jessieandme2003

My AH walked out this time last year and I filed the divorce. A couple grand in fees and he comes back before the 90 day waiting period is up. Convinces me to reconcile because he is sober.
Now here we are again. I just paid another retainer. Sure hope I have the guts to stick with it this time.

splendra

Jessieandme

((((((((((((((((((BIGHUG)))))))))))))))))))))) 4 jessie and you

tootiredmom

good luck sticking to your guns. I realize it sounds like a lot of money and it is, but it is also a lot of work for the lawyer and usually, at least for me, the lawyer really cares about what happens to you and will support your decisions, stay or go, but we have to feed out families too. Good luck and keep looking for tomorrow.

amarie

I know it's a big expense right now, but at least you know you tried. There shouldn't be any guilt and I pray that you have the strength to see it through this time. It's very hard to let go, but sometimes it's even harder to stay. You and your daughter need stability and he's not capable of giving you that. Good luck and be strong.

prodigal

Okay, you reconciled. Does he have people - such as neighbors - who will testify you two were cohabitating as man and wife. If not, forget it .... just file for a divorce based on the day he originally left. In Maryland, a spouse can file one year and one day after a separtion simply based on living apart with no chance of reconciliation.

I'm not familiar with Pennsylvania law, but like I said - if nobody can coraborate his contention that you two reconciled - file NOW.

My former AH didn't live with me, but for almost four months he would come over on weekends and drink my booze and eat my food and give me sex (which I could only do if I got trashed). I finally told him a flat-out "NO" to his plea that we continue our "agreement." Oh, pleeeasszzzzeeee!!

I still had a problem ... could have got my divorce regardless of having sexual relations with my ex after we separated ... but he wanted to drag the divorce out to two years so he could continue to suck off of my great health insurance plan. Maryland law says that you cannot get a spouse off your insurance until the divorce is final. Sigh.

I think you should still try for a divorce.

HOW long do you have to live apart in PA before you can file - six months? Maryland is ridiculous - an entire year before you can file - ick.

P.S. - I'm very familiar with domestic law in my state, but it is actually illegal for me to give you legal advice, so this is strictly off the record.

jessieandme2003

I am staying strong in the decision this year. I can tell I am much stronger than last year because I am much calmer. I do not spend my time wondering where he is or what he is doing. I used to hate picturing him having a great time while I was struggling. Now I am just doing my own thing and finding happiness in each day. I swear to you all, the things they teach us here really do work.
I am lucky in that when he first walks out on us he is usually feeling guilty and is willing to cooperate. He signed the papers willingly last year "to show he loves us, if it was what I really wanted" and he is saying similar things this year. The lawyer knows to have them ready within days so we cna get that part done quickly.
My AH usually begins to regret his decision and miss 'home' and being taken care of after a couple months of fun summer party living. He wears his body down and his finances, and finds himself in need of help. That is the time I will have to be strongest. I know it and I am preapring myself mentally each day. I will need this group then, as I always have, to help me keep my head straight.
Until then, its a pleasant single life for me for a little while. I actually like it, time with my daughter alone, making my own decisions, no fear of each days insanity.