Victoria74

Hi,
I am very new here and desperately feel that I cannot make this journey on my own. Currently hang-over after a night that was supposed to be just "a couple of drinks" ending in memory loss and a hole in the head..
I can fairly easy go without drinking at all, but I can´t take one or two glasses, I will drink the whole bottle. My friends are starting to notice and a week ago my children felt that I was not behaving normally.
I don´t know what to do, vacations coming up with drinks flooding...I´m not ready to tell the world about my problem, even if that probably would be a good thing to do. I feel lost, and I would so much like to have someone to talk to, that could support me, but I don´t feel that I have any friend who I want to confide in. am convinced that I will **** up my life unless I quit now. I have prooven to myself so many times that I can´t stop drinking when I start...so I guess no alcohol at all is teh only way to go?

GracieLou

You have come to the right place. Welcome Victoria! (love that name, by the way )

You will find a lot of support and help here.

Abstinence is the only way I have found. I am the same as you. Once I have one the craving hits and I have to drink more. The first drink gets me drunk.

visch1

Hi. "I have prooven to myself so many times that I can´t stop drinking when I start...so I guess no alcohol at all is teh only way to go?" Quick answer, YES one day at a time. There is help here and at AA meetings where flesh people understand us as well. BE WELL

BigShoe

You will learn there's more to vacation, and life, than drinks. And you'll learn to love it.

Victoria74

I´m so scared I won´t make it. And the thought of never ever beeing able to have one glass of wine with the steak, a beer in the sun etc is not a pleasant thought. Although I know that it never is as nice as I imagine it. And am scared of how people will react if I suddenly start ordering juice instead of wine.

MIRecovery

Welcome u have come to the right place. Admitting you have a problem is the first step.

I believe alcoholism is a disease

It is it chronic as in you never get over it it can only be treated
It is progressive as in it only gets worse
It is fatal as in it will kill you either directly or indirectly

I got sober through a combination of professional therapy AA and support of family and friends. it is not easy but it can be done a day at a time and millions of others have gone before you to give you hope and direction

Victoria74

BigShoe, I know you are right, and I love my life when I´m sober, when I excercise, do stuff with the kids and so on. I don´t get it why I am so increadibly stupid and continue drinking anyway. I am now at a level of being wasted once a week, and weekends are not fun with hangovers.

GracieLou

Ain't that the truth. Sitting around a campfire having a drink sounds good but that was not my true goal. I wanted (craved/needed) to get drunk. What started out as a nice time in my mind turned into a stumbling around drunk. EVERY SINGLE TIME.

Victoria74

GracieLou, how did you do it, how did you get sober? I feel so hopeless and like failure.

Invictus19

Welcome Victoria. Your story is just like mine. If I have one, I will have 20. I also for a long, long time have been fearful of a life without. What will I do? Who will I hang out with? I also have a huge reluctance to tell people about my decision to stop. I also am scared that I will fool myself into thinking I can drink again. Right now at my early stage of recovery I do not trust myself. This is why I am going to meetings everyday and trying to make friends there and in here that get me and want to help.

Please, hang in there. You are here for a reason. Right now I would do whatever it takes. As they say "one day at a time."

We are here to help you!

MIRecovery

You are not stupid you're an alcoholic. There are millions of incredibly talented intelligent individuals who die of this disease. There are also many who do recover and lead a happy productive life without alcohol. The choice is yours get serious about getting sober or indure the misery of alcoholism

Tamerua

Welcome! You can do this and you don't have to tell the world. I was like that, I could go without any but if I had one, it was on. And my son (he's 13) said something about him acting weird once.

Good luck. You can do this!

GracieLou

I surrendered. I stopped fighting for my desire to drink and get drunk. It took me 26 years to get to that point. I only trusted one person, me, and I could no longer do that. I had to trust, believe or have faith (what ever word you choose) in something other than me.

I called AA. They sent a lady to pick me up and took me to a meeting. I did not do it alone. I surrounded myself with people that understand. They are alcoholics too. I got a sponsor and I work the program. My journey has just begun but I can tell you I feel, look and act 100% better already. My choices and my life do not revolve around alcohol anymore.

The lady that picked me up that night, I saw that lady yesterday. I got to stand up at that AA meeting and declare I had three months sober. I have never felt so grateful to another person in my life.

When I say journey, I mean journey. I learn more and more everyday. I try to live my life different now. Heck, I have a life now. I did not see that before. I have hope now for a future. Before I think I just existed.

Victoria74

It is inspiring to read about all of you who have made it. I am thinking if life will be a constant struggle, will I be fighting this demon every single day? So much time is wasted thinking about alcohol. Will the craving ever go away? And I feel horrible when I think about all the times I´ve been too drunk at parties, throwing up, embarrassing myself. I feel so terrible and all the things I have done, I can´t get them undone, I will have to live with it. But perhaps people will understand when I tell them I decided to stop drinking, probably they have reflected about my drinking although not saying anything.

I wish this horrible feeling would pass, although I know that after a few days I will start thinking again that surely I can take ONE glass on wine. Any advice how to not go down that road again?

fantail

Pick a new healthy hobby... like running, yoga, meditation, whatever... and then if anyone raises eyebrows you can tell them about how you're really getting into this new hobby and so you aren't drinking at the moment.

fantail

Also no, it's not a constant struggle! Your brain will start to adapt once you've been abstinent for a while. Don't think about forever... just give it three months. By the end of three months, your neurochemicals will be starting to behave themselves and you'll be able to look at the future more clearly.

LadyBlue0527

After having tried the road of moderation myself four times I am back to the same location. The last time that I tried it my motto was "I know that I can moderate because if I don't it will force me to have to give up drinking again".

and here I am. One would think that the love that an alcoholic has for drinking would give them the capability to follow the rule to either moderate or be forced to go without. Not so and that's just how powerful it is. The only way out is total abstinence.

This is a great place to be, I'm glad that you came here. I just found it yesterday and have read so many great things. Keep coming back, it's an very valuable support mechanism!

neferkamichael

Victoria, am convinced that I will **** up my life unless I quit now. I screwed mine up with booze Victoria.

GreenEggsAndHam

After trying to do it alone for a long time, I admitted that it wasn't working and went to AA. It was the hardest thing to do, but a huge weight had been lifted. I'm not alone in this anymore (and neither are you )

Victoria74

I am thinking of giving AA a call, I am going abroad for about a month in a few days...so I will not be able to go to meetings. Am really nervous about travelling, luckily my mother and my children are with me so hopefully I will be able to stay sober. Although my mother much appreciates a glass of wine and I have to think about how to handle that. I realize that I still keep thinking that surely I can have a glass too as I will have a hard time finding alcohol and drinking it when I´m with my family. I have huge problems realizing that I really can´t have one glass.