Amber23

So I made plans to travel to see my sister and her new baby. I only get to visit my family out of state once a year, this is the only time I can go before funds are gone and DD is in school......but I feel so guilty.

RAH has been in recovery for 90 days and although really into AA and the steps and a sponsor, I am worried about leaving....I know he will drink

I know DD and I need to go for my own mental health. Living so far away from my family has been so hard and especially the last few years when the alcohol spiraled and even now in this confusing time of early recovery.

Part of me needs to escape this world of illness for a grounding breather with my sister. I feel guilty because I know RAH is nervous about being alone and missing his daughter. I mostly feel weird about going because of how it could be perceived callous of me (by his family etc) to leave for a week knowing how fragile he is.
I think this is codie behavior....the guilt and concern, but it is hard to decipher....

Why can't I just let go and enjoy this upcoming visit!!!! argh

FireSprite

I've had anxiety when business trips came up, especially when RAH was in early recovery. This is when i had to finally understand what they really mean by 'no control'. If you staying home and babysitting your RAH is what he relies on to stay sober then eventually he's going to drink no matter what and you can't spend your life policing his activities. Is he nervous about it as well and expecting to relapse?

FeelingGreat

Hi Amber. I guess you know that this test has to come at some point. I can really understand your worries that he might drink while you're away. I hope you enjoy your break and that he surprises you.

LexieCat

I agree with FireSprite. If he's going to drink, he's going to drink. OTOH, he has a sponsor, he has his AA friends and meetings. If he uses the tools at his disposal he should be just fine. If he doesn't, well, then he will have learned something.

You need this visit. I suggest you work on putting your husband's sobriety into his HP's hands.

akalacha

I was nervous the first time I left home to visit friends for a week after A stopped drinking. He had almost 6 months by that time. I went on my trip, came home a week later and A was drunk. However, he'd been white-knuckling it for 6 months, no program or support. Perhaps your AH will up his meetings and contact with his sponsor if he feels vulnerable while you are gone. He may drink, he may not. But it's his decision, you can't control it and you can't spend your life babysitting him. Put him in HP's hands and have a lovely trip.