What will happen tomorow
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2013
Posts: 157
What will happen tomorow
That is what I have been thinking about today. Friday night is the usual night my husband goes out after work and drinks and gets his drugs. It was better last week after we talked. He used mostly only on Friday night before he came home and he was pleasant to be around all weekend. We had that talk though, and I know I said things that I should have said differently. It did make us talk more though. This week he talked more about his cocaine use and he is telling me that he enjoys using it but he doesnt think he is addicted to it. He said tomorrow he will skip going out with his friends and we moved our plans up for the night and will spend the whole night out together. Im not as anxious this week but if it goes wrong and I have my hopes up then Im going to be hurting.
Do you guys think he sounds like he is only using for fun, and not like an addict would? Ive read a lot on here and other places on the web, and some things sound like addiction and some dont. In talking although I knew he had used drugs some in the past, he says coke it the only one he has liked very much, and he has used it off and on for about 9 years. He said maybe only a couple times a year until just a few months ago. Maybe he is seeing that he cant do this every weekend and not have problems. He says this guy at work is hard into it, and he feels like hanging around him has made him want it more and caused him to use.
Do you guys think he sounds like he is only using for fun, and not like an addict would? Ive read a lot on here and other places on the web, and some things sound like addiction and some dont. In talking although I knew he had used drugs some in the past, he says coke it the only one he has liked very much, and he has used it off and on for about 9 years. He said maybe only a couple times a year until just a few months ago. Maybe he is seeing that he cant do this every weekend and not have problems. He says this guy at work is hard into it, and he feels like hanging around him has made him want it more and caused him to use.
Last edited by OneNightAWeek; 06-27-2013 at 04:45 PM. Reason: spelling
Comparing out to others ("he's so much worse than me, he's really hard into it") is another red flag for addiction. Incidentally, that was always my sister's first tell in a relapse situation, but that's neither here nor there.
More will be revealed in time, just remember to pay attention to the actions, not the words.
More will be revealed in time, just remember to pay attention to the actions, not the words.
It's not like we start out as addicts. We all start to use for 'fun' and become addicted along the way.
Wanting it more is a sign that he is becoming more addicted. It's not because he somehow has increased his interest in having 'fun'.
His frequency in use has increased... another trademark sign of addiction.
His relationship is suffering because of his drug use... another sign of addiction.
He continues to use, despite you talking to him about it... another sign of addiction.
I would say ALL THE SIGNS POINT TO ADDICTION.
Wanting it more is a sign that he is becoming more addicted. It's not because he somehow has increased his interest in having 'fun'.
His frequency in use has increased... another trademark sign of addiction.
His relationship is suffering because of his drug use... another sign of addiction.
He continues to use, despite you talking to him about it... another sign of addiction.
I would say ALL THE SIGNS POINT TO ADDICTION.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2009
Posts: 864
Friday night a source of anxiety for most who watch. I use to dread Friday, money is pocket he would surely be copping …. Well until he had to cop every day.
Look tomorrow will show more. And yet even if it goes exactly as you hope it does … even if he doesn’t use and then keeps that up all weekend … it still won’t really show much. Each can easily be as a reinforcement but not necessarily to the truth. Time though will show the truth, it always does as will his behavior.
And addicts like to prove they aren’t hooked, just to say hey see I can stop at anytime. Cocaine addicts do not have to use each day to be considered an addict.
And this…
From my experience, when my husband compared out it was like him telling me exactly how bad it was for him and in some cases he was way worse, but couldn’t see it at the time.
And don’t miss the contradiction is what he said … no one made him want it more, or caused him to use. He likes this drug, he admitted that to you already.
I do hope that maybe he is seeing that his drug use and a good life don’t jive…anything is possible and if he isn’t done that will be real obvious.
Look tomorrow will show more. And yet even if it goes exactly as you hope it does … even if he doesn’t use and then keeps that up all weekend … it still won’t really show much. Each can easily be as a reinforcement but not necessarily to the truth. Time though will show the truth, it always does as will his behavior.
And addicts like to prove they aren’t hooked, just to say hey see I can stop at anytime. Cocaine addicts do not have to use each day to be considered an addict.
And this…
He says this guy at work is hard into it, and he feels like hanging around him has made him want it more and caused him to use.
And don’t miss the contradiction is what he said … no one made him want it more, or caused him to use. He likes this drug, he admitted that to you already.
I do hope that maybe he is seeing that his drug use and a good life don’t jive…anything is possible and if he isn’t done that will be real obvious.
Whether it is addiction or not, is this really all right with you:
"Friday night is the usual night my husband goes out after work and drinks AND GETS HIS DRUGS."
I can tell you that if I was married to someone who used cocaine AT ALL, it would not be okay with me.
It is not okay. He is moving into the party life. He is moving into the drug lifestyle. What you are tolerating would not be okay with most healthy women. A husband doing illegal drugs, snorting or smoking coke as a way to unwind after a week of work . . . a healthy woman would not see this as okay whether it is addiction or not.
Your life has become so small that you can't see it. This is what starts to happen. Believe me. What others can see, you can't see.
You're married. You have a home together. Cocaine should not be a part of this picture. At all.
"Friday night is the usual night my husband goes out after work and drinks AND GETS HIS DRUGS."
I can tell you that if I was married to someone who used cocaine AT ALL, it would not be okay with me.
It is not okay. He is moving into the party life. He is moving into the drug lifestyle. What you are tolerating would not be okay with most healthy women. A husband doing illegal drugs, snorting or smoking coke as a way to unwind after a week of work . . . a healthy woman would not see this as okay whether it is addiction or not.
Your life has become so small that you can't see it. This is what starts to happen. Believe me. What others can see, you can't see.
You're married. You have a home together. Cocaine should not be a part of this picture. At all.
Member
Join Date: May 2013
Posts: 83
When my husband came back after his first speed week long 'holiday' we had a real talk a few nights in from his return. He also told me he wasn't into it bad & didn't need help as he could just stop. Just like that. He'd been on it for around 6wks in total at this stage (well thats what i thought at the time) so i thought this could be possible.
He told me some crazy stories about the people he had been hanging out with, ie. the lies they told for money & the trouble they were getting themselves in to. He said he didn't want anything to do with those people ever again...1.5wks later he was back there...
I wanted to believe him sooooo bad even tho I had red lights flashing.
See how you go this weekend. You'll soon figure out how bad (or not) things are & how much more of this you are able/willing to take. it doesnt sound like you're quite ready to make any big changes just yet. Youve just got to ride the wave for a while longer until it takes you to that point. Just be prepared.
Goodluck, breathe & stay safe
He told me some crazy stories about the people he had been hanging out with, ie. the lies they told for money & the trouble they were getting themselves in to. He said he didn't want anything to do with those people ever again...1.5wks later he was back there...
I wanted to believe him sooooo bad even tho I had red lights flashing.
See how you go this weekend. You'll soon figure out how bad (or not) things are & how much more of this you are able/willing to take. it doesnt sound like you're quite ready to make any big changes just yet. Youve just got to ride the wave for a while longer until it takes you to that point. Just be prepared.
Goodluck, breathe & stay safe
Member
Join Date: Apr 2013
Posts: 112
7 Years ago, I noticed my husband constantly had an issue with his nose, it was either red, slightly swollen or it bled when he sneezed. When confronted he said he was snorting coke with a buddy at work. I thought it was OK, being the loving, loyal wife that I was, I accepted it and left it at that. He also said he was just doing it occasionally and only for fun! How I wish I knew different and acted different then. I was 21, young and naïve, newly married and wanted to make things work, wanted to keep him happy. Now he is a Meth addict, things have escalated and spiralled way out of control. The truth is what starts out as fun can become a bad habit and eventually end up in addiction, and addiction is a downward spiral. I also used to hope and pray that he would stay sober when he said he would and would end up hurt when he broke his word. Thing is I learned that you cannot rely on someone who uses drugs and you really can't trust them to keep their promises.
I hope you'll have a good weekend. Take care of yourself.
I hope you'll have a good weekend. Take care of yourself.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2013
Posts: 157
Whether it is addiction or not, is this really all right with you:
"Friday night is the usual night my husband goes out after work and drinks AND GETS HIS DRUGS."
I can tell you that if I was married to someone who used cocaine AT ALL, it would not be okay with me.
It is not okay. He is moving into the party life. He is moving into the drug lifestyle. What you are tolerating would not be okay with most healthy women. A husband doing illegal drugs, snorting or smoking coke as a way to unwind after a week of work . . . a healthy woman would not see this as okay whether it is addiction or not.
Your life has become so small that you can't see it. This is what starts to happen. Believe me. What others can see, you can't see.
You're married. You have a home together. Cocaine should not be a part of this picture. At all.
"Friday night is the usual night my husband goes out after work and drinks AND GETS HIS DRUGS."
I can tell you that if I was married to someone who used cocaine AT ALL, it would not be okay with me.
It is not okay. He is moving into the party life. He is moving into the drug lifestyle. What you are tolerating would not be okay with most healthy women. A husband doing illegal drugs, snorting or smoking coke as a way to unwind after a week of work . . . a healthy woman would not see this as okay whether it is addiction or not.
Your life has become so small that you can't see it. This is what starts to happen. Believe me. What others can see, you can't see.
You're married. You have a home together. Cocaine should not be a part of this picture. At all.
I dont think my life has become small except I do see where I have been isolating for these last couple of months over the weekends. At first I felt somewhat responsible like I condoned it when he first started and I didnt object very strongly, then I was in shock that he would act the way he was, and then I was trying to talk to him but see now that my words were not really being heard because I would talk to him when he was high, or when he was feeling sick and coming down. Then Monday would arrive and all would be normal and I let it go. It was an unhealthy cycle. I am trying now to understand it, and break it. I think I am making progress. I have told one of my close friends and now i have a place to go if he uses again on the weekend. I have talked to him at the proper times during the week when he is not using and more clear. I saw some changes last weekend, and after more talking, and him being in the guest room most of the week, I hope he has had time to think also. He says he has, and now I have to wait and see. I am also thinking still about going to see a counselor for myself, someone who knows about addiction and can advise me on what to do. Even if my husband stops using this weekend, I still think he needs to talk to someone too. I think he may be on the verge of losing control. That part is very scary.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2013
Posts: 157
When my husband came back after his first speed week long 'holiday' we had a real talk a few nights in from his return. He also told me he wasn't into it bad & didn't need help as he could just stop. Just like that. He'd been on it for around 6wks in total at this stage (well thats what i thought at the time) so i thought this could be possible.
He told me some crazy stories about the people he had been hanging out with, ie. the lies they told for money & the trouble they were getting themselves in to. He said he didn't want anything to do with those people ever again...1.5wks later he was back there...
I wanted to believe him sooooo bad even tho I had red lights flashing.
See how you go this weekend. You'll soon figure out how bad (or not) things are & how much more of this you are able/willing to take. it doesnt sound like you're quite ready to make any big changes just yet. Youve just got to ride the wave for a while longer until it takes you to that point. Just be prepared.
Goodluck, breathe & stay safe
He told me some crazy stories about the people he had been hanging out with, ie. the lies they told for money & the trouble they were getting themselves in to. He said he didn't want anything to do with those people ever again...1.5wks later he was back there...
I wanted to believe him sooooo bad even tho I had red lights flashing.
See how you go this weekend. You'll soon figure out how bad (or not) things are & how much more of this you are able/willing to take. it doesnt sound like you're quite ready to make any big changes just yet. Youve just got to ride the wave for a while longer until it takes you to that point. Just be prepared.
Goodluck, breathe & stay safe
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)