mdma, seduction, brainwashing, promises
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2013
Posts: 3
mdma, seduction, brainwashing, promises
Hello.
My female friend - a woman with good manners and open heart, very sensitive and sensual, but utterly naive - has been seduced for several months by a man who happens to deal drugs. I know they have had their first attempts with some, but do not know the details.
What i see is that first, she is getting very involved, also admires his wit and all you could imagine, second, he is very systematically using all the dumbest looking techniques, which after all seem to work, third, he seems to be progressing like a snake, but before her eyes are projected ideas of safety, abundance, peace, freedom, good job, child, you name it.
Could be none of my business if I didnot care of her good and if I felt that she was in control. I do, she is not, to say the least.
All my words of warning seem to bring the opposite effect. I am afraid she is losing her faculty of critical thinking. She is also getting impatient, unreasonable, chaotic, unaware of this change of her personality.
I wonder how I could help her. She is already in her 30s, never tried drugs before, she used to trust me, but now it does not matter. The guy is rich, smart, open-minded, well dressed, does sport. His last girl persistently complained he was cold to her until he left her to get this one. He is progressing very skillfully, in an unconfrontational manner, but there are traces of playing on her lowest fears and dreams in a way which worries me so badly.
Let me add, that I feel my image in her eyes in a short time has turned into that of a neurotic guy, troubled by the ghosts of his childhood. I feel I am losing her, not only as a close friend, but also as an acquaintance. Most importantly, she seems to be playing a lost game.
What else can I say? They haven't had sex so far. She claims she would not allow that, but her body language, voice and also words say the opposite.
She has an adult daughter, who, can take care of her should it come to the worst, but I suspect that the problem has not escalated enough to justify such an aggressive intervention and - at some level - disloyalty.
I will appreciate sound advice.
rty
My female friend - a woman with good manners and open heart, very sensitive and sensual, but utterly naive - has been seduced for several months by a man who happens to deal drugs. I know they have had their first attempts with some, but do not know the details.
What i see is that first, she is getting very involved, also admires his wit and all you could imagine, second, he is very systematically using all the dumbest looking techniques, which after all seem to work, third, he seems to be progressing like a snake, but before her eyes are projected ideas of safety, abundance, peace, freedom, good job, child, you name it.
Could be none of my business if I didnot care of her good and if I felt that she was in control. I do, she is not, to say the least.
All my words of warning seem to bring the opposite effect. I am afraid she is losing her faculty of critical thinking. She is also getting impatient, unreasonable, chaotic, unaware of this change of her personality.
I wonder how I could help her. She is already in her 30s, never tried drugs before, she used to trust me, but now it does not matter. The guy is rich, smart, open-minded, well dressed, does sport. His last girl persistently complained he was cold to her until he left her to get this one. He is progressing very skillfully, in an unconfrontational manner, but there are traces of playing on her lowest fears and dreams in a way which worries me so badly.
Let me add, that I feel my image in her eyes in a short time has turned into that of a neurotic guy, troubled by the ghosts of his childhood. I feel I am losing her, not only as a close friend, but also as an acquaintance. Most importantly, she seems to be playing a lost game.
What else can I say? They haven't had sex so far. She claims she would not allow that, but her body language, voice and also words say the opposite.
She has an adult daughter, who, can take care of her should it come to the worst, but I suspect that the problem has not escalated enough to justify such an aggressive intervention and - at some level - disloyalty.
I will appreciate sound advice.
rty
bona fido dog-lover
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: SF Bay area, CA
Posts: 99,776
Welcome to the family! I'm afraid there's not much you can do to talk her out of this relationship and the drugs that go with it.
She has to want it for herself and no one else can make that decision for her.
Let her know you care and are concerned but be advised that your desire to help may fall on deaf ears.
We have a forum here for friends and family of substance abusers. Give it a look for additional insight from those who have been in your shoes.
She has to want it for herself and no one else can make that decision for her.Let her know you care and are concerned but be advised that your desire to help may fall on deaf ears.
We have a forum here for friends and family of substance abusers. Give it a look for additional insight from those who have been in your shoes.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2013
Posts: 3
Thank you for your warm welcome.
I will take it into consideration that what I can do is but my silent presence. I will give up the plan to instruct her about the nature of the manipulations she is subjected to. It all looks so dead simple from the outside, though.
I will look into that subforum. Do I need to start a thread there? There are some more questions related tothat matter.
How can the intentions of that man be told? I realise I am not impartial. What are the cues that let a therapist know definitively that some malevolent intent is behind overly sweet declarations?
I will take it into consideration that what I can do is but my silent presence. I will give up the plan to instruct her about the nature of the manipulations she is subjected to. It all looks so dead simple from the outside, though.
I will look into that subforum. Do I need to start a thread there? There are some more questions related tothat matter.
How can the intentions of that man be told? I realise I am not impartial. What are the cues that let a therapist know definitively that some malevolent intent is behind overly sweet declarations?
A Day at a Time
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Grand Rapids MI
Posts: 6,435
Only those that want to be helped, can be helped unfortunately. I am so sorry for you because I know how hard it is to watch someone self destruct. You've done what you can and the rest is in Gods hands
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2013
Posts: 3
Thank you. THere is still this other side that I do take into consideration. Maybe I am exaggerating?
How can vicious intentions be told from those egoisitic, but not so malevolent? Is there a way to tell that before things actually happen? Maybe they will have a good romance and part as friends? I am asking these questions, because the whole issue is not only potentially tragic, but also interesting to me. I realise I am as naive as she and I have fallen for similar traps in the past.
How can vicious intentions be told from those egoisitic, but not so malevolent? Is there a way to tell that before things actually happen? Maybe they will have a good romance and part as friends? I am asking these questions, because the whole issue is not only potentially tragic, but also interesting to me. I realise I am as naive as she and I have fallen for similar traps in the past.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: Midwest, USA
Posts: 1,022
Adults get to make their own decisions unless they're adjudicated incompetent or lacking capacity. Your friend is thirty, she's an adult. She can date the sleaziest scumbag drug dealer in the neighborhood if that's what she wants to do.
I don't think you have a leg to stand on for doing anything except offering advice, which it sounds like you've already done. Not sure what else you're contemplating.
I don't think you have a leg to stand on for doing anything except offering advice, which it sounds like you've already done. Not sure what else you're contemplating.
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