RJY9

I just had a glass of wine and to be honest it didnt really make feel great. It was such a spontanius decision as a mate just turned up breifly and i offered him a glass of wine and i found myself pouring myself one and drank it with no hesitation. I have been fighting the urge for 17 days and have been strong and all of a sudden i thought it was ok to drink?? wtf is that all about!?? I really hate being totally sober all the time and honestly think if i can be 17 days dry then i can just drink on weekends only. Anyone else on here managed to curb there drinking in the week days and just have a few on weekends? I'm in a bit of mess in my mind with it all. Sorry to let everyone down! (

soberclover

It is pretty common for people who are trying to stay sober all of a sudden think that they can handle having a few. It's part of the alcoholic way of thinking. For me, I know that I have to stay sober. I'm not thrilled with that all of the time but for my health I have to. Not many people can moderate successfully, maybe you will be able to. Time will tell.

Carlotta

The only person you are letting down is yourself.
You said you offered your friend a glass of wine, having alcohol around is really not a good idea when you are in early sobriety.
Do you have a plan? Do you follow a program? Until you want to be sober more than you want to drink nothing will work.
Try moderate drinking and see how it works but chances are that it will end up badly. Hopefully, you ll make it back to recovery.

Isaiah

A slip, no matter how it makes you feel, is not the final call unless you make it so. You can start again right now. No one here feels let down, I promise.

I tried drinking by a schedule, it didn't work. There were those "spontaneous decisions" like the one you had that made it impossible.

Soberpotamus

I'm wondering... would a normal drinker think this way?

Lifewillgetbet

I tried to moderate and before I could even think straight I ended up with an empty handle.
Then I tried to moderate again, and again , and again, and the excuses were - Hey I had a good day - go buy a bottle, hey I had a bad day - go buy a bottle and Hey you have nothing better to do - go buy a bottle. It took a lot of time and energy to become an alcoholic and it is probably going to take longer to get better.

Keep strong!!!

bloss

Glad you shared about the experience,. Trust me, you didn't disappoint anyone. SR gas always been a place I feel safe sharing what I'm thinking, feeling and so on.

Don't give up ever, many times I drank after X number of days. If you really want to stop drinking, keep trying. About the weekend drinking, I did that for quite a while. Eventually, it became whatever day of the week I gave in to the urge. I hope you decide to take care of yourself, alcohol beat me up pretty badly.

losteverything

Yep, I call it my Alcoholic Rainbow.... first, I am at the top of the arch, and taking the first drink is alright, its not too steep yet...but gradually, the slope gets steeper, and I slide down faster, until i reach the end...and that ain't no pot of gold..

Nuudawn

You know ..just this morning I was thinking about all my failed quits. Quitting takes work and there is stuff to go through. I figured I could moderate because I couldn't endure the quitting process. I couldn't "go through it' to the other side.

Hating every minute of it..is not a great quitting mindspace. Been there..and wasted many more years killing brain cells, arresting my development, losing my interest in being human.
In the end, I realized that one drink is basically getting into a moving car without a steering wheel or brakes. I have no idea what could happen..no certainty that I can stop that car.

Notmyrealname

Hey, you're not alone, and at least you stopped at one and didn't keep going for a day or two. Can just dust off and climb back on that wagon.

Wow people have a lot of metaphors mine is an avalanche, it starts slow with a few rocks, stones or snow, and by the time it gets to the bottom it's this huge destructive force of nature. watch out!

lessgravity

I'm right there too, at around the same date.

My AV is in full force, feels like it has taken over.

I keep telling myself x, y, z re: SR and even went to a meeting today.

Nonetheless my AV won't stop, and consequently I'm struggling.

Hope to see you here again.

I'll try and stay strong as well.

ClearLight

That's the Holy Grail for alchys. They chase it for decades. I did.
Finally I realized I might as well try and catch the wind.

Nuudawn

What's the lying greedy little troll trying to tell you?

lessgravity

That the buzz is so good, that I just want a few, that I deserve it, that it's not the end of the world - I've stayed sober for over 2 weeks and so what is one night? ETC ETC.

Ugh....,.

ippochick

a slip is just that - a slip. i moderated my drinking all the way to rock bottom and nearly lost it all.

nobody is saying it should be easy, or that you should beat yourself up.

just take a moment to remember why you started the fight. one day at a time is working for me except when the cravings hit - i'm off the valium and will be white-knuckling it until i can start my treatment program.

i was a lot further down the rabbit-hole than some of you here. it doesn't make it better or worse. we're in this together.

be well, rjy and less. hell, that goes for everyone.

Sonrisa12

Lessgravity - I feel you. I do. I have the same voice saying the same thing. Hard to be in NYC on a Friday and not go out. I feel like its the battle of my life actually. And I got so frustrated today I almost tossed my printer across the room. Ugh.

Im going to go to the gym tonight and get out of the house in a productive way. My witching hour is around 7 - so that is when I am going to go. Hope to be tired and pass out when I get home.

Here is to 13 days. Taking it one day at a time.

Nuudawn

It's lying. The buzz is artificial..empty, lonely, isolating, soul killing, money grubbing, joy stealing, weak and cowardly.
I don't think you deserve poison for two weeks of hard work. You deserve a good belly laugh or some ice cream or a new shirt or a great book...or a massage!

Alcohol is the end of your world...it's a slow death spiral of little dignity. What will it solve? You want to scratch an itch that will never ever go away if you feed it..that itchy spot will just get bigger and more demanding and require more and more and more.

lessgravity

Love Nuu - more!

Sonrisa12

Thank you Nuu - that hit home for me

TexasMichael

Moderation is a myth. I threw away almost a year of sobriety for one beer. Thought after almost a year of sobriety one beer could not hurt. Then only weekends. Was soon back to 10+ per day.

Took me three-and-a-half years to stop again. The high wears off quickly. The depression, anxiety and fear lasts much longer. Just now feeling better again at 100 days sober.

No way I'm gonna throw it away again.

You hit your reset button on 17 days. It gets harder to reset everytime.