Hello! And Also, HELP!
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2013
Posts: 7
Hello! And Also, HELP!
So last night I tearfully and drunkenly admitted to my partner that I think I'm at the very least a borderline alcoholic. I am not a daily drinker, but when I do drink it's always a toss-up about how's going to go. Very occasionally I can have a couple of drinks and then stop. But usually I have zero control. It actually becomes very stressful for me. Usually the only thing that stops me is that my SO wants to go home, or I realize that I'm drunk and get embarrassed. And then I go home and pass out, because once I become intoxicated, I can't deal with that itch for more alcohol, so I force myself to sleep.
I live in an extremely alcoholic town. Every social activity revolves around drinking. So people are used to seeing eachother drunk. I can be very charming and fun when I drink, so people usually don't realize how bad it is. But it's the guilt the next morning, that I lost control again that really kills me. I beat myself up over it all the time, but then I do it again. Very frustrating.
It's not to the point that I have physical withdrawals. This past week I brought up to my SO that we should go a week without booze for our health. The first three days were pretty easy. And then I started fiending the fourth day. I went out and got very drunk. And that's when I realized that it's time to stop altogether.
I'm not very sure about AA, because I'm not religious, but I know I need a support system. I might talk to my best friend about it, but probably keep it at that. I have no interest in telling my parents, my mother can be a martyr, so the fact that her daughter has a drinking problem would be like Christmas came early.
I'm concerned about my SO's attitude in this. He and I are in a long-term committed relationship, we live together, we have plans for a family, marriage, etc. He keeps trying to minimize the problem, telling me that I'm blowing it out of proportion, and that "We're not in a crisis". I suppose as an example, I keep a bottle of vodka at the house to use for herbal medicinal tinctures. I brought up the fact that I should use all that up ASAP and not buy any more for a while. He told me that he didn't think that was necessary, and got frustrated with me for not believing that I'm stronger than that. But I know for a fact that in a previous relationship I had a similar situation, and I would secret-drink. I think he thinks that this is going to be easy, because I don't have the shakes, or I don't act like one of the more self-destructive drinkers in this town.
Alcoholism runs in my family, my grandparents were both extremely high-functioning alcoholics, so I know how damaging this behavior can be towards children. I want to start a family and I want to be a good parent. I'm not at the point where it's starting to significantly impact my life, but I'm also aware that I can't cut back or regulate my drinking, so it's not going to get any better. I want to stop now before I make it to where I have physical addiction.
Anyways, sorry for the rant. I've just been lying to everyone and myself for so long. I feel so many conflicting feelings right now, the largest one being relief. But I'm also completely lost, and have no idea where to start or what to do. HELP!
I live in an extremely alcoholic town. Every social activity revolves around drinking. So people are used to seeing eachother drunk. I can be very charming and fun when I drink, so people usually don't realize how bad it is. But it's the guilt the next morning, that I lost control again that really kills me. I beat myself up over it all the time, but then I do it again. Very frustrating.
It's not to the point that I have physical withdrawals. This past week I brought up to my SO that we should go a week without booze for our health. The first three days were pretty easy. And then I started fiending the fourth day. I went out and got very drunk. And that's when I realized that it's time to stop altogether.
I'm not very sure about AA, because I'm not religious, but I know I need a support system. I might talk to my best friend about it, but probably keep it at that. I have no interest in telling my parents, my mother can be a martyr, so the fact that her daughter has a drinking problem would be like Christmas came early.
I'm concerned about my SO's attitude in this. He and I are in a long-term committed relationship, we live together, we have plans for a family, marriage, etc. He keeps trying to minimize the problem, telling me that I'm blowing it out of proportion, and that "We're not in a crisis". I suppose as an example, I keep a bottle of vodka at the house to use for herbal medicinal tinctures. I brought up the fact that I should use all that up ASAP and not buy any more for a while. He told me that he didn't think that was necessary, and got frustrated with me for not believing that I'm stronger than that. But I know for a fact that in a previous relationship I had a similar situation, and I would secret-drink. I think he thinks that this is going to be easy, because I don't have the shakes, or I don't act like one of the more self-destructive drinkers in this town.
Alcoholism runs in my family, my grandparents were both extremely high-functioning alcoholics, so I know how damaging this behavior can be towards children. I want to start a family and I want to be a good parent. I'm not at the point where it's starting to significantly impact my life, but I'm also aware that I can't cut back or regulate my drinking, so it's not going to get any better. I want to stop now before I make it to where I have physical addiction.
Anyways, sorry for the rant. I've just been lying to everyone and myself for so long. I feel so many conflicting feelings right now, the largest one being relief. But I'm also completely lost, and have no idea where to start or what to do. HELP!
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,498
Hi and Welcome,
It's very hard for others to understand alcoholism, so it's best to not worry about what your boyfriend is saying at the moment. You know you have a problem and you know what you need to do, and that's what matters.
I'm glad you found us and that you are seeking support. This is a place to read and learn and hopefully you will be inspired.
It's very hard for others to understand alcoholism, so it's best to not worry about what your boyfriend is saying at the moment. You know you have a problem and you know what you need to do, and that's what matters.
I'm glad you found us and that you are seeking support. This is a place to read and learn and hopefully you will be inspired.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: Ohio
Posts: 3,785
Welcome to SR LGF. There is a lot of support here.
The first step is admitting you have a problem. You mentioned your family but what about you. Do you feel you are an alcoholic?
We have all been were you are at. You can get help if you want it.
There are many recovery options. AA is one of them. AA is not religious. It is a spiritual program. I have had no religion in my background and I never went to church and I go to AA.
The first step is admitting you have a problem. You mentioned your family but what about you. Do you feel you are an alcoholic?
We have all been were you are at. You can get help if you want it.
There are many recovery options. AA is one of them. AA is not religious. It is a spiritual program. I have had no religion in my background and I never went to church and I go to AA.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2013
Posts: 7
I can honestly say that I am an alcoholic, yes. I have no control about the amount that I drink. I want to stop drinking and know that it will be difficult for me to do.
I suppose the main reason that I am so concerned with my SO's attitude is that I feel a lot of guilt about the impact that this will have on his life.
I suppose the main reason that I am so concerned with my SO's attitude is that I feel a lot of guilt about the impact that this will have on his life.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: Ohio
Posts: 3,785
I cannot not say this won't impact your life and his life. It will, but is doing nothing going to impact it worse?
They say, nothing changes, if nothing changes.
Changes are scary but for me they needed to happen. I needed to admit I was an alcoholic and then get help and accept that help.
If he is not an alcoholic then he is not going to understand and that is okay. He will at some point, at the very least, admit that you getting help is okay.
They say, nothing changes, if nothing changes.
Changes are scary but for me they needed to happen. I needed to admit I was an alcoholic and then get help and accept that help.
If he is not an alcoholic then he is not going to understand and that is okay. He will at some point, at the very least, admit that you getting help is okay.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: Midwest, USA
Posts: 1,022
If you continue down the rocky road of alcoholism you may not have to worry about the impact on his life -- he may have left after one too many embarrassing party moments at the office Christmas party, or after that second DUI you get with the kids in the car. And maybe not, maybe it's just fine.. nobody can tell your future.
I can tell you that there are a lot of people on this board who used to drink 2-3 times a week once upon a time who ended up drinking for days at a time, losing significant others and job prospects and wasting away time they should have been spending with family or friends. I am one of them. That talk about "progression" isn't in there to make it scary.
I can tell you that there are a lot of people on this board who used to drink 2-3 times a week once upon a time who ended up drinking for days at a time, losing significant others and job prospects and wasting away time they should have been spending with family or friends. I am one of them. That talk about "progression" isn't in there to make it scary.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: Canada. About as far south as you can get
Posts: 4,768
Originally Posted by Luckygoldfish 
I'm not very sure about AA, because I'm not religious,
Click around on this site Daughters of Narcissistic Mothers and see if you can identify with anything there .....
I came to the point in my alcoholism where I needed all the help I could get... and having God lovingly covering my back was, well, a Godsend.
All the best.
Bob R
bona fido dog-lover
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: SF Bay area, CA
Posts: 99,776
to SR! As Anna said, what your partner thinks isn't important, only what you think of this problem and what you're going to do to solve it. I'd say to get sober for yourself for three months and see how you feel then. But give it at least three months. You can do this and we are here to support you. 
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 51,560
Pleased to meet you Luckygoldfish. I'm glad you found us. 
I always used alcohol to cope and relax. It was so hard to admit that once it was in my system the outcome was unpredictable. I tried using willpower to just have a few, but it never worked. Over time I grew completely dependent on it and drank every day. This won't happen to you, Lucky. You're taking a look at what drinking's doing to your life, and you're being honest about it. Congratulations for wanting to make this big change. We're happy you're here.
I always used alcohol to cope and relax. It was so hard to admit that once it was in my system the outcome was unpredictable. I tried using willpower to just have a few, but it never worked. Over time I grew completely dependent on it and drank every day. This won't happen to you, Lucky. You're taking a look at what drinking's doing to your life, and you're being honest about it. Congratulations for wanting to make this big change. We're happy you're here.
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