ATKR

I didn't start drinking until university, that was ten years ago. I started and I never really stopped. My drinking has provided me the best and worst moments of my life as well as many moments that I'll never remember. Over the last few years I seem to have more bad experiences than good. I now have a great job that I can stay in until I reach retirement age, I have a wife and two beautiful boys, and I live in a very nice small town. I am an alcoholic and I've known it for a while, I've tried to moderate myself but I eventually start to binge again and I inevitably screw something up and try all over again. I can't count how many times this has happened. I have seriously tried getting sober twice in the past year and didn't even make it two weeks. My wife doesn't help my problem as she likes to drink too but she would never call herself an alcoholic and honestly I don't think that she is. My friends are mainly single guys that make too much money and love to party, I feel tremendous pressure to partake in 'having beers' with them and it gets me into trouble (they are also my co-workers). I used to have superb self control and now I almost don't even recognize myself. I can't moderate myself, I need to quit all together because once I have one sip it's game over, I will drink until there is no more left. I fear that if I continue with my habits I'm going to wake up one morning and not only will all the booze be gone but so will my family and my career. I need help and signing up for SR is my first step - I'm too embarrassed to go to A.A as I live in a small town and I'd like to keep my struggle to myself. Thanks for reading.

Nonsensical

Welcome to SR.

I always recommend new members read around the various forums here and learn about the variety of methods members are successfully using to stay sober. Ask questions. Get some knowledge and then you can make an informed choice of a method you think will work for you.

You can do this!

Best of Luck on your journey.

GreenEggsAndHam

Welcome! You sound like me except I'm female. =)

The is no shame in AA. I felt extremely ashamed to go to my first meeting but don't anymore. There are so many of us there - professionals, parents, hard working people, etc. It's been an amazing source of support and inspiration for me and I'm not sure I would have been able to quit without it. I kept my struggle to myself for years and it is such a giant relief to not be alone in this anymore. Just offering you encouragement and support if you do decide to try AA at some point in the future.

But, there is more than one way to skin a cat and you will find what works for you.

Carlotta

to SR. You are not alone anymore.
I hope you will join us in the 24 hours club http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...inners-25.html
Also if you have not done so, check out the June Class. I am with January and I got a LOT of support from my peers http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...pt-3-a-25.html

oak

Welcome to Sober Recovery! There is a lot of support here.

I used to go to AA. I remember the shame I felt when I first went, but over time, the shame went away. Are there other towns nearby in which you could go to meetings? The community support is nice to have when recovering, although people do recover without groups.

I'm glad you found us here.

Bebetter

I just joined today too, and my story is a lot like yours, but I'm a woman. I have 2 young beautiful girls, a fantastic marriage and am a full-time mother. My husband likes to drink, as your wife does, and he doesn't have a problem either, but I think he would say I have a problem.

Like you, once I start, I can't stop. I have had success quitting for a year or even two (once) here and there, but once I decide I'm okay to have a beer, within 6 months I'm back to binging. I quit before by having a therapist to talk things over with, and I quit for my pregnancies, which is easy, and I quit and got really fit once.

Like you, I'm afraid I'll end up with nothing if I keep living like this, and it's not at all fun anymore. I'm even afraid I might end up dead. It's awful.

My kids are my motivation, and I'll be here along with you.

ATKR

Thanks for all your kind words. BeBetter...your situation is very similar to mine, I'm sure there are MANY more like us out there. I'm glad to not only have people to talk to that struggle with alcohol addiction in general but for also having people that might understand unique situations that I will face on the road to recovery.

Something strange happened to me today, while attempting to sleep in preparation for my night shift tonight I was woken up on two separate occasions by nightmares - each nightmare involved me drinking and each one involved me losing my wife, my kids, and my friends. Neither dream was wholly focused on drinking but the result was what I fear will happen to me if I keep drinking. The first dream is part of the reason I joined SR, the second one came after my first post. I don't remember the last time I had a bad dream before these two today, and I am not very superstitious but I do know when something isn't right inside of me and this sends off alarm bells. I've never wanted to sober more than what I did when I felt the feelings I did as I awoke in a panic. My first day of sobriety was yesterday and I am very happy for that.

ATKR

I just finished a night shift and a friend down the street who also just finished work called over to me to come over for some drinks. For those of you that don't work shift work you should know that sometimes the morning after a shift can feel like evening to me and thus a great time to drink - it's often tempting because it's so easy to get drunk as my tolerance is always minimal after a night shift. I didn't go over to his house and when my wife left to visit relatives shortly after I didn't touch the vodka that she has in the fridge. I've got through two situations now that made me really want to drink and it feels good. Right now I'm feeling like this is going to be easy but I know better, I know that there will be moments of greater temptation so to come.

ATKR

My wife just called and asked me a question that she knew the answer to. She doesn't know that I'm working on becoming sober but she does know that I drink too much and that my friend asked me to go over for a drink this morning. I told her that I wasn't going to his house and she was checking to see if I stayed home. Gaining her confidence and trust in me is another reminder of why I'm doing this - I guess I just gained a small but of her confidence and trust by answering the phone.

Should I be writing these small situations in a blog? What is the correct method for sharing my small experiences throughout my sobriety?

Anna

You can share your experiences here or on any of the forums or in a blog - whatever works for you

I'm glad you're doing well, and do be patient with your wife and allow her to see the positive changes in your life.

Carlotta

You are doing excellent ATKR
I sometimes work the night shift and I can completely relate to you. There is something about coming home early morning when everyone is leaving which can be very triggering. When you work night, it's like living in a different world. What I did was change my routine (just like you did).
I used to take the bus home and it would drop me in front of the convenience store where I would get my beer so I started taking the train and walk home from a different direction.
Try talking to your wife about the vodka. Eventually, you will have to live normally and she should not have to stop her drinking moderately because you are a sober alcoholic. That being said, it might not be a good idea to have alcohol in the fridge so early in sobriety. I live alone so I don't have that problem but the thing is that if you have a crazy thought, by the time you get in gear and hit the store, you have had time to think it through hopefully. With alcohol that close, it makes it more difficult.