sutton123

Hello all,

It has been a while since my last post, but I wanted to reconnect with the SR community to seek advice regarding dating in recovery. During my outpatient program, I met an extremely nice, funny, smart guy who recently realized that he has a problem with gambling.

Both he and I are committed to our individual recovery programs, and have been communicating flirtatiously over the past few weeks. I got out of a very serious, on/off, emotionally abusive relationship in January and have been avoiding meeting/dating men ever since. With this being said, I am wondering what peoples' thoughts are about casually hanging out with/dating this guy...? I know that some people say "No new relationships for your first year of sobriety," but I feel as though spending some time with him-- someone who knows about my struggles and accepts, compliments and wants to spend time with me-- would be really wonderful for me.

Anyone have advice?

Thank you!

Malachi

I don't really have any advice. I just know that for me, dealing with all of these changes I'm making is enough without having another person to consider. Right now my only priority is staying sober. As I get further along in recovery, I will see how to deal with it but right now, I need to be selfish in a good way.

Good luck with whatever you choose!

Michelangelo

I have been dating a girl since day 1. I am now six months sober. She has been an invaluable aid. I know for sure I would not be sober now without her. In my experience, the 1 year rule is not true.

Mizzuno

It's up to you. I think in the AA program there is the one year no dating thing. Not sure if that is in the BB. It may have cone from Rehabs. I think if you feel good about it, go for it. It's your life ya know!

Nighthawk8820

I know it can seem tempting, but you really need to focus on yourself right now and on your own sobriety, personal growth, and breaking free from the cycle that has been your life for however long. Plus, and this sounds bad, but you dont want to date someone who is just starting and in the same boat as you are. You can actually impact each other negatively in the long run. I would be friends if you can, but you dont need any distractions from what you are trying to accomplish right now. It can be hard, I have had to turn away from a few good catches because of the timing. I take my sobriety seriously and have faith I will meet the "one" when the time is right.

Grungehead

There is no "rule" about dating in sobriety. The suggestion of waiting one year has come from the experience of generations of people in recovery, and not just AA. I personally couldn't handle it right now at 2 and a half months. I also think that if you want to date this guy nothing anyone says here is going to stop you. If you are in AA and have a sponsor I would ask her. Most people who have a sponsor but come here for personal advice are looking for validation. My advice would be "to thine own self be true".

Nuudawn

I don't know why I'm reminded of this but for some reason, it seems related. I used to work as a legal advocate for prisoners on prison issues, one of which was parole matters. Although it was a bit of joke amongst those of us on the job, we would jokingly warn them not to go getting themselves into a relationship when they got out cuz you'll end up right back in jail. History had shown us time and time again, that they always managed to get their parole suspended over something to do with the new girlfriend. Sorry...twisted example, but it has to do with emotions.

Emotions can run pretty high in new relationships...and well, hmmmm...sometimes we don't know what to do with or how to handle those emotions without a chunk of sobriety and real world thinking under our belt.

Sobriety4Women

Sobriety For Women believes that dating in recovery is tough! There are a lot of reasons why it should be avoided, mainly because when I was getting sober i was not sure what i wanted or who i even was. This caused many conflicts early on in my "relationships" The longer that i have been sober the more i learned how to properly communicate my feelings and needs to a partner. Dating early on in sobriety is just tough, best to avoid if you can!