How to deal with a family that loves drinking
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: Indiana
Posts: 18
How to deal with a family that loves drinking
Does anyone have any advice on not drinking around a huge family that loves to drink? I am traveling out of town to see family this weekend. People are coming from all over the country so I do not feel like I can not attend.
I have already told my mom that I do not wish to drink and have asked her to remind me of that. She said ok but she also doesn't think I am an alcoholic. I also plan to tell people I am having stomach issues and can't drink-that way no one will try to pressure me further.
Any other suggestions?
I have already told my mom that I do not wish to drink and have asked her to remind me of that. She said ok but she also doesn't think I am an alcoholic. I also plan to tell people I am having stomach issues and can't drink-that way no one will try to pressure me further.
Any other suggestions?
Run to live... live to run
Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: Western Maryland
Posts: 1,091
Be honest?
It doesn't matter if anyone else "thinks" you don't have a problem with alcohol. It's your life. I would go and have a good time without alcohol in your cup. If anyone brings it up, tell them the truth! That you want to eliminate alcohol from your life. They shouldn't require any explanation. It really comes down to you and how serious you are. Don't drink. It's more simple than it sounds. You control your body. Just don't pick up the booze. You are the only one that has to deal with the outcome of the drinking.
It doesn't matter if anyone else "thinks" you don't have a problem with alcohol. It's your life. I would go and have a good time without alcohol in your cup. If anyone brings it up, tell them the truth! That you want to eliminate alcohol from your life. They shouldn't require any explanation. It really comes down to you and how serious you are. Don't drink. It's more simple than it sounds. You control your body. Just don't pick up the booze. You are the only one that has to deal with the outcome of the drinking.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2013
Posts: 729
Sorry! I wish i could give advice on this but i haven't worked out how to get around this same problem myself yet. At present i am just staying away. I wish you the best of luck and look forward to reading your advice after the weekend. Stay strong 
Member
Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: Washington, DC
Posts: 987
Hi HappyT4, I am also from a family of big drinkers and have dreaded the moment of having to get together with them again. I love my family but some also think I am overreacting about being an alcoholic. What I have learned from a previous attempt to stay sober is that I cannot be around them and probably not for a good, long while. No matter how much explaining you do, unless you are dealing with another recovering alcoholic or someone with a pretty deep level of understanding of addiction, it is going to be hard for others to "get."
For me, to stay sober, I have to be selfish. I have to make the decision that either I put myself in situations where I *might* be tempted to drink and rely on willpower---or just stay the heck out of there until I am totally solid in my recovery. I don't know how far along in your recovery you are but early on (maybe under a year but others here will know better) is risky---especially if you can't escape. All you can do is explain the situation to your family as honestly and lovingly as possible but your priority has to be you and your sobriety. If you feel like someone is going to pressure you---stay the heck out of there unless you're very solid.
I know that's harsh but that is the only way I have had success staying sober thus far after a miserable attempt trying to please others and not make anyone "uncomfortable" the first go.
I wish you luck in whatever you do and, if you do go, make sure you have a strong support network available and check in here with us when you can!!
For me, to stay sober, I have to be selfish. I have to make the decision that either I put myself in situations where I *might* be tempted to drink and rely on willpower---or just stay the heck out of there until I am totally solid in my recovery. I don't know how far along in your recovery you are but early on (maybe under a year but others here will know better) is risky---especially if you can't escape. All you can do is explain the situation to your family as honestly and lovingly as possible but your priority has to be you and your sobriety. If you feel like someone is going to pressure you---stay the heck out of there unless you're very solid.
I know that's harsh but that is the only way I have had success staying sober thus far after a miserable attempt trying to please others and not make anyone "uncomfortable" the first go.
I wish you luck in whatever you do and, if you do go, make sure you have a strong support network available and check in here with us when you can!!
Member
Join Date: Apr 2011
Location: San Diego, CA
Posts: 438
Family situations can be tough! My husband and I take separate cars when we go to a family event so that way I can bail out early if I start to feel uncomfortable. There have been times that I have left early & went to a meeting.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: Midwest
Posts: 8,334
It you go, think about arriving late and leaving early. Plan what you'll drink ahead of time. If you feel weak, find a private room / car, and come to SR ( mobile app) for support
Think how great you'll feel come Monday morning!
Think how great you'll feel come Monday morning!
Member
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: mountains of BC, Canada
Posts: 246
Hi Happy T4 - I don't have advice per se but I can relate. Today is Day 2 for me (would have been Day 5 if my husband and I hadn't had a little glass of sherry together the other night). We have a large family reunion for my husbands family coming up in August and I am already trying to figure out how to cope. I haven't met much of his family(together 14 years) and this is a TYPICAL scenario where I would plan to stay comfortable numb and buzzed for the entire long weekend.
I like the suggestion of a vehicle available to get you out of there
Looking up meeting time/locations close to the event is also great advice
I have come up with a special occasion beverage - not to trick myself into thinking or pretending I am drinking but because I find my cravings are more manageable if I have a really enjoyable healthy drink keeping me full. Carbonated Water with slices of lemon, lime, diced watermelon and apricots is my favourite at the moment. I throw in a good splash of ginger ale if I want more sweet. It helps me.
I wish you all the best. Stay strong and think about how you will feel the morning after waking up clear and proud and relieved instead of full of remorse, anger, frustration and possibly embarrassment.
You can do this!!! Gather support and some coping tools and look at it as a challenge!
All the best.
I like the suggestion of a vehicle available to get you out of there
Looking up meeting time/locations close to the event is also great advice
I have come up with a special occasion beverage - not to trick myself into thinking or pretending I am drinking but because I find my cravings are more manageable if I have a really enjoyable healthy drink keeping me full. Carbonated Water with slices of lemon, lime, diced watermelon and apricots is my favourite at the moment. I throw in a good splash of ginger ale if I want more sweet. It helps me.
I wish you all the best. Stay strong and think about how you will feel the morning after waking up clear and proud and relieved instead of full of remorse, anger, frustration and possibly embarrassment.
You can do this!!! Gather support and some coping tools and look at it as a challenge!
All the best.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: Baton Rouge, La.
Posts: 15,234
Acceptance of people, places and things
just the way they are is one of many
important steps taken in recovery to
help stay sober each day.
I had to be taught and had to learn that
first of all I have no right to take family
members inventory and that I can't change
them to my own liking or benefit in order
to help me stay sober.
The only thing im responsible for is my own
recovery, living and incoperating the tools
and knowledge of a recovery program to
guide me, strengthen me along my journey
in life.
There was no way I could make my family
members understand my alcoholism whether
they were problem drinkers or not. I know,
cause I tried so often till I was blue in the face,
frustrated, aggravated, resentful till I had to
let them go and place them in the Hands of
a Power greater than I for safe keeping.
My recovery is mine. Not my families or
anyone else. I am the soul owner of my
addiction and I am responsible for my own
actions, consequences etc.
Today and for the past 22 yrs. I have clawed,
scratched, cried, screamed, till enough was
enough and was sick and tired to making others
understand that I am who I am and I know
without a doubt, that I am an alcoholic who
has no control over drinking it.
It takes and alcoholic to know one and it
takes and alcoholic who lives a recovery
program to understand one.
Because I was and am the only one in my
family who is living a recovery program no
one else understands because they don't have
the knowledge of addiction and how it affects
those with it and others around them.
Communication and understanding is important
to me in my own recovery and since I didn't get
that in my family, we suffered dysfunction and
thus went separate way.
Living a life in recovery has made me healthier,
happier, honest and to subject myself to family
who is still sick, would only infect me, and for me
and my recovery, sobriety and todays life means
more to me than l could ever imagine. Even if
it doesn't include my family of orgin.
My family today is the fellowship within recovery
that understand me with no questions asked.
I am Understood..!
just the way they are is one of many
important steps taken in recovery to
help stay sober each day.
I had to be taught and had to learn that
first of all I have no right to take family
members inventory and that I can't change
them to my own liking or benefit in order
to help me stay sober.
The only thing im responsible for is my own
recovery, living and incoperating the tools
and knowledge of a recovery program to
guide me, strengthen me along my journey
in life.
There was no way I could make my family
members understand my alcoholism whether
they were problem drinkers or not. I know,
cause I tried so often till I was blue in the face,
frustrated, aggravated, resentful till I had to
let them go and place them in the Hands of
a Power greater than I for safe keeping.
My recovery is mine. Not my families or
anyone else. I am the soul owner of my
addiction and I am responsible for my own
actions, consequences etc.
Today and for the past 22 yrs. I have clawed,
scratched, cried, screamed, till enough was
enough and was sick and tired to making others
understand that I am who I am and I know
without a doubt, that I am an alcoholic who
has no control over drinking it.
It takes and alcoholic to know one and it
takes and alcoholic who lives a recovery
program to understand one.
Because I was and am the only one in my
family who is living a recovery program no
one else understands because they don't have
the knowledge of addiction and how it affects
those with it and others around them.
Communication and understanding is important
to me in my own recovery and since I didn't get
that in my family, we suffered dysfunction and
thus went separate way.
Living a life in recovery has made me healthier,
happier, honest and to subject myself to family
who is still sick, would only infect me, and for me
and my recovery, sobriety and todays life means
more to me than l could ever imagine. Even if
it doesn't include my family of orgin.
My family today is the fellowship within recovery
that understand me with no questions asked.
I am Understood..!
Member
Join Date: Apr 2011
Location: San Diego, CA
Posts: 438
Originally Posted by trailrunrbyday 
Carbonated Water with slices of lemon, lime, diced watermelon and apricots is my favourite at the moment. I throw in a good splash of ginger ale if I want more sweet. It helps me.
.
.
great for those hot days if you are craving something bubbly & refreshing!
Member
Join Date: Apr 2013
Posts: 729
Originally Posted by aasharon90
Acceptance of people, places and things
just the way they are is one of many
important steps taken in recovery to
help stay sober each day.
I had to be taught and had to learn that
first of all I have no right to take family
members inventory and that I can't change
them to my own liking or benefit in order
to help me stay sober.
The only thing im responsible for is my own
recovery, living and incoperating the tools
and knowledge of a recovery program to
guide me, strengthen me along my journey
in life.
There was no way I could make my family
members understand my alcoholism whether
they were problem drinkers or not. I know,
cause I tried so often till I was blue in the face,
frustrated, aggravated, resentful till I had to
let them go and place them in the Hands of
a Power greater than I for safe keeping.
My recovery is mine. Not my families or
anyone else. I am the soul owner of my
addiction and I am responsible for my own
actions, consequences etc.
Today and for the past 22 yrs. I have clawed,
scratched, cried, screamed, till enough was
enough and was sick and tired to making others
understand that I am who I am and I know
without a doubt, that I am an alcoholic who
has no control over drinking it.
It takes and alcoholic to know one and it
takes and alcoholic who lives a recovery
program to understand one.
Because I was and am the only one in my
family who is living a recovery program no
one else understands because they don't have
the knowledge of addiction and how it affects
those with it and others around them.
Communication and understanding is important
to me in my own recovery and since I didn't get
that in my family, we suffered dysfunction and
thus went separate way.
Living a life in recovery has made me healthier,
happier, honest and to subject myself to family
who is still sick, would only infect me, and for me
and my recovery, sobriety and todays life means
more to me than l could ever imagine. Even if
it doesn't include my family of orgin.
My family today is the fellowship within recovery
that understand me with no questions asked.
I am Understood..!
just the way they are is one of many
important steps taken in recovery to
help stay sober each day.
I had to be taught and had to learn that
first of all I have no right to take family
members inventory and that I can't change
them to my own liking or benefit in order
to help me stay sober.
The only thing im responsible for is my own
recovery, living and incoperating the tools
and knowledge of a recovery program to
guide me, strengthen me along my journey
in life.
There was no way I could make my family
members understand my alcoholism whether
they were problem drinkers or not. I know,
cause I tried so often till I was blue in the face,
frustrated, aggravated, resentful till I had to
let them go and place them in the Hands of
a Power greater than I for safe keeping.
My recovery is mine. Not my families or
anyone else. I am the soul owner of my
addiction and I am responsible for my own
actions, consequences etc.
Today and for the past 22 yrs. I have clawed,
scratched, cried, screamed, till enough was
enough and was sick and tired to making others
understand that I am who I am and I know
without a doubt, that I am an alcoholic who
has no control over drinking it.
It takes and alcoholic to know one and it
takes and alcoholic who lives a recovery
program to understand one.
Because I was and am the only one in my
family who is living a recovery program no
one else understands because they don't have
the knowledge of addiction and how it affects
those with it and others around them.
Communication and understanding is important
to me in my own recovery and since I didn't get
that in my family, we suffered dysfunction and
thus went separate way.
Living a life in recovery has made me healthier,
happier, honest and to subject myself to family
who is still sick, would only infect me, and for me
and my recovery, sobriety and todays life means
more to me than l could ever imagine. Even if
it doesn't include my family of orgin.
My family today is the fellowship within recovery
that understand me with no questions asked.
I am Understood..!
I know we all want our cake and eat it too I hope i can keep my family as well as sobriety.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: UK
Posts: 5,678
My family are big drinkers and have proved to be quite inconsiderate about my sobriety. I think they think I am over reacting but I have enough faith in what I am doing now to dismiss that. I think for the most part they believe me but they continually talk about how little they drank on certain occasions, y'know, the 'I hardly drink much these days' conversations which we probably all did when we were trying to kid ourselves. This probably sounds terribly immature but if they cast doubt on my drinking problem I throw in the odd 'serious consequence' story. Stuff about my nerve damage, or my crippling anxiety. And I also occasionally say how things have improved since quitting... But I try not to act self righteous about it, and the number one golden rule... never interfere, criticise their drinking, ever. They won't thank you for it and thinking back I never really cared for that type of criticism myself. What you can do is get out of their post haste as soon as it gets too much. Anticipate it as much as possible and don't let yourself get in a situation where they are drunk and you're feeling defensive.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: UK
Posts: 140
Hey HappyT,
I know it sounds daft, but I think you're spot on with the stomach issues thing for now. I usually go in for a fight head-first, but if you're newly sober (I'm guessing you are?) you have enough to deal with without adding complicated conversations to the mix.
At the start, I found that telling people I was on antibiotics was really useful. For one, it takes away the temptation to drink - people will care much more if you're drinking on meds than if they see you slip off some crazy alcoholic phase. And for two, people expect you to be a bit weird/withdrawn because you're clearly sick.
Okay, it's a white lie. But like Hypo, I've had to convince my family I have a problem and it's humiliating. You can sort things out honestly later; for now, do what works for you.
Oh, and if you have a phone that you can Internet on, have SR with you at the party - knowing that you can log on during difficult moments is amazingly helpful
xx
I know it sounds daft, but I think you're spot on with the stomach issues thing for now. I usually go in for a fight head-first, but if you're newly sober (I'm guessing you are?) you have enough to deal with without adding complicated conversations to the mix.
At the start, I found that telling people I was on antibiotics was really useful. For one, it takes away the temptation to drink - people will care much more if you're drinking on meds than if they see you slip off some crazy alcoholic phase. And for two, people expect you to be a bit weird/withdrawn because you're clearly sick.
Okay, it's a white lie. But like Hypo, I've had to convince my family I have a problem and it's humiliating. You can sort things out honestly later; for now, do what works for you.
Oh, and if you have a phone that you can Internet on, have SR with you at the party - knowing that you can log on during difficult moments is amazingly helpful
xx
Keeping it simple!
Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: Surrey, BC
Posts: 3,282
I give people a lot of credit who can go to these functions. I couldn't do it in the beginning and I don't really know if I would want to do it now.
My brother has fabulous parties. They buy the booze and the food. However, I just won't go anymore. Maybe I am just not ready to be in that kind of atmosphere. I'm honestly in no hurry to put myself in it anyways.
My brother has fabulous parties. They buy the booze and the food. However, I just won't go anymore. Maybe I am just not ready to be in that kind of atmosphere. I'm honestly in no hurry to put myself in it anyways.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: South East England
Posts: 8,008
Hi. I also have a family rife with alcoholism. I stayed away for a while completely. It wasn't just that I might be tempted to drink by having it so freely available, it was also the fact that the dynamics used to stress me out, and the stress used to make me run for the bottle to block it out.
I've never tried to talk to my family about my drinking. They know I don't drink but think its for medical reasons. This is partly true anyway as I have damaged my oesophagus by abusing alcohol. They would never understand any other reason and it isn't something I want to discuss with them.
Huxley's suggestion of keeping your phone in your pocket is a good one. I've done that on many an occasion. Logging in to gain support has saved me more than once in a tricky situation x
I've never tried to talk to my family about my drinking. They know I don't drink but think its for medical reasons. This is partly true anyway as I have damaged my oesophagus by abusing alcohol. They would never understand any other reason and it isn't something I want to discuss with them.
Huxley's suggestion of keeping your phone in your pocket is a good one. I've done that on many an occasion. Logging in to gain support has saved me more than once in a tricky situation x
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