Carlotta

I have shared before that my best friend is an alcoholic and that while I chose to maintain our friendship, I apply what I learned in Al Anon to our relationship.
He is one of those who are not in denial and will admit happily that they are alcoholics and call getting blacked out stupid drunk "having a good time".
I bought him a copy of the big book and also Jack Trimpey's "Rational Recovery" since he hates AA (was mandated there once) but he has yet to open them.
I put his big book under my laptop when I am at his place, it works great and my laptop does not overheat but I doubt that's what Bill Wilson and Dr Bob had in mind when they wrote it.
Well, lo and behold he contacted me this morning and told me that he was going to start controlling his drinking and would have just one beer today.
I told him: good for you but you know that I will not come over when you drink.
Do you think it's a good sign and that maybe he is starting to realize that getting very drunk is not "having a good time"?
Is trying to moderate generally the first step toward recovery for most alcoholics?
I am a double winner and I don't want to get my hopes up and have my inner codie start acting out so I am sticking close to my Al Anon materials but what do you guys think?

doggonecarl

In my opinion, no. Moderation is the alcoholic in denial, thinking, as I did for many, many years, that the problem isn't alcoholism...the problem is I'm not vigilent enough. If I control how much I drink, then I can still enjoy alcohol and avoid the problems my over drinking has caused me.

AlexaDaly

That's good he's at least making an effort and maybe starting to realize the way he is living is no way to be living! Good luck!

Isaiah

I agree that I can't imagine this moderation experiment has any chance for success.

Though I did try moderation too at first, as have a number of people here. You might consider it a sign your friend is at least to the point of acknowledging they have a problem, even if this "first step" of theirs is generally, completely ineffective. I wouldn't get too hopeful until they decide to quit completely.

Good for you too in saying you wont see them no matter the level of alcohol consumption, and for giving them some reading materials for support. Most of us were lucky to ever have that kind of support that wasn't also enablement.

AlexaDaly

I do think it's true most alcoholics at first try to moderate because they can't envision a life completely without alcohol. Eventually he will come to realize it has to be completely gone to be truly free of the control of it. Give him the book "Alcohol Lied to Me" by Craig Beck. Completely debunks all the alcohol myths in a short book (about 125 pages).

Tang

This is a great book from someone who was in love with alcohol and a "functioning" alcoholic.

Soberpotamus

So he has gone from not seeing any need for moderation to now seeing the need for it? Yes, I'd say that's a progression toward the truth for him... but sadly, his "moderating" could go on for years.

Grungehead

"We do not like to pronounce any individual as alcoholic, but you can quickly diagnose yourself. Step over to the nearest barroom and try some controlled drinking. Try to drink and stop abruptly. Try it more than once. It will not take long for you to decide, if you are honest with yourself about it. It may be worth a bad case of jitters if you get a full knowledge of your condition."

BB pg 31-32

Maybe his attempt at some controlled drinking will convince him he is an alcoholic if/when he fails.

ScottFromWI

I think that's kind of a bad example, because many alcoholics ( myself included ) could easily stop at a bar and just have one or 2 beers. I did it almost every day. But I consider myself an alcoholic because on some days I would drink all day at home, and some days i would drink just to feel normal.

Carlotta

I can relate Scott, I hate bars and I was able to have only one or two or even abstain in social settings. I drank alone to get drunk and not feel and not hurt.
On another hand, my friend doesn't drink in bars but he is like one of those Big Book guys. If he goes out, it s a given he will get drunk.
I really appreciate the feedback everyone xhugsx

LiveforToday22

Agreed! Trying to control our drinking is like the national anthem of us alcoholics!

Mountainmanbob

sometimes it just takes more research
so as to realize yes I'm a drunk

how many times have I proven this to myself now ??????

DisplacedGRITS

I know i'm an alcoholic because i have an obsession of the mind and an allergy of the body when it comes to alcohol. When i'm not in recovery, my focus in life is drinking and doing whatever i need to do to continue to drink. I have an allergy of the body because i don't have an off button when it comes to drinking. Most people can drink until they don't want to anymore. I never reach that point. There isn't enough alcohol for me. Perhaps i could control my drinking but the effort would be immense and besides, enough is never enough. Perhaps your friend will be successful in his experiment but perhaps he will discover that he too has this mental obsession. It all depends on him and his personal relationship with alcohol. If he can drink in moderation without obsession, good on him! If he can moderate but finds himself preoccupied on his next drink, he has to come to the realization that moderation won't work. It's like dangling a carrot in front of a horse. As long as the carrot is there, that's what becomes the focus of his world. If he finds that this is an accurate description of himself, abstinance is his only solution.

DylanS

I do think trying to control one's drinking can be the first step toward recovery, but it doesn't always lead to that. I have a friend who's been trying to control it for 20-some years, with varying degrees of success...and failure.

GracieLou

It does not matter what you or I think. It only matters what he thinks.

I have a good friend too that qualifies. He did admit to me a couple weeks ago that he tried AA in the past and told me a little about his experience. Unfortunately it was not a good one. He also admitted he might try it again.

He was very drunk when he told me this and has not mentioned it since but I talk to him almost everyday and I mention that I am going to a meeting or I just got home from a meeting. I told him I got my three month chip. Other than that I don't mention it.

I know when I was drinking and others had mentioned it to me about going back to AA or going with them to a meeting I became very defensive. I wanted to keep away from them as much as possible.

Even if he tries and fails that is going to tell him something. What he plans to do with that is entirely up to him.

GreenEggsAndHam

I knew for about 15 years that I needed to moderate and was successful off and on. Then I'd go back to drinking daily, then moderate, then daily, then moderate.

For a very long I knew I liked alcohol a little too much, but only accepted that I am an alcoholic when I wasn't able to stop drinking for even one day - but this was a 27 year progression.

So, moderation could lead to tapering off, but for me it didn't. It was just a way for me to continue drinking.

eta: I should add that moderation for me meant only drinking certain days of the week. I've never moderated in the sense that I'd just have one or two. I'd always get tanked.

fallingtogether

I used the word moderation as an excuse for my own mind to keep drinking. I agree it wa some denial. Then after I started AA, I realized what I was doing. Then when I relapsed I again considered drinking on the weekends to be moderation. I eat pasta or drink pop in moderation, wine? Nope! Not a chance!

ElegantlyWasted

Is trying to moderate generally the first step toward recovery for most alcoholics?

From personal experience and what I've come across here; I really think it varies quite a bit. I do think its a great test... If the person does have a problem, realizes it is able to moderate, more power to them... A lot of peps here, myself included would say they weren't a "real" alkie to begin with. I have a hunch that if we took a poll the vast majority of us here on SR have tried moderation and It didn't quite work out for us. Anyways; great topic...

Mustdoit

I hope he can achieve moderation but he will need to try. He won't give up something he enjoys so much if he thinks he may not need to. It may be part of the process of stopping but it could take years. My idea of moderation was double the recommended units and avoiding a hangover.
Well done for supporting him and he seems to be OK with it. I really resented my husband when he criticised my drinking. I was also pretty good at sneaking extra drinks.
Good luck

Grungehead

OK substitute "barroom" with your favorite place to drink and try what the BB suggests. I think they wrote that with the intention of a person trying this at their favorite drinking spot. The majority of people reading the book in 1939 did their drinking in barrooms. I assumed people wouldn't think they had to go to an actual barroom to test the theory.