kpatrick

I need help in quitting drinking. I have tried to do it alone over 1000 times, but I go back to the same pattern of drink, regret, quit, feel like I can handle it .....drink,regret..... I don't drink heavily, at most 3-4 drinks. Maybe 3-4 evenings a week, but drinking consumes my thoughts I know it is not good for me, but I can't seem to stop. I'll convince myself all day long that "I will never drink again", but come evening time I'm sneaking off to the liquor store to buy a 6 pack or a bottle of wine. Once I'm satisfied, usually less than a half bottle of wine, I feel guilty and dump the rest out.

I am otherwise super high functioning. I have never missed a day of work or a workout. I just can't shop the irrational thoughts about drinking. Thoughts of quitting and or drinking are with me much of the day.

As I write, I'm on vacation. I had some wine with dinner. Something I swore I wouldn't do. I return home tomorrow and I want the support of this community to help me with my accountability.

Any advice or encouragement...even scolding is appreciated.

LadyBlue0527

Hi kpatrick, I'm glad that you chose to come here. The important thing is to come back tomorrow.

You talk about how you tell yourself all day that you aren't going to drink but then you go ahead and do it anyway. Have you been able to surpass it for just one evening? That first time is hard. However, the next day, when you wake up it's an amazing feeling to know that you got past that first night. I'm not saying that's easy to do all the time. However, if you force yourself to come here even if it's just to kill the time until you don't have the option then that's what you need to do.

This is a great place, my first day here and I love it. I'm 33 days sober and Saturdays are a bad day. This forum is going to be the reason that I made it through this day.

Please, come back tomorrow and post more and read, read, read!

Dee74

Welcome aboard kpatrick

I agree with Lady Blue - no matter what method of support you choose, you need to face those 'screw it, I'll get a bottle' thoughts and not act on them

you'll find a lot of support here

D

kpatrick

Thank you LadyBlue and Dee,
Your support is exactly why I am here. I have quit drinking for up to two weeks at a time, but I always seem to be able to rationalize starting up again. I plan to utilize the site daily as I know I need the support of others to get me through this. LadyBlue.... I hope day 34 comes easily. Remember, i am looking up to you! Thanks for your comments!

Kpatrick

DisplacedGRITS

Hi kpatrick! I had to change my relationship with alcohol. I cannot drink one drink without it suddenly becoming my whole world. After one drink, i am lost. For me, when i am tempted by that first drink, i have to remember that it is more than that. It changes my brain and becomes the center of my universe again. Try to remember that your relationship with alcohol isn't healthy. You have an obsession of the mind that is all consuming. Your only defense is against that first drink. You may find help through the doors of AA. The only requirement is that you have the desire to stop drinking. If you go, don't look for the differences between you and them. Find the similarities. You may not drink to excess in volume but you are in that ritual so many of us were in. I hope you find the solution you need. It's here, it's at AA and it's in other recovery methods. You just have to have a willingness to go for it and accept all of it into your life.

Hevyn

Welcome to a supportive and encouraging place, kpatrick!

My friends here helped me find the courage to quit a life long drinking habit. In the end it was nothing but misery. I wish it hadn't taken me so long to let go of it. I'm glad you joined us!

MandyJ912

Hi KPatrick! I'm so glad that you shared your issue with us, I am new here as well and seeing everyone's replies shows how caring and knowledgeable everyone is here! LadyBlue mentioned coming on this site to kill time and I second that idea. Maybe if you could find something else to do, or someone to talk to directly after leaving work? I'm just thinking that maybe if you switch your routine up for a while, so that the option to seek out and imbibe after work is not available, it may help. At the treatment center I go to, one of the main things I have learned is that routine and boredom can be two of your worst enemies. You most likely wont be able to squelch those persistent voices in your head for some time, but maybe if you switch things up it may be easier? I wish you all the luck in the world!!

least

to SR! We're here to listen and support you in your quest to be sober.

GroundhogDay

welcome!

Jesse75

On Day 13 here and third day at this site. It's tremendous. It's always there for you when you need to feel less alone in your daily struggles. Welcome!

MIRecovery

AA saved my life when all else failed. it has worked for millions it can work for you too

hypochondriac

Welcome to SR kpatrick

I found this place essential for accountability. My drinking was largely a secret so I was well trained in lying to others and to myself. Well perhaps not lying exactly but rationalisations and maintaining a sense of entitlement to drink, which is more subtle but more insidious. But you can't get anything past a group of recovering alcoholics who have been there before. This is one place where you can be entirely honest and not feel judged but at the same time not be able to manipulate. This place has been essential to my recovery and I am sure you'll find the same. It might be worth checking out some other methods to help you when the urge to drink strikes. One thing that really helped me was 'playing the tape through', ie thinking off all the consequences if I decide to drink before doing it (or not as the case may be ), and things like urge surfing. AVRT however was the thing that really helped me stick to my decision to stay sober. Well worth checking out x

Mustdoit

I have spent years 'controlling' my drinking. Not drunk in public, never missed a days work- though not always at my best. It was my ambition to be able to enjoy a glass or 2and stop, but if you drink on Monday you may as well on Tuesday & Wednesday. I never even thought about drink at work or when busy but on the way home I was looking forward to that wine, all resolve gone - I deserved it. I tried mini bottles to ration myself, low alcohol wine, diary of units drunk - all it did was to make drinking more desirable. It is a lot easier now I have admitted I am an alcoholic. Only 20 days sober but 10 longer than I have managed in the last 16 years.

If you need to control your drinking you won't. Don't try taming a tiger, stick with a cat.

kpatrick

Awesome day today! Absolutely no urge to drink.. and I usually suffer from those Sunday night blues ( justify a drink as I have to go back to work on Monday). This 4th holiday and the following weekend will be OK. If I feel the urge to get some ETOH, I will get on the website and start chatting. I feel really good about this! Thanks to all for the wonderful support.

kpatrick

MandyJ912

That is so great to hear Kpatrick! It sounds like you have a solid start of a plan of action for if you get those pangs again, and that is the best thing you can do for preventative measures!

Nuudawn

Regardless of amounts drank or consequences resulting...that right 'thar is addiction, no ifs, ands or buts.

Welcome. SR is a wealth of support, companionship when you're bored or lonely, wisdom and guidance.

Dee74

How are things now KP?

D

kpatrick

Thank you all for the wonderful support. My first two days back to work after my vacation were very hectic, but I did not even consider drinking. I am very fortunate that the urge to drink at this time is repulsive to me. That can always change, but it is a good initial sign.

I usually get into trouble if my wife and I go out to eat dinner. She really doesn't drink, but that is a time I get somewhat antsy and feel like I should have a drink to relax. No plans on going out soon, but if we do, I will definitely get some pre-encouragemant from the awesome people on the forum.

Another time that would be dangerous is on the weekend. I used to sneak by the liquor store and buy a hidden stash for the weekend evenings. I am super proud to say that I have the next 5 days off and I didn't even consider buying alcohol. I feel very cautiously optimistic!! If the urge strikes me this weekend, I will get on the forum and stay on until the need passes.

Thank you!