What will happen tomorow

Old 06-27-2013, 04:43 PM
  # 1 (permalink)  
Member
Thread Starter
 
Join Date: Jun 2013
Posts: 157
What will happen tomorow

That is what I have been thinking about today. Friday night is the usual night my husband goes out after work and drinks and gets his drugs. It was better last week after we talked. He used mostly only on Friday night before he came home and he was pleasant to be around all weekend. We had that talk though, and I know I said things that I should have said differently. It did make us talk more though. This week he talked more about his cocaine use and he is telling me that he enjoys using it but he doesnt think he is addicted to it. He said tomorrow he will skip going out with his friends and we moved our plans up for the night and will spend the whole night out together. Im not as anxious this week but if it goes wrong and I have my hopes up then Im going to be hurting.
Do you guys think he sounds like he is only using for fun, and not like an addict would? Ive read a lot on here and other places on the web, and some things sound like addiction and some dont. In talking although I knew he had used drugs some in the past, he says coke it the only one he has liked very much, and he has used it off and on for about 9 years. He said maybe only a couple times a year until just a few months ago. Maybe he is seeing that he cant do this every weekend and not have problems. He says this guy at work is hard into it, and he feels like hanging around him has made him want it more and caused him to use.

Last edited by OneNightAWeek; 06-27-2013 at 04:45 PM. Reason: spelling
OneNightAWeek is offline  
Old 06-27-2013, 05:42 PM
  # 2 (permalink)  
Member
 
interrupted's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2012
Posts: 499
Comparing out to others ("he's so much worse than me, he's really hard into it") is another red flag for addiction. Incidentally, that was always my sister's first tell in a relapse situation, but that's neither here nor there.

More will be revealed in time, just remember to pay attention to the actions, not the words.
interrupted is offline  
Old 06-27-2013, 06:20 PM
  # 3 (permalink)  
Member
 
AnvilheadII's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: W Washington
Posts: 11,589
and he feels like hanging around him has made him want it more and caused him to use.

oh please.
AnvilheadII is offline  
Old 06-27-2013, 07:23 PM
  # 4 (permalink)  
Member
 
DG0409's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2013
Posts: 5,439
It's not like we start out as addicts. We all start to use for 'fun' and become addicted along the way.

Wanting it more is a sign that he is becoming more addicted. It's not because he somehow has increased his interest in having 'fun'.

His frequency in use has increased... another trademark sign of addiction.

His relationship is suffering because of his drug use... another sign of addiction.

He continues to use, despite you talking to him about it... another sign of addiction.

I would say ALL THE SIGNS POINT TO ADDICTION.
DG0409 is offline  
Old 06-27-2013, 08:12 PM
  # 5 (permalink)  
Member
 
Join Date: Jan 2009
Posts: 864
Friday night a source of anxiety for most who watch. I use to dread Friday, money is pocket he would surely be copping …. Well until he had to cop every day.

Look tomorrow will show more. And yet even if it goes exactly as you hope it does … even if he doesn’t use and then keeps that up all weekend … it still won’t really show much. Each can easily be as a reinforcement but not necessarily to the truth. Time though will show the truth, it always does as will his behavior.

And addicts like to prove they aren’t hooked, just to say hey see I can stop at anytime. Cocaine addicts do not have to use each day to be considered an addict.


And this…
He says this guy at work is hard into it, and he feels like hanging around him has made him want it more and caused him to use.
From my experience, when my husband compared out it was like him telling me exactly how bad it was for him and in some cases he was way worse, but couldn’t see it at the time.
And don’t miss the contradiction is what he said … no one made him want it more, or caused him to use. He likes this drug, he admitted that to you already.

I do hope that maybe he is seeing that his drug use and a good life don’t jive…anything is possible and if he isn’t done that will be real obvious.
incitingsilence is offline  
Old 06-27-2013, 08:28 PM
  # 6 (permalink)  
Member
 
EnglishGarden's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: new moon road
Posts: 1,545
Whether it is addiction or not, is this really all right with you:

"Friday night is the usual night my husband goes out after work and drinks AND GETS HIS DRUGS."

I can tell you that if I was married to someone who used cocaine AT ALL, it would not be okay with me.

It is not okay. He is moving into the party life. He is moving into the drug lifestyle. What you are tolerating would not be okay with most healthy women. A husband doing illegal drugs, snorting or smoking coke as a way to unwind after a week of work . . . a healthy woman would not see this as okay whether it is addiction or not.

Your life has become so small that you can't see it. This is what starts to happen. Believe me. What others can see, you can't see.

You're married. You have a home together. Cocaine should not be a part of this picture. At all.
EnglishGarden is offline  
Old 06-27-2013, 11:34 PM
  # 7 (permalink)  
Member
 
Join Date: May 2013
Posts: 83
When my husband came back after his first speed week long 'holiday' we had a real talk a few nights in from his return. He also told me he wasn't into it bad & didn't need help as he could just stop. Just like that. He'd been on it for around 6wks in total at this stage (well thats what i thought at the time) so i thought this could be possible.

He told me some crazy stories about the people he had been hanging out with, ie. the lies they told for money & the trouble they were getting themselves in to. He said he didn't want anything to do with those people ever again...1.5wks later he was back there...

I wanted to believe him sooooo bad even tho I had red lights flashing.

See how you go this weekend. You'll soon figure out how bad (or not) things are & how much more of this you are able/willing to take. it doesnt sound like you're quite ready to make any big changes just yet. Youve just got to ride the wave for a while longer until it takes you to that point. Just be prepared.

Goodluck, breathe & stay safe
Needingadvice1 is offline  
Old 06-28-2013, 12:17 AM
  # 8 (permalink)  
Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2013
Posts: 112
7 Years ago, I noticed my husband constantly had an issue with his nose, it was either red, slightly swollen or it bled when he sneezed. When confronted he said he was snorting coke with a buddy at work. I thought it was OK, being the loving, loyal wife that I was, I accepted it and left it at that. He also said he was just doing it occasionally and only for fun! How I wish I knew different and acted different then. I was 21, young and naïve, newly married and wanted to make things work, wanted to keep him happy. Now he is a Meth addict, things have escalated and spiralled way out of control. The truth is what starts out as fun can become a bad habit and eventually end up in addiction, and addiction is a downward spiral. I also used to hope and pray that he would stay sober when he said he would and would end up hurt when he broke his word. Thing is I learned that you cannot rely on someone who uses drugs and you really can't trust them to keep their promises.
I hope you'll have a good weekend. Take care of yourself.
Angelscry is offline  
Old 06-28-2013, 01:08 PM
  # 9 (permalink)  
Member
Thread Starter
 
Join Date: Jun 2013
Posts: 157
Originally Posted by EnglishGarden View Post
Whether it is addiction or not, is this really all right with you:

"Friday night is the usual night my husband goes out after work and drinks AND GETS HIS DRUGS."

I can tell you that if I was married to someone who used cocaine AT ALL, it would not be okay with me.

It is not okay. He is moving into the party life. He is moving into the drug lifestyle. What you are tolerating would not be okay with most healthy women. A husband doing illegal drugs, snorting or smoking coke as a way to unwind after a week of work . . . a healthy woman would not see this as okay whether it is addiction or not.

Your life has become so small that you can't see it. This is what starts to happen. Believe me. What others can see, you can't see.

You're married. You have a home together. Cocaine should not be a part of this picture. At all.
I think some of this is out of context. He has only been doing this the last couple of months, and I feel like at first I didnt realize really what was going on. Its nothing Ive seen before. I guess it is sort of the party life though. He never used to go out with guys after work on Friday. Never came home high.

I dont think my life has become small except I do see where I have been isolating for these last couple of months over the weekends. At first I felt somewhat responsible like I condoned it when he first started and I didnt object very strongly, then I was in shock that he would act the way he was, and then I was trying to talk to him but see now that my words were not really being heard because I would talk to him when he was high, or when he was feeling sick and coming down. Then Monday would arrive and all would be normal and I let it go. It was an unhealthy cycle. I am trying now to understand it, and break it. I think I am making progress. I have told one of my close friends and now i have a place to go if he uses again on the weekend. I have talked to him at the proper times during the week when he is not using and more clear. I saw some changes last weekend, and after more talking, and him being in the guest room most of the week, I hope he has had time to think also. He says he has, and now I have to wait and see. I am also thinking still about going to see a counselor for myself, someone who knows about addiction and can advise me on what to do. Even if my husband stops using this weekend, I still think he needs to talk to someone too. I think he may be on the verge of losing control. That part is very scary.
OneNightAWeek is offline  
Old 06-28-2013, 01:13 PM
  # 10 (permalink)  
Member
Thread Starter
 
Join Date: Jun 2013
Posts: 157
Originally Posted by Needingadvice1 View Post
When my husband came back after his first speed week long 'holiday' we had a real talk a few nights in from his return. He also told me he wasn't into it bad & didn't need help as he could just stop. Just like that. He'd been on it for around 6wks in total at this stage (well thats what i thought at the time) so i thought this could be possible.

He told me some crazy stories about the people he had been hanging out with, ie. the lies they told for money & the trouble they were getting themselves in to. He said he didn't want anything to do with those people ever again...1.5wks later he was back there...

I wanted to believe him sooooo bad even tho I had red lights flashing.

See how you go this weekend. You'll soon figure out how bad (or not) things are & how much more of this you are able/willing to take. it doesnt sound like you're quite ready to make any big changes just yet. Youve just got to ride the wave for a while longer until it takes you to that point. Just be prepared.

Goodluck, breathe & stay safe
thank you for this. really close to what Im seeing. The friend he says is hard into using coke at work. Some of it does make sense to me. This person started working with him only late last year. I met him at a work Christmas party. He was as my husband described, and has a lot of the signs of a coke user that I have read about. He is fun, charming, upbeat. He is just a little younger than my husband and they hit it off at work. Just a couple months after this is when I first found out my husband had used (before our wedding) but you know his guy friends were taking him out a lot before he got married, and I let it all slide. I never saw signs of a problem so I thought it would all pass quickly, I mean who uses drugs all the time? That was me. This behavior has only been going on a couple of months and it could be like progression. And Ive been reading if a person is addicted, or even if they just like the drug, then being around someone all day at work who is probably high part of the time, who talks about drugs, who goes with him to get drugs. Those are bad things. The friend I know isnt causing my husband to use the drugs, he could say no. I just want him to say no and walk away and come home instead.
OneNightAWeek is offline  

Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
 
Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off




All times are GMT -7. The time now is 12:09 PM.