BabyJane

So I went to the beach today with my dude and some friends. This lady was walking back toward the parking lot with some kids in tow and one of them started screaming his head off right next to me so I kind of said to my fiancée and friend under my breath, "Jeeze is that necessary?"

Well, I said it a little too loud and the lady hears me, turns around and goes, "My son is mentally ******** in case you didn't notice! Now how do you feel?!"

I felt so bad and tried to say sorry. The kid who was yelling, obviously very unaware of the entire altercation, grinned and stated waving his hands at me so I smiled and waved back, trying to be friendly, feeling like an ass. The lady then walks over, grabs the boy away and goes, "don't talk to them they are rude bad people!"

Oh my goodness I wanted to bury my head in the sand. Horrible. It may seem silly but that's the kind of thing I would drink / use over in the past. I remember another time this guy chased me down on the freeway and yelled at me for cutting into his lane (which I probably did, but didn't notice) and I went home and got loaded. All I could think was how much I hated everyone. Like even when I'm in the wrong, you humiliate me, I want to hate you.

So now I'm back home and I'm trying to pray for this poor woman but I all I can think about is how rude she was about me being rude! Ha! I'm a mess. Don't even know where I'm going with this. Sobriety is just hard some days. And apparently I'm a jerk sometimes.... Like that's not obvious. Oh well. Trying.

The end.

cheapredwino

Slightly jerky, but you could have said something a lot worse, so it wasn't that bad. And the fact that you tried to apologize negates the slight jerkiness of your comment. She sounded kind of jerky herself.

Dee74

Kids scream, whether they have mental issues or not - sometimes we take it in our stride, sometimes we don't.

We all make mistakes or act impulsively Jane - there's lots of times I wish I could have done better.

Pobodys Nerfect

D

tomsteve

it is usually good for me to do 2 things:
look at my motives for making comments about others( yes, I still do it without thinking).
put myself in their shoes.

if I were to be in her shoes, theres a high probability that I would have said something,too. if people didn't do it to me when my comments were inappropriate, I wouldn't have learned how to act/speak appropriately.

all it takes is a lil humility to admit my mistakes and I learn a lesson.

and being a jerk sometimes is progress over being a jerk all the time!

Anna

It's a natural reaction for parents to protect their children. I don't think she was rude to you. I think she was trying to protect her child from someone's hurtful words. I think there is a 'Mama Bear' instinct that takes over when we think someone or something is hurting our child. Try to let it go. We all make mistakes, so just count this as a learning experience.

BabyJane

Yes, letting it go is exactly what I need to do. And I agree that she was just protecting her kid. It's hard to deal with being dead wrong but in this case... I was. Just saying its an emotion I'm not used to processing. I'm glad I'm not in her shoes though, she must have a tough life. That's probably something that happens to her a lot out in public... Just wanted to share what happened and share that even though I feel like crap I still have to (get to? choose to?) stay sober. I'm really sensitive sometimes and lately its become obvious I need to work on that and work on not having resentments. Otherwise I will probably relapse. Nothing changes if nothing changes!

Carlotta

Hey what you said was no big deal, how were you supposed to know it was a disabled child instead of an out of control brat?
Now, those people on another hand, they truly mean business

BabyJane

Haha. All misbehaving kids made into pies and all well behaved kids given candy and a puppy - that's it!

quitforme79

I too have complained about screaming kids, especially on planes. What I am trying to say is that you're human babyjane, we all have said or done things we wish we could take back. That woman probably hasn't given what you said a second thought ---her life is too busy I am sure. I know I can be my own worst enemy and beat myself up long after the fight is over. Just try and let it go. You said you pray so try asking for the bad feelings to be removed. It works for me...maybe not right away but I eventually feel the peace.

Happier

Don't be so hard one yourself. We all get caught in awkward situations like that. I have to work on my patience daily and still don't know if I am making progress LOL
The other lady probably felt bad for over reacting after she had time to calm down and process things too. Just what happens amongst this world of imperfect people I suppose.

I personally love the reaction of the young boy. Still happy and smiling throughout the entire scene. We could all probably learn a lot from him

fantail

Thanks for posting this BabyJane. It points out something I've been thinking about myself... Alcoholics & addicts being simultaneously super sensitive and super selfish. It's a bit of a paradox in my own personality.

And I think that's one of the challenges of sobriety... trying to turn my sensitivity into something positive rather than something negative, using it to empathize with people rather than run from my empathy.

This example is perfect. Good food for thought. Sorry for your stress but thank you for sharing.

DG0409

Well, the way I see it, what you said wasn't that bad.

His mom on the other hand called her son a ****** in front of him. ****** or not, it doesn't seem nice to say that about your child to a stranger.

sickntired78

You didn't know of the kid's mental condition. Sometimes screaming kids get on my nerves too. It happens. It's not like you were attacking the kid's disability. The mother was overly protective which is the usual. Stuff happens.

DG0409

I think I heard a variation on that: "All unattended children will be given a cappuccino and a free puppy."

FeenixxRising

You're not a jerk, you're just human. You were a little annoyed, and you didn't know the child's condition. I'm often annoyed at other people's behavior, it's one of the issues I try to work on. But honestly, I think the mother overreacted a little. Pointing you out as "rude bad people" really wasn't necessary.

Bottom line, don't be hard on yourself. I pretty sure the number of times you've shown kindness to strangers is much higher than the number of times you've become a little annoyed and said something inappropriate.

Mizzuno

Kids will be kids whether or not they are mentally disabled. I am shocked that this mother called her child a " ******." This word is not an acceptable term for anyone, and especially mentally disabled people. I don't think you were a jerk. You had a reaction to a situation. Sometimes children lose it and there is nothing that will stop the meltdown. Be gentle with you. Being human is hard some days. ((Hug))

BabyJane

Thanks for the hug! I guess maybe I needed one. We all do sometimes. God Bless everyone. Today was still a good day. I didn't drink or use. That's a small victory. I'm sure I would have said / done much worse with a few drinks added into the mix!

MyTimeNow

I too was surprised re the ****** comment too Mizzuno, it's not acceptable over here, I didn't know whether it was in the US.

Aww hugs babyjane it's just something to chalk up to experience and not dwell on, you'll know next time to speak more quietly Lol. You'll also get far more tolerant once your own reached the terrible 2's (3/4/5/6's!) although I'm sure yours will be an absolute cherub for you, just like mine *ahem*

soberlicious

The woman didn't call her child "a ******" according to the OP. MR or "mental retardation" is a clinical diagnosis, and although its deemed outdated and commonly replaced with terms such as "developmentally delayed", "cognitively delayed", or "intellectually disabled", the term MR is still widely recognized. It's not a dis or a cutdown as in "u ******".

As a parent of a child with autism, I can pretty much guarantee that it happens to her a lot. Probably daily. And what you said was mild compared to what moms like me hear. "He just needs a spanking", " What a brat", " Why don't you just keep him at home?"...sometimes after hearing so much stupid sh*t, we say stupid sh*t back...it's not right, but it happens. You may have just been the straw that broke the camels back on that particular day. After 15 years, I have developed a thick skin, and that kind of stuff rarely bother me. You know why? Because like the child in your post, my son is oblivious and happy. I know what others don't know...and that is that, screaming and all, I am the lucky one because I get to share life with a wonderful kid who inspires me. Everyone should be so lucky.

In this situation, rather than drinking over it, I'd recommend volunteering in the special needs community. It will do far more for you than booze ever will.

MyTimeNow

I've read back and I absolutely agree. My apologies, she did not call her child a ******. Over here, everything is pretty much grouped under special needs and disabilities - Austism, ADHD, Aspergers, Down's Syndrome and then of course 'real' *sigh* disabilities. I have friends with children that cover all of the above and they hate the term ****** so I guess that's why it was picked up on. I see them fighting everyday to get the right school, or the correct benefit or anything they are entitled to just to help them with their daily lives. Their children are amazing and like you sober, they feel blessed. Thank you for your post and your perspective.