd extreme DUI in AZ.....(jail time, here he comes). He already lost his job before he got his 2nd extreme DUI. He lives with our mother who is 85 and financially supports him. She also enables him to NO END. At this time, my mom is mad at me and not talking to me because i don't give my brother the compassion she thinks he needs. Iam so angry that she enables him so and he plays her like a fiddle. She wont wake up and see the light. I can't give compassion to him until i see he's making an effort which hasn't happened. I haven't talked to him or my mom in a week now. I was married to an alcoholic for 10 years some 20 years ago. I went to Al-Anon then for 5 years. I finally left him and raised my kids alone 3 & 5 at the time. I find it different when its your brother vs. your spouse. I believe i need to go back to an Al-Anon meeting and get a refresher course? Advise, please?

Sueski

Well, AlAnon can't hurt! It might be good support for you through this painful situation.

It's totally different when it's a brother and when it's a spouse. I haven't spoken to my junkie brother in almost two years. I feel for you - it sucks. It makes it tough sometimes with my stepmom, but fortunately for me she gets my perspective. She enabled him for years. She had to come to the point of shutting him off on her own.

Good luck to you - take care.

honeypig

Yeah, seconding the Alanon refresher course! I know that when I'm in a crisis, I make time for Alanon and really work at putting the principles into play. When things seem to settle down, somehow all that takes a back seat again (until the next crisis).

Surely can't hurt to go get reminded of those steps and how to put them in practice again.

Wishing you strength and clarity!

Recovering2

I go to AlAnon, and it helps me deal with my brother and parents. Same as you, I have an adult brother (50yo) who lives with my parents (in their 80's). They enable him, and he takes advantage. They are all "stuck". It took strength to step back out of it all. I love my brother, and have compassion for his situation. But I don't enable or support it. I made it clear to my parents that I could not be part of the problem, and needed to make choices for my own health. I learned through Alanon to give them the right to make their own choices as to how they all handle the situation, even if I disagree. If they don't talk to me for awhile, that's okay too. They know I love them.