Recoverying Alcoholic having a hard night, trying to stay positive
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: Illinois
Posts: 134
Recoverying Alcoholic having a hard night, trying to stay positive
Tonight, I am having a very rough time ... Trying to set my mind on the positive hoping to get my mind off of the negative.
It has been a little over three months since my last drink. Longest time I have been sober in 5 years and tonight I have wondered why I put my body through so much misery and pain? What was I thinking? As I kept thinking and honestly probably over-thinking this is what I came up with. I drank for happiness, joy, relief, friendships, sleep, strength, amusement, fun, relaxation, courage, conversation, top of the world, cover-ups, and to be normal … All that I became was unhappy, miserable, argumentative, outraged, aggressive, afraid, withdraws, doubtful, obnoxious, confused, un-trustworthy, became friendless, alone, unmanageable, respect less, rapid thoughts of suicide, careless, cold-hearted, and usually woke up feeling like h@#$ ONLY to repeat night after night, or hour after hour.
NOW …
I’m sober, spiritually getting on track with God, becoming real, finding myself, enjoying life, realizing life has more to offer, life still has its ups and downs (being ok with not getting things right the first time), not being afraid to tackle my shortcomings, redeemed, smiling, finding that I do still have a heart, and waking up to my alarm and knowing what day it is.
I guess the reason for this post is that, I’m truly realizing how blessed I really am to be alive.
It has been a little over three months since my last drink. Longest time I have been sober in 5 years and tonight I have wondered why I put my body through so much misery and pain? What was I thinking? As I kept thinking and honestly probably over-thinking this is what I came up with. I drank for happiness, joy, relief, friendships, sleep, strength, amusement, fun, relaxation, courage, conversation, top of the world, cover-ups, and to be normal … All that I became was unhappy, miserable, argumentative, outraged, aggressive, afraid, withdraws, doubtful, obnoxious, confused, un-trustworthy, became friendless, alone, unmanageable, respect less, rapid thoughts of suicide, careless, cold-hearted, and usually woke up feeling like h@#$ ONLY to repeat night after night, or hour after hour.
NOW …
I’m sober, spiritually getting on track with God, becoming real, finding myself, enjoying life, realizing life has more to offer, life still has its ups and downs (being ok with not getting things right the first time), not being afraid to tackle my shortcomings, redeemed, smiling, finding that I do still have a heart, and waking up to my alarm and knowing what day it is.
I guess the reason for this post is that, I’m truly realizing how blessed I really am to be alive.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2013
Posts: 443
EndStage, congratulations on 3+ months. Your words made me think of a great post by deeker, which I am pasting below:
We drank for happiness and became unhappy.
We drank for joy and became miserable.
We drank for sociability and became argumentative.
We drank for sophistication and became obnoxious.
We drank for friendship and made enemies.
We drank for sleep and awakened without rest.
We drank medicinally and acquired health problems.
We drank for relaxation and got the shakes.
We drank for bravery and became afraid.
We drank for confidence and became doubtful.
We drank to make our conversation easier and we slurred our speech.
We drank to feel heavenly and ended up feeling like hell.
We drank to forget and were forever haunted.
We drank for freedom and became slaves.
We drank to erase problems and saw them multiply.
We drank to cope with life and invited death.
We drank for happiness and became unhappy.
We drank for joy and became miserable.
We drank for sociability and became argumentative.
We drank for sophistication and became obnoxious.
We drank for friendship and made enemies.
We drank for sleep and awakened without rest.
We drank medicinally and acquired health problems.
We drank for relaxation and got the shakes.
We drank for bravery and became afraid.
We drank for confidence and became doubtful.
We drank to make our conversation easier and we slurred our speech.
We drank to feel heavenly and ended up feeling like hell.
We drank to forget and were forever haunted.
We drank for freedom and became slaves.
We drank to erase problems and saw them multiply.
We drank to cope with life and invited death.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,368
I'm sorry for your rough night but I'm really glad you made the right choice in staying sober EndStage...
I hope that in the weeks and months to come you'll be able to make your peace with your past - after all, it bought you to where you are now, and that's no bad place to be.
I hope tomorrow is a better day for you
D
I hope that in the weeks and months to come you'll be able to make your peace with your past - after all, it bought you to where you are now, and that's no bad place to be.
I hope tomorrow is a better day for you
D
Member
Join Date: Apr 2011
Location: San Diego, CA
Posts: 438
Congrats on your 3 months! It is easy to look back on the past & be sad for what we have done, but it sounds like you are doing the right thing by writing out what you are thankful for now thanks for the inspiration
thanks for the inspiration
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