Rebecca2013

hi, since stopping drinking i am overwhelmed with sad thoughts and hopelessness. i live with a very heavy drinker who has promised to stop too but i have no faith in that. My strength, emotional, physical, spiritual has been depleted over the years til i feel i have nothing left to resist joining him in his behaviour. i am doing all i can to stop, when he is away working it is easier. since a horrendous holiday last month i have quit drinking but cant seem to 'bounce back' emotionally. my natural state of being is optimistic and positive but this time i feel that i cant risk optimism as every time i do i get crushed again. sorry if this sounds like i am wallowing in self pity - i hate that! can anyone offer me any hope that these feelings will pass? thanks and sorry for the negativity.

least

to SR! How long have you been sober? If you are in early recovery such feelings are common and will pass. Stopping drinking in your situation is difficult but not impossible. Quit for yourself, your own well being, despite what your partner is doing.

I'm glad you joined us. You'll find lots of support here.

Sasha4

What keeps you there Rebecca with him?

sugarbear1

If you've stayed stopped for a month, you are already healing.

We don't get well overnight. Give time time.

Are you also using a method of recovery to help you along?

Nonsensical

Welcome! You didn't say directly, but it seems like you've been sober for a month. Congrats for that!



Depression and lack of enthusiasm aren't just common in early sobriety, they are to be expected. Dr. Kevin McCauley explains it better than I can in the YouTube video. The good news is - IT GETS BETTER. So hang in there! Hang around the forums for a while. We're a geneally cheerful bunch. Check out the sober weekend thread!

7. Stress & Addiction - YouTube

tomsteve

welcome Rebecca.
there is a difference between optimism and expectations. being optimistic and positive is a great thing, but expecting others to live up to their promises is a set up for discouragement.

its good to read yer optimistic and positive, but yer gonna have to take accountability and responsibility for your life, and by reading what ya wrote, IMO you already know action is required.

im glad to read about spiritual strength. the program of AA helped me find that spiritual strength and heal mentally and emotionally.

Carlygirl

Hi Rebecca

Welcome. I am new here too and also live with a heavy drinker. He quit with me a week ago but plans to drink tonight because it's Saturday. I won't drink.

I think the fact that you are normally positive bodes really well for you returning to being that person. Presumably you drank for a long time? It's early days. Hang in there.

wpainterw

Rebecca:
Long term recovery from alcoholic dependency is very difficult if you are also dependent on a heavy drinker. Inevitably he will put you under enormous pressure to relapse and join him as a drinking companion. Your future happiness, your life is at stake here and you need some space from this to recover. Would you give up happiness, health, and everything that alcohol eventually takes away just to join him in misery? Is he worth that to you? Are there not others, non drinkers, who could take his place and relieve your loneliness? Give you a longer, happier life instead of a shorter, miserable one?

W.

Rebecca2013

thank you everyone for your helpful and encouraging responses. i have been married to my partner for almost 33 years. over that time we have had good times as well as bad. i was usually more of a social drinker, but, over the past 5 years or so, bereavement (for both of us), ill health (mine) and life in general has seen a rapid acceleration of the frequency of my partner's insane binges. what really worries me is my drinking pattern was becoming more like his so i decided enough was enough. it isn't easy to walk away from someone you still care for and care about but that may have to be my decision. in terms of other help, i am having counselling, living by the principles of AA, looking after myself physically with good diet and exercise, and generally trying to do everything possible. these feelings of hopelessness have been threatening to overwhelm me though so thanks to all who reassured me they will pass.

Nighthawk8820

Its normal to feel low and depressed when starting recovery. Your brain has a ton of healing to do, which effects your emotions in a big way. Try and not invest to much into your thoughts and feelings during this time, as the addiction will play with your mind and emotions. As far as the other drinker, you can only worry about yourself and focus on yourself. This is your journey, and one you will have to do on your own. You can get support, but its ultimately up to you. As you heal and get stronger, you will be amazed at the things you are able to take on and conquer. This takes time, but you just have to stick with it. I wish you the best.

wpainterw

Rebecca:
I had not realized that you have been married that long. Do you happen to have children? Are any living with you? Perhaps, in this early period of recovery, what you might consider is living apart for awhile if he will not join you in sobriety. Then, when things settle down a bit you might get back together again. It's an illness, often called a family illness. And dealing with it is a matter of survival. Another way of looking at it is that it may very well be the best way to help him. Not as a way of forcing him to make a decision which otherwise he might not make. Rather, a way of restoring and preserving your own health, something which cannot help but benefit him in the long run. Only he can make himself better. Your primary responsibility is to yourself, to survive and to be free of alcohol. Without alcohol you and he can be happy again. With it you are likely to be miserable.

W.

Rebecca2013

thank you wpainterw! yes, a long time indeed. somehow today i already feel stronger - largely thanks to all the helpful posts on here. i know i will have lots of ups and downs. we have one son, an adult now (23), who still stays with us. a lovely young man and (funnily enough!) who doesnt touch alcohol! my husband works away half the time so that makes the dynamics even more difficult to deal with when he comes home stressed. however, i can use this time to get myself stronger. i agree it might be best to part for a while - i need to get my head round all options. thanks for your helpful post - time will tell - but at the moment i feel strong and, just for today, that's good!: