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Going to ask my mom if she will stop drinking so I can have a chance at sobriety



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Going to ask my mom if she will stop drinking so I can have a chance at sobriety

Old 07-01-2013, 12:41 PM
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Going to ask my mom if she will stop drinking so I can have a chance at sobriety

My moms been an alcoholic for 30 plus years my begging and crying never did any good. And i now no why... I am now an alcoholic at the age of 18 in 3 months I went from 2 shots a night to being a falling down black out drunk every damn night. I do not want to be my mom I will not hurt or niglect my future children and husban the way she has done to me....i work to much to go to meetings so my mom getting sobe with me is the only chance I got..f***... Thinking about living life without alcohol is giving me anxiety right now I dont want sobriety but I NEED it.
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Old 07-01-2013, 12:44 PM
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While that would be great NF, you cannot make your mom sober. You can ask of course, but only she can make that decision for herself. You need to make a plan to get sober for yourself regardless of what she decides - and also realize that there is a distinct possibility she will never want to.
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Old 07-01-2013, 12:48 PM
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Hi there,

When it comes to her drinking you did not cause it, you cannot control it and you cannot cure it. Focus on your own recovery and don't make it contingent upon someone else's.
At some point, you might benefit from Al Anon: there are meetings out there for people just like us who are alcoholics and codependents too. Those are called Double Winners Meetings.
I made a thread here on SR just for us. Feel free to read away and post.
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...loved-one.html
We can become and stay clean and sober and find contentment whether our loved ones are still drinking/using or not.
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Old 07-01-2013, 12:53 PM
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It would be wonderful if you could do it together! What a great support like dieting together!But if she doesn't want to, you will be a great example to her of how much better you will feel and how happy and at peace you will be! It is so worth it! If I can do it, anyone can! Keep coming on this site every day for inspiration! The people on here are going to get so sick of me posting this all the time, but the book "Alcohol Lied to Me" by Craig Beck will give you all the tools you need to quit and the reasons why. It literally changed my life! You can do this kiddo! My daughter is 18 also and completely surrounded by drinking as part of normal college-age life. It is scary to see! So many young people are on that slippery slope downward! You are doing a wonderful thing by getting sober! You will find, like I did, that your anxiety symptoms will decrease so much! Alcohol actually makes anxiety and depression worse! I felt better and more at peace after just a few days! Take a deep breath! You can do it!!!!
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Old 07-01-2013, 12:57 PM
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hey fixable...

i'm assuming you live with your mom, and that's why her drinking has such an impact on you right now? i can understand how difficult it must be to get sober in a place where there is heavy drinking going on... but your sobriety has to come from you and for you. tying up your chances on whether or not your mom quits is dangerous. if she doesn't quit, will you not quit either?

if sobriety is what you need or want, you'll have to do any and everything you can to get it, regardless of what others do or don't do.

i mean, i think it's definitely worth a shot to talk to her honestly about this, and something great (her not drinking) may come of it... but you need to make a plan to make sobriety work for you if she doesn't.

there are a lot of recovery plans, and not all of them involve meetings. if you feel that meetings would be essential to your recovery, they are only an hour long... maybe you could find one to hit before or after work each day. is there any chance of finding another place to live?

i just don't want to see you hang your chance at sobriety on what she may or may not do. if she is an alcoholic, she may not want anything to do with sobriety. then again, if you're open and honest with her, she may. only talking to her will give you that answer... but you need to find your path to sobriety regardless of the outcome of that conversation.

i'm sending you thoughts of strength... i hope it goes well with your mom, and i hope you can stay on this journey even if it doesn't.
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Old 07-01-2013, 01:57 PM
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Originally Posted by notfixable View Post
My moms been an alcoholic for 30 plus years my begging and crying never did any good. And i now no why... I am now an alcoholic at the age of 18 in 3 months I went from 2 shots a night to being a falling down black out drunk every damn night. I do not want to be my mom I will not hurt or niglect my future children and husban the way she has done to me....i work to much to go to meetings so my mom getting sobe with me is the only chance I got..f***... Thinking about living life without alcohol is giving me anxiety right now I dont want sobriety but I NEED it.
The oldtimers in your group and your sponsor will help you through this if you trust them and work with them.

All the best.

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Old 07-01-2013, 02:07 PM
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The best thing you can do in my opinion, is to show your mother how your life is changing for the better. Focus on yourself. Getting sober with someone else could be full of pitfalls. I'm really glad that you are making the decision to stop drinking.
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Old 07-01-2013, 04:10 PM
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If you have time to drink, you have time to work a recovery program. It doesn't have to be AA. I quit with just SR and will have 90 days alcohol free later this week.

Your mom drinking and you drinking are two separate things. They are not related. You can quit while she continues to drink. You could even continue to drink if she decided to quit.

I quit drinking while living with somebody who was still drinking and my house was loaded with alcohol. I quit for me. NOBODY makes the decision whether or not I drink other than me.
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Old 07-01-2013, 05:50 PM
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Everything you guys are saying makes total sence I am just going to try and give my mom another try this time with her daughter to be sober. because if she doesn't I will have to living in my car which will not be fun. I know i can not make her quit im thinking maybe she can be able to go off alcohol and just stick with her pills for a few months till i get back on my feet somewhere else .
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Old 07-01-2013, 05:55 PM
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The only thing you have control over is whether or not you quit drinking. I hope you decide to get sober for yourself, regardless of your mother.
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Old 07-01-2013, 08:04 PM
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It is possible to get and stay sober no matter who else in your life around you is drinking. How do I know this for sure? I have friends in AA whose husbands, wives, parents or children still drink, in the same house. It's not an ideal situation but it's possible. You can ask people at the meetings if they are going through that or have.
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Old 07-01-2013, 08:09 PM
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Originally Posted by notfixable View Post
Everything you guys are saying makes total sence I am just going to try and give my mom another try this time with her daughter to be sober. because if she doesn't I will have to living in my car which will not be fun. I know i can not make her quit im thinking maybe she can be able to go off alcohol and just stick with her pills for a few months till i get back on my feet somewhere else .
Good luck NF. That's a tough situation to be in, and truly hope she can see the light too. Just make sure to have a plan for yourself one way or the other. Sending good vibes your way.
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