MyTimeNow

Having one of those days, not a bad one but I figure writing will get things out some.

I'm still feeling quite tired sometimes, but today I am so teary!

I've just read an article about how Christopher Reeve's face was superimposed over (erm.. new actor) in the new film as a tribute and I started blubbing! Ohhh Christopher you were so wonderful (like I knew him?!) Then you had that terrible accident and carried on and then - you died! You died!! Blub!!

Haha what is going on with me? I've had tears for Nelson Mandela already, I'm crying at random things in the news, gawd 'elp me if Andy Murray goes out of Wimbledon today...

Nothing particularly wrong at home, some financial issues that are a git but am dealing with them, everyone in good health in general, I've had 2 major AV battles and overcome them - it's just like I want to get everything out and BAWL! I only used to cry when I was drunk. Maybe it' my subconscious simmering underneath and trying to get things out. Who knows.

Thanks for reading, just wanted to get that out

doggonecarl

Nothing that almost every alcoholic in early sobriety goes through. Our nerves, our emotions, are raw. Things will normalize soon...if you stay sober.

Good luck.

MyTimeNow

Thank you Carl, it does feel like everything is just waiting to burst out if that makes sense. I hope it doesn't, I hope I can deal with things bit by bit, rather than a tidal wave.

It's just stopped raining for the first time today and the sun is shining (3.10pm) so hopefully I can get out and continue hacking my garden to relieve some angst. I'll probably step on a snail and cry!

GreenEggsAndHam

I know how it is! I've cried for hours the past two weeks, usually for no real reason.

Olive1

Let's see.....on my third day of rehab, which would have been around my 19th day of sobriety, I cried nonstop the whole day. Nothing specific set it off. I think deep, deep down inside, subconscious, core of my being, I was realizing that I was probably never going to drink again and that my life was going to change.

MyTimeNow

Seems I am just going to have to put up with it then Even a walk round the park will have me welling up. I'm also quite excited as I found this https://www.facebook.com/SmartRecove...04321156361857

Apologies if not allowed to post the link please remove if breaking rules. It's a list of new SMART meetings in the UK. One is 5 minutes in the car from me. I've messaged about it today. Feeling excited about that. No offense anybody, but I need more than SR and I've had CBT group therapy before and quite enjoyed it (in a bizarre way!)

Excited and teary all rolled in to one. I guess it beats depressed and angry.

MyTimeNow

It's scary isn't it? That's how I feel somewhat. I'm not quite there yet. My life needed to change so much, and still does, I do feel a bit like I am grieving, although I'm not sure what for as no good has come from alcohol all these years.

I'm crying again! Ha. Need to pull it together, I have a 4 year old asleep on the sofa and a 15 year old due home any minute. Right time to crack on with tea, nobody can cry over chicken fajitas right?

ippochick

i had my therapy session today - before going for her doctorate in psychology, my therapist was a drug and alcohol counsellor.

so i sort of steered today's session towards talking about my sobriety, and my god it was CATHARTIC. i came away exhausted, but feeling....clean.

i haven't cried too much yet, but then i'm on so many meds you could probably stamp on kittens in front of me and i wouldn't even flinch.

indulge that sadness, MTN. we're grieving for the life we can no longer have, and it hurts and it pisses us off and makes us so ******* angry, but we know there is no other way.

i got your back, missus x

snipe

I can relate. I have 16 days now and a couple of days ago I was incredibly squirrelly and on an emotional roller coaster. The next day I was much better.

I just figure I have to expect some volatility and remind myself when it gets bad that it will pass.

Olive1

Alcohol was my best friend at times. When I finally gave it up, it was as if my best friend had died and was never coming back. I think grieving is essential.

ippochick

snipe - squirrelly is the PERFECT word to describe that feeling. that was me yesterday, but today i am calm. tired, but peacefully so. it's been years since i felt like this.

MyTimeNow

Thanks ippo, this is why I love this site. So many people here, here for each other and understanding. It means a lot x

This is what I am doing. The teariness is easier than the anxiety AV battle, so I'll take it and get an early night and see what tomorrow brings. Sleep is very much my friend at the moment.

I think that's it, I need to keep strong. I like my early nights reading and I like my early mornings.. but I do miss switching off and forgetting about everything. That is complete AV!!! It nearly got me then reminiscing. Oh the good times. Yeah right - puking and hangovers. Brilliant!

Nuudawn

You're thawing out. Alcohol abuse keeps us numb to the ebb and flow of our emotions It's like we've dammed them all up with drinks for every emotional occasion. I'm overreacting all over the place at times...whether that be crying easily or angering at silly things. It's exhausting and hard work to just let these things come and taking a look at the things that I do react to. Sometimes they are boundary violations...sometimes I'm just being silly over something trivial...but it's all growing in the right direction.

whipster

I keep a small hand towel next to my computer because all the sudden I will have the urge to cry upon seeing a photo or hearing something on the radio which pokes some long-lost emotion. I am a man in my 50's...I never really cried since childhood.

Gotta let all this "bottled up" stuff out.

Nighthawk8820

Oh that is completely normal. Alcohol effects the brain, which includes your emotions. When you detox, expect those emotions to be all over the place for a few months. I remember crying at that effing Sarah McGlachlan commercial with the abused pets. (Its a sad commercial anyway, but that day it made me a mess). Then I would laugh at horror movies or when I got frustrated. Its a roller-coaster, but don't worry, it levels out .

I think with drinking, it numbs you, so when you remove it from the equation, your emotions come like a rain storm. Its good to feel again though.

MyTimeNow

Thanks guys, it's good to know it's 'natural'.

Big breakthrough for me - I've emailed my Mum with the SMART recovery meeting time - it's 6pm, no worse time as a single parent for me. She said of course she will collect DD from nursery when she's not working in London, a very positive move and she is proud of me. Cue more tears!

Nuudawn

That commercial is brutal...I don't think you have to be detoxing to be levelled by that one.

MyTimeNow

Thanks Nighthawk we cross posted. Much appreciated.

Ok... bath and bedtime here for DD. I know I'll be one extreme to the other and super splashing and laughing! Catch up later

ReadyAtLast

sorry you're feeling down. I found I'd normally numb my emotions with alcohol,now I'm feeling them now I'vegot sober.It's a new,strange feeling but it's real and strangely liberating.Try not to fight it.If youwant to cry,cry

Sending you hugs

MyTimeNow

A sigh of relief from me with one 4yr old in bed and one teen on a sleepover. Murray appears to be winning...

Thanks all for making me feel 'normal'. Even though wet outside I'm still tempted to get the loppers out in the garden. I'm going from tired, to crying, to manic... I'm not entirely sure what I'm feeling! *white coats*