Happy that you're all here
Mini Novel Post Writer
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: Maine
Posts: 3,649
Happy that you're all here
I've been posting away realizing that I never officially introduced myself.
This is my 4th time quitting after having tried every way known to man to control and moderate my drinking. Change of drink, change of drinking days, change of drinking times, amount allowed within a certain time. You all know the score. Amazing the things that we'll put ourselves through until there comes a day that the decision just needs to be made and can't be put off any longer.
This last time was a bit different. My motto to myself was that this time, if I didn't stay within the constraints that I had placed upon myself, that I would have no choice than to quit completely. I was to only drink on Fridays and Saturdays and never to the point that I couldn't remember what I did. One would think that with the love that an alcoholic has for drinking that this threat alone would have kept me in check. I mean, on one hand, be able to have some but not all that's wanted. On the other hand (insert ominous sound from horror movie when something is about to happen) "NONE". No, it didn't work. After even one beer that theory went out the window and was quickly replaced by "just one more, I'm still fine". Eventually, a few more became "I'll do better next time". I don't even have to really tell this story because you all know it, but it bears repeating to those who are here who are trying to moderate. Hey, if it works, let me know how you did it. I was never successful.
Over the 3 prior attempts and after a DUI (OUI), blacking out and losing my job due to an email that was sent to my bosses, throwing an ashtray and having it shear my daughter's head who was 18 at the time, and almost losing my husband here I am. Oddly enough there was no true rock bottom at the end. What made up my mind is that I was sick of the fighting when I drank which, although only verbal, was horrible. That and the fact that after my DUI 7 years ago I swore I would never sit behind a steering wheel if I was not fit to drive. Sure, I pushed the envelope getting in the vehicle when I would have had a DUI had I been stopped. But not where I didn't remember getting home. Until one Saturday evening when I drove home and scraped up the side of my husband's van and didn't even remember. I didn't even believe him when he came back in the house on Monday morning (I never left the house on Sunday as I was recovering from the prior evening) and was extremely upset. I went out and looked at both vehicles and there was no way that I could deny it. I knew then what was coming. It just took a few weeks of mental preparation and the next fight to realize that it wasn't worth it anymore. My relationship with my daughter was virtually non existent by that point too and that was weighing hard on me. She's my only child and everything to me. I had no self respect. I was also sick of waking up in the morning regretting things that I said or did or wondering what the heck I had said or done. What a horrible feeling. How easily pushed aside that is when it's time for the next drink.
I am now 36 days sober and this time, it's different. I am determined and focused. It's one of the hardest things if not the hardest thing that I have ever done. I can only offer that the difference is that this time I'm active in my sobriety. Instead of sitting in the living room within earshot of my husband bit**ing about how there's nothing to do I find something to do. At the onset I called a friend of mine who is 8 years sober. I had tried AA before but it didn't work for me. Then, I tried the Big Book meetings and that made all the difference in the world. It might not be for everyone but it's what's worked for me. I am still working on finding a home group where I feel most comfortable. Luckily there is one that's up over the hill from my house and I think that will be the one. Haven't decided yet.
I am amazed on a daily basis how many new people there are. I have only been here since last Saturday and I don't know what I would do without SR now. It's easy to share here and I am also finding that even with as new as I am to sobriety that posting to the new people in itself is a huge form of therapy for me and reaffirms and solidifies how very good this is. That and getting to read posts from those who have been sober for many years. Each and every one of you give me hope on a daily basis.
Has it all been easy? No, easier than it was the prior three times but I still have my days. This forum was the difference between me drinking and not drinking last Saturday. That's the most craving I've had since I quit. I've found that for me the key is to involve my mind. When you want to use get on here. Read, read, read, post, post, post. Keep doing that. Ask for help. Just create a post and say that you need help. Immediately you will get replies and that's what you need. People who will assure you that yes, this sucks right now but it will pass. It really does. Then, you'll get up the next morning and feel a whole lot better. I promise.
This place is invaluable in the success on the road to recovery and it's available 24/7. You don't have to get in a car and go anywhere (assuming that you have a home computer or laptop) and you can share to your heart's content. The support here is phenomenal as are the people
I can't possibly be more thankful!
This is my 4th time quitting after having tried every way known to man to control and moderate my drinking. Change of drink, change of drinking days, change of drinking times, amount allowed within a certain time. You all know the score. Amazing the things that we'll put ourselves through until there comes a day that the decision just needs to be made and can't be put off any longer.
This last time was a bit different. My motto to myself was that this time, if I didn't stay within the constraints that I had placed upon myself, that I would have no choice than to quit completely. I was to only drink on Fridays and Saturdays and never to the point that I couldn't remember what I did. One would think that with the love that an alcoholic has for drinking that this threat alone would have kept me in check. I mean, on one hand, be able to have some but not all that's wanted. On the other hand (insert ominous sound from horror movie when something is about to happen) "NONE". No, it didn't work. After even one beer that theory went out the window and was quickly replaced by "just one more, I'm still fine". Eventually, a few more became "I'll do better next time". I don't even have to really tell this story because you all know it, but it bears repeating to those who are here who are trying to moderate. Hey, if it works, let me know how you did it. I was never successful.
Over the 3 prior attempts and after a DUI (OUI), blacking out and losing my job due to an email that was sent to my bosses, throwing an ashtray and having it shear my daughter's head who was 18 at the time, and almost losing my husband here I am. Oddly enough there was no true rock bottom at the end. What made up my mind is that I was sick of the fighting when I drank which, although only verbal, was horrible. That and the fact that after my DUI 7 years ago I swore I would never sit behind a steering wheel if I was not fit to drive. Sure, I pushed the envelope getting in the vehicle when I would have had a DUI had I been stopped. But not where I didn't remember getting home. Until one Saturday evening when I drove home and scraped up the side of my husband's van and didn't even remember. I didn't even believe him when he came back in the house on Monday morning (I never left the house on Sunday as I was recovering from the prior evening) and was extremely upset. I went out and looked at both vehicles and there was no way that I could deny it. I knew then what was coming. It just took a few weeks of mental preparation and the next fight to realize that it wasn't worth it anymore. My relationship with my daughter was virtually non existent by that point too and that was weighing hard on me. She's my only child and everything to me. I had no self respect. I was also sick of waking up in the morning regretting things that I said or did or wondering what the heck I had said or done. What a horrible feeling. How easily pushed aside that is when it's time for the next drink.
I am now 36 days sober and this time, it's different. I am determined and focused. It's one of the hardest things if not the hardest thing that I have ever done. I can only offer that the difference is that this time I'm active in my sobriety. Instead of sitting in the living room within earshot of my husband bit**ing about how there's nothing to do I find something to do. At the onset I called a friend of mine who is 8 years sober. I had tried AA before but it didn't work for me. Then, I tried the Big Book meetings and that made all the difference in the world. It might not be for everyone but it's what's worked for me. I am still working on finding a home group where I feel most comfortable. Luckily there is one that's up over the hill from my house and I think that will be the one. Haven't decided yet.
I am amazed on a daily basis how many new people there are. I have only been here since last Saturday and I don't know what I would do without SR now. It's easy to share here and I am also finding that even with as new as I am to sobriety that posting to the new people in itself is a huge form of therapy for me and reaffirms and solidifies how very good this is. That and getting to read posts from those who have been sober for many years. Each and every one of you give me hope on a daily basis.
Has it all been easy? No, easier than it was the prior three times but I still have my days. This forum was the difference between me drinking and not drinking last Saturday. That's the most craving I've had since I quit. I've found that for me the key is to involve my mind. When you want to use get on here. Read, read, read, post, post, post. Keep doing that. Ask for help. Just create a post and say that you need help. Immediately you will get replies and that's what you need. People who will assure you that yes, this sucks right now but it will pass. It really does. Then, you'll get up the next morning and feel a whole lot better. I promise.
This place is invaluable in the success on the road to recovery and it's available 24/7. You don't have to get in a car and go anywhere (assuming that you have a home computer or laptop) and you can share to your heart's content. The support here is phenomenal as are the people
I can't possibly be more thankful! 
Member
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: Olympia, Washington, USA
Posts: 135
I'm so thankful for everyone on here as well. I've been coming here every day for 2 weeks now and it is such a help, such an inspiration, and I try to help other people as well. We're all in it together like one big family!
Guest
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: South of England, UK
Posts: 65
Thanks for sharing I've been to hell and back too. I was in the same boat early in my sobriety when it came to finding some way to stop. This place saved my life and put me on the straight and narrow. Stick with it, this is a great place for peaceful, steady stability.
I've been to hell and back too. I was in the same boat early in my sobriety when it came to finding some way to stop. This place saved my life and put me on the straight and narrow. Stick with it, this is a great place for peaceful, steady stability.
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 51,560
It really helps to know we aren't alone. I didn't have anyone to share my fears with - everyone in my life was a social drinker. So thank you LadyBlue for telling us more about yourself - the hope we give to others is so important.
Congratulations on your hard earned 36 sober days! It'll keep on getting better.
Congratulations on your hard earned 36 sober days! It'll keep on getting better.
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
