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Need advice to help my sister

Old 07-02-2013, 07:08 AM
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Need advice to help my sister

Hi I am new to this site, but after almost 10 years of trying to get help for my sister who is 40 I just have found there is no help out there. She is currently on a binge, not having had one for 7 months which is the longest ever, usually only last about 3 months. The binges last from 3 to 8 days. When she stops she cries, goes to doctor, says she wants help, gets tablets to help with the dt's and never bothers to get counselling or go to aa meetings. She does drink moderately in between, rarely stays off it totally, so it is hard to understand what clicks in her brain every now and again that sets her off on a binge. In my eyes she has a good life. She has a very loving partner, a lovely house, a full time job, a family that love her despite being at their wits end with worry and she goes on plenty of holidays every year as they have an apartment in the sun. The one thing she does lack is a best friend, which I think is very sad. I never thought she would make it to her 40th but she did, she is due to turn 41 in 9 days and I am worried that she isn't going to make this one. She is due to return back to work tomorrow, but she has been drinking now for 5 days and has just bought another bottle of wine. She is at our mums house and mum is in her 60's and just doesn't know what to do with her. She went to off licence in dirty vomit covered track bottoms, vest top and slipper boots and it is in her partners place of work. It is just so sad. Her partner rang a rehab centre to see if he could pay for her to get help, but they said she would have to sober up and ring herself. Basically I just want to know is there actually no help out there and how on earth do we get her sober again. Sorry to ramble on but this is just a dry short version, I will appreciate any responses as we are all feeling so helpless at the minute, many thanks :-(
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Old 07-02-2013, 07:23 AM
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Hi NTT,

Do you know of any Al-Anon groups in your area?

There's no easy solution to helping a loved one with alcoholism. There's often very little you can do except to not enable, that is, not to offer supports that allow the person to continue to drink while getting their physical and emotional needs still met by their family and friends. Exactly how and what that entails is something you may find people with experiences of their own are most knowledgeable of. Why I brought up Al-Anon; SR also has a forum devoted specifically for friends & family of alcoholics (below this one.)

The other crucial part, which is a big part of Al-Anon, is learning how to take care of yourselves in this situation. Much as you want to help your sister you and your family also have the right to your own lives and happiness. Having some independence from the problems revolving around your sister is something you deserve. Cold as that sounds, not being drawn into her addiction could actually be the best thing for her.
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Old 07-02-2013, 07:28 AM
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I am so sorry to hear about your sister. You obviously love her very much.

Originally Posted by Nowheretoturn1 View Post
how on earth do we get her sober again. (
Sadly, you don't. She has to get herself sober. She can do this with help, but she needs to accept the help and then want to quit for good.

Have you asked her if she would be interested in trying some AA meetings? Does she even think she has a serious problem? That can be the biggest hurdle.
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Old 07-02-2013, 07:34 AM
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Hi, welcome to SR this is a great place to be you will find lots of people who can offer great advice and support.

There will be many people who will be able to offer you better advice than myself but what I can tell you is that if someone doesn't want to get sober and doesn't want help there is nothing you will be able to do until they turn to you and ask for it. I know my family tried and tried to make me listen but i didn't want to and I had to hit rock bottom before I started to get my life sorted out and get myself sober.

Sorry to hear you are in such a difficult situation, wishing you all the very best.
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Old 07-02-2013, 07:57 AM
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Hi and Welcome,

There really is help out there, but your sister needs to choose that for herself.

For you, AlAnon could be helpful as a support.
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Old 07-02-2013, 08:49 AM
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Hi everyone, we have tried al anon, aa, addiction counselling, psychiatrists, but she clearly just is not ready to be sober. I rang the psych unit earlier to see if they could admit her and they said no, but her go or a and e could. I explained that she was drunk and had been for 5 days. We then rang her gp and he said she has to be sober to be admitted despite what the nurse on the psych ward had told me. We then rang a and e and they said that they can't admit her either but that we could ring an ambulance who could admit her provided she co-operates with them. Cshe has said she will speak to them but I guess that could change when they arrive. I hate to waste ambulance time when there could be others more desperate but i genuinely believe that she isn't gonna make it out the other side of this one without professional help. Fingers crossed she co operates and gets admitted for the beginning of a long journey to sobriety. I know I am probably being unrealistic though but have to keep some hope x
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Old 07-02-2013, 09:01 AM
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Welcome to the family. We have a forum just for family and friends of alcoholics. Take a look at it for further insight from those who have been in your shoes.

Friends and Family of Alcoholics - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information
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Old 07-02-2013, 10:17 AM
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Sister away in the ambulance so hopefully she will not be abusive and will sober up there. A rehab centre rang her partner and are willing to take her when he sobers up x
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Old 07-02-2013, 02:55 PM
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Hi and Nowheretoturn1

I hope this could be the turning point your sister needs.

Several people mentioned AlAnon - that would be support for you - and the other family members and loved ones - not your sister

Contact us

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Old 07-02-2013, 03:16 PM
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Hi dee74, we have tried al anon but didn't get anything out of it other than to abandon her and we felt really uncomfortable and were forced into reading with the group. Sis has been admitted for the night to the medical assessment unit, but they have to test her bloods before they can give her any medication for the dt's or to help her sleep. They said if she wants to leave they cannot stop her so I just pray that she makes it through the night. She will be assessed in the morn for a 4 day detox program in the hospital but has to convince. The doctor that she really wants to be sober. To be honest I am not convinced that she does, although she is still drunk and shaking so still feel she needs a drink to stop the shakes. Hope I a, wrong and that she wants real help. A nurse told us that the rehab centre we are in touch with is not great as her mother lives beside it and she sees the, coming and going from it to the off licence beside it. I would have thought if you are paying big money that it would have been a secure building. Has anyone any knowledge of Cuban Mhuire in newry? Thanks again everyone x
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Old 07-02-2013, 04:15 PM
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Nowhere, I'd like to reiterate, as others have, that no one can FORCE your sister to get sober. I know that's hard to accept, but it's the truth.

You and your family can't make her. A rehab facility, "secure" or not, can't make her. SHE HERSELF has to decide she wants to stop drinking/drugging. Until that happens, there is not a force in the world that will stop her.

Alanon is not about "abandoning" your family member; it's about taking care of yourself. Two very different things. And no, as you discovered, it's not a place to get advice on how to control the addict's behavior.

Again, there is NO WAY anyone can make your sister get sober. However much you might want to help her, the best thing you can do is let her experience the consequences of her actions.

Check the topics here http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...c-reading.html and keep reading on this forum. There is a lot of wisdom and experience here, but you have to be willing to hear it first before it can do you any good. Please try to listen, if you can.

Take care of yourself.
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Old 07-03-2013, 02:29 AM
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Hi honey pig thanks for the post I read quite a lot of the Forum posts and we so enable my sister. For example this time we have sorted out her work for her again so she doesn't get into bother or lose her job, her partner has tidied up the mess she made at mums, the mess she made of two friends houses eg stained carpets, bedding and a freezer full of fod had to be thrown out cos she left door open, well guess what we will get that sorted too. So again she has ad a binge and no consequences to face, it's the same every time.
She made it thru the night without doin a runner from hospital, now we just have to wait to see if she wants the help available at the hospital ad if they believe her that he is ready to receive help.
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Old 07-03-2013, 05:21 AM
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Nowhere, I'm glad you're starting to see what enabling is and that you are not being told to abandon your sister but to stop enabling her. Keep on reading, and try putting some of the things you learn into action.

Consider Alanon again, knowing what you now know about enabling and so on. You are NOT alone, your situation is NOT unique, and there are many who have stood in your shoes before. Please try to take in what they have to say.

Again, take care of yourself. Your sister has to find her own path, and the best way for that to happen is for you to get out of her way.
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Old 07-03-2013, 06:14 AM
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Drink a lot of water.
Water will help keep you hydrated, make you feel better, and help flush out toxins from your body. Men are advised to drink 3.0 liter of water a day, and women are advised to drink 2.2 liter. When you drink, sip your drink slowly. Drink slowly. Take a break of 1 hour between drinks. Drink soda, water, or juice after a drink with alcohol. Do not drink on an empty stomach! Eat food when you are drinking.
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Old 07-03-2013, 07:32 AM
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Robert whats that post about??
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Old 07-03-2013, 09:31 AM
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water cure alcohol
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Old 07-03-2013, 09:35 AM
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If only it was that easy for an alcoholic to be cured. The hospital advised not to give an alcoholic or at least my sister anyway a lot of water, as nobody could be sure what she had consumed other than alcohol. It was good advice because she had very high levels of ibuprofen in her blood and had she drank lots of water it could have been very dangerous as it would have allowed the ibuprofen to enter her bloodstream very quickly.
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Old 07-03-2013, 09:41 AM
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Try the medications.

Antabuse is prescribed to help people who want to quit drinking by causing a negative reaction if the person drinks while they are taking antabuse.
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Old 07-03-2013, 09:41 AM
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Talk to your doctor.
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Old 07-03-2013, 09:42 AM
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Originally Posted by Robert2013 View Post
Try the medications.

Antabuse is prescribed to help people who want to quit drinking by causing a negative reaction if the person drinks while they are taking antabuse.
Operative phrase, "want to quit."
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