Newbie w/a few questions
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2013
Posts: 18
Newbie w/a few questions
I already posted an intro yesterday but I have a few more questions.
What is AA like and how do I know it is right for me? The same kind of therapy does not work for everyone right? Is it just like on TV where a bunch of people just talk about how drinking ruined their life and how hard it was to drink today but they did it? Or is it more. I seriously don't see how sitting there every day hearing other people talk about drinking is going to help me stay sober.
Also has anyone sucessfully stayed sober without involving thier spouse. Is this a realistic task. I mean I have sucessfully hid my drinking for months. I have had the fact I am going to counseling sucessfully. Can I "fake it, till I make it"? Can I just make it a point to stay on the wagon and he never find out I was ever off?
What is AA like and how do I know it is right for me? The same kind of therapy does not work for everyone right? Is it just like on TV where a bunch of people just talk about how drinking ruined their life and how hard it was to drink today but they did it? Or is it more. I seriously don't see how sitting there every day hearing other people talk about drinking is going to help me stay sober.
Also has anyone sucessfully stayed sober without involving thier spouse. Is this a realistic task. I mean I have sucessfully hid my drinking for months. I have had the fact I am going to counseling sucessfully. Can I "fake it, till I make it"? Can I just make it a point to stay on the wagon and he never find out I was ever off?
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,510
My spouse knew about my drinking but is definitely not involved in my recovery. I have found recovery to be a very personal journey. However, I think being honest with your husband is a very good place to start.
I am not an AA person but likely others will come alone with advice. SR has been my lifeline for many years, along some great books.
I'm glad you found us.
I am not an AA person but likely others will come alone with advice. SR has been my lifeline for many years, along some great books.
I'm glad you found us.
Mini Novel Post Writer
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: Maine
Posts: 3,649
Lexica,
You have to find the road that's right for you on this journey.
First I want to ask. Do you really think that you've hidden your drinking from your spouse or is he just non verbal and wants to believe that the counseling is working?
My husband is a social drinker. Even when the boys are over he can drink with them and then will switch to water after a while. He hated my drinking because I would become obnoxious. He couldn't be more happy when I quit because once again, my self moderation wasn't working and I was drinking on days that I said that I wouldn't. Believe me, he could be two rooms away from the front door when I came home. Within seconds he would not only know what I was drinking he knew if it was beer or wine. No amount of gum, mints, mouthwash, or anything I used could change that. Nor time between the drink and the time that I got home. Your husband doesn't smell it?
Back on track and your question about AA. This is my 4th time sincerely trying to quit. The first few times I went to AA and I felt that it wasn't for me. They were discussion meetings and it seemed to me that people spent more time bitching about the bad day that they had and how they couldn't drink then talking about things to do to continue refraining and being thankful that they were on a good road. The third time I didn't even bother going because that was just my attitude about AA. This time is different. I happen to have a friend who is 8 years sober this month. I called her and told her how I felt. I got some really good info and insight. AA has many groups. I don't know how big your town or city is but I would suggest trying different groups out. Even still, this time, after having tried three I have one that still is much like the ones I attended the first two times. I shy away from that one unless I really feel I need to go and I attend with my friend. Then, there is another one that's close to home that I like that's discussion and uplifting. However, the one that made the difference for me was the Big Book meetings because I feel more actively involved in my sobriety. If you choose to do that listen carefully because the format of the meeting is much different than that of a discussion meeting.
Finally, come here and come here often! I found this place yesterday and between this forum and my daughter I didn't drink. Saturdays are my worst day, it was my "reward" day for all the hard work. I was saved because I called my daughter and came here.
Good luck to you! We are all here and rooting for you!
I also want to add that if you want to PM me with questions I am more than happy to give more info on AA (at least what I have at this point). There are many other programs out there, it could be that AA is not for you. You don't know if you don't investigate and try though.
You have to find the road that's right for you on this journey.
First I want to ask. Do you really think that you've hidden your drinking from your spouse or is he just non verbal and wants to believe that the counseling is working?
My husband is a social drinker. Even when the boys are over he can drink with them and then will switch to water after a while. He hated my drinking because I would become obnoxious. He couldn't be more happy when I quit because once again, my self moderation wasn't working and I was drinking on days that I said that I wouldn't. Believe me, he could be two rooms away from the front door when I came home. Within seconds he would not only know what I was drinking he knew if it was beer or wine. No amount of gum, mints, mouthwash, or anything I used could change that. Nor time between the drink and the time that I got home. Your husband doesn't smell it?
Back on track and your question about AA. This is my 4th time sincerely trying to quit. The first few times I went to AA and I felt that it wasn't for me. They were discussion meetings and it seemed to me that people spent more time bitching about the bad day that they had and how they couldn't drink then talking about things to do to continue refraining and being thankful that they were on a good road. The third time I didn't even bother going because that was just my attitude about AA. This time is different. I happen to have a friend who is 8 years sober this month. I called her and told her how I felt. I got some really good info and insight. AA has many groups. I don't know how big your town or city is but I would suggest trying different groups out. Even still, this time, after having tried three I have one that still is much like the ones I attended the first two times. I shy away from that one unless I really feel I need to go and I attend with my friend. Then, there is another one that's close to home that I like that's discussion and uplifting. However, the one that made the difference for me was the Big Book meetings because I feel more actively involved in my sobriety. If you choose to do that listen carefully because the format of the meeting is much different than that of a discussion meeting.
Finally, come here and come here often! I found this place yesterday and between this forum and my daughter I didn't drink. Saturdays are my worst day, it was my "reward" day for all the hard work. I was saved because I called my daughter and came here.
Good luck to you! We are all here and rooting for you!
I also want to add that if you want to PM me with questions I am more than happy to give more info on AA (at least what I have at this point). There are many other programs out there, it could be that AA is not for you. You don't know if you don't investigate and try though.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: Lakeside, Ca
Posts: 10,208
Originally Posted by Lexica 
What is AA like and how do I know it is right for me?
you can't make that decision
until you at least attend a couple of meetings in person
AA is not for everyone
but
it has helped many to escape from the pits of hell
this site is excellent
at least stick around here for a while
and
you will learn a lot regarding recovery
and
meetings sober friends
until you at least attend a couple of meetings in person
AA is not for everyone
but
it has helped many to escape from the pits of hell
this site is excellent
at least stick around here for a while
and
you will learn a lot regarding recovery
and
meetings sober friends
Member
Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: CAPE COD, MA
Posts: 1,020
I've been going 30+ years and my horns haven't grown too long yet. I need and like flesh meetings. It's a place where people understand me and I them. Probably everyone can find and rationalize something wrong with it. Mostly those that are the I people or as I like to say "the act as if crowed." The bottom line is not to drink and life can get better. AA has helped many millions world wide and has a great maintenance program for the long term. This forum is of great help to many, church is a help for some along with the medical profession. Many people don't think they are so bad they need help or AA. YA sure. BE WELL
Dismember
Join Date: Aug 2008
Location: The Mitten, USA
Posts: 1,641
I've found that different meetings have different atmospheres. Some I've been to were always very focused on past drinking and how AA was overcoming that. Others I've been to were more focused on person's current situations in life and applying AA to deal with problems that may or may not be directly related to alcohol.
If you do decide to start attending AA I doubt anyone will expect you to be 100% into it. Speaking generally again, in the meetings I went to it was well understood that newcomers often want to test the waters so to speak. For that purpose we tried to be welcoming and informative but didn't try to force anyone into total commitment.
It's possible other meetings could be different so as others have said, it's good and appropriate to try different ones and find one that has a vibe where you can come to feel open in sharing and participating.
If you do decide to start attending AA I doubt anyone will expect you to be 100% into it. Speaking generally again, in the meetings I went to it was well understood that newcomers often want to test the waters so to speak. For that purpose we tried to be welcoming and informative but didn't try to force anyone into total commitment.
It's possible other meetings could be different so as others have said, it's good and appropriate to try different ones and find one that has a vibe where you can come to feel open in sharing and participating.
A Day at a Time
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Grand Rapids MI
Posts: 6,435
Your best thinking got you into the mess you are in. AA will teach you how to live a full and productive life sober. Honesty is a huge part of recovery and I bet you're spouse already knows. For me the secrets and lies had to end in order for me to recover
Member
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: Oklahoma City, OK
Posts: 16
Just my two cents, but...
The first thirty days always almost is impossible for me without meetings. If you're there, you aren't drinking. You meet old timers with 30+ years of sobriety. You might even get lucky and find a sponsor you click with. But, most of all, you realize you're not alone. Our stories are all the same. There's comfort in that.
One of the hardest things about recovery is learning to forgive yourself. It's an often addressed topic.
Congrats on day 2!
The first thirty days always almost is impossible for me without meetings. If you're there, you aren't drinking. You meet old timers with 30+ years of sobriety. You might even get lucky and find a sponsor you click with. But, most of all, you realize you're not alone. Our stories are all the same. There's comfort in that.
One of the hardest things about recovery is learning to forgive yourself. It's an often addressed topic.
Congrats on day 2!
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
