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Newbie saying Hello!

Old 06-25-2013, 04:01 PM
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Red face Newbie saying Hello!

Hi all,

First and foremost I must come clean and say that even though this is my first actual post, I've been reading Sober Recovery for at least six months now. I'm not a daily reader yet, but definitely enjoy all the support and attention this community gives to its members. This really is an amazing place. Great job!

If you don't mind, I have a couple of questions that I would like to ask, but for context purposes, I'll give you a bit of background on me. Being my first post, I'm sure this will end up being rather long so I understand if you don't read through it all, it's just easier on me to get this out.

So, no surprise here, but I'm an alcoholic. Sweet life…

I'm a 30 year old male, 6ft, 185lb, who started drinking heavily and regularly since I was 23. I would have periods where I would dry out for a week or two, but eventually I was right back to it. The past two years, for me, has been at its worst. To give a little more detail of patterns and habits, I drink vodka, only vodka. At this point I average about a pint or slightly more in an evening. Vodka, splash of diet tonic, two cubes. I'll have about 4-5 doubles throughout the course of 3-4 hours. I usually start my drinking around 7:30 and head to bed around midnight. It's literally a ritual and I never drink during the day. Because of this ritual like pattern I have, I also set rules for myself, such as I need to eat something while I drink and I make sure to drink a glass of water before I head to bed. I know this all sounds like "controlled drinking", but it's still chaos for me.

Bring on the Chaos…

This time last year, I had a massive panic attack at work and went to the hospital to get some tests run and checked out that same night. For the next 3 days (still drinking at night), I was an utter wreck. I'm not sure if you've had your first panic attack, but you actually feel like you're having a heart attack and dying. In the short term, I think it took me almost a week to fully recover mentally from that attack. I talked to my doctor about options for quitting a year before this attack actually happened and he gave me some options while also putting me on Naltrexone. One of them was to check myself into a rehab program for 4 days and simply "dry out". Fast forward to the week of the panic attack and did just that. 4 days in rehab. They gave me Ativan for withdrawal symptoms, vitamins and blood pressure meds. 4 days later, I was out and clean and it was actually a really pain free 4 days. Pretty easy. I managed to go 30 days without a drink and of course felt better everyday. So I gave it a shot, "lets see if I can be just like everyone else and drink moderately". Nope. Within a week I was back to at least a pint a night.

The past year and today…

I'm 100% convinced that panic attack, in combination with getting back on the bottle has brought into my life that dreaded word called Anxiety. In 30 years I've never been diagnosed with depression, anxiety etc. And now, at 30, anxiety is a big part of my life. I saw a specialist about the anxiety about 3 months ago, but he wouldn't prescribe me with anything because of my alcohol dependance. He said he can't be sure if I do have an anxiety disorder or if it's because of the alcohol - he thinks the latter. He sent me to another specialist who prescribed me about 20 pills of Ativan, 1mg. The plan is, to simply take three pills a day, for three days to help with the withdrawal I'll be having.

If you're still reading, thank you, and onto the questions…

1. To be clear, I don't actually get anxiety attacks (heart racing, sweating), but rather I have "floating anxiety". It's the lump in your throat, restlessness, moving around in my chair a lot (office job), and lack of concentration. It actually keeps me from getting work done and sometimes for hours at a time. Also, to be clear, I only get anxiety when I'M NOT drinking and sometimes it can last all day. Has anyone else had this type of experience when sober for 12-18 hours? Are we all in agreement that alcohol plays a large part of my new found anxiety? Why didn't I have this before. It was like once I turned 30, boom, anxiety all day.

2. The "dry out" plan is to take three Ativan for three days to get through the worst of it. My doctor said it was fine, even though he knows I'm drinking 10-12 drinks throughout the night. I trust my docs, but is that safe? Drinking at least a pint of vodka for a year and just…stopping? Shouldn't I wean off first?

If you've made it through this, I appreciate it and any feedback you might have. And again, this community is really great stuff!
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Old 06-25-2013, 04:10 PM
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to SR! I'd talk to your doctor again about your concerns regarding w/d. Is it possible to go to a detox facility again for a supervised detox?



I'm glad you joined our community.
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Old 06-25-2013, 04:11 PM
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Welcome to SR. I'm about your age and I think that drinking had a lot to do with my anxiety. I have been sober about 70 days and feel pretty good about things. I'm still a worry wart and have to talk myself out of being anxious sometimes but I don't feel those uncontrollable feelings like all jittery and racing thoughts etc. I think alcohol just wrecks our nervous systems.

As long as you have been up front with your doctor then I would listen to him. It sounds like you have a pretty good plan going. Have you thought about ways to fill the time when you would normally be drinking? Its good to have a plan and keep busy with healthy alternatives.

This is a great forum with a lot of great peeps on board. It is totally worth fighting the battle to quit abusing alcohol. I have no regrets quitting, I've only had a couple rough days through out my 2 months sober, the majority have been pretty dang good! Life is still life though, $hit still happens, I just deal with it sober now.
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Old 06-25-2013, 05:04 PM
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Hi Stevienova,
This is my first day on this site. I am 30 days sober and 30 years old. Never in my life have I had anxiety until I quit drinking. I think it has been the cause of my anxiety as well. I have never taken any type of prescribed pills (accept after surgeries) and that scares the hell out of me, like I will just become dependent on something else.
Please keep us posted on how things go with your anxiety, the medication, whether it decreases... I'd love to hear about it.
Thinking of you and best of luck.
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Old 06-25-2013, 06:15 PM
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Welcome to SR!

Drinking a pint or more a day of vodka makes me shudder. My alcoholism progressed rapidly when vodka became part of the ritual. Prior to that, it was mostly beer.

Alcoholism is progressive. A pint of vodka every night at 30 will likely lead to a fifth a day by 35 (or sooner) with your drinking starting earlier so you can get your daily bottle in. Then the hangovers become tougher so a nip in the morning to steady yourself starts to sound like a good idea.
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Old 06-25-2013, 06:24 PM
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Welcome stevie! It's great to have you join us.

I know alcohol caused my anxiety - both when it was in my system, and when it wasn't. I 'needed' it because I was dependent on it & that caused terrible anxiety. Once I got some sober time behind me it stopped almost completely.

I'm so glad that at 30 you recognize the damage alcohol is doing to you. I went on an additional 20 years and almost lost my life trying to be a social drinker. This will never happen to you.
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Old 06-25-2013, 06:34 PM
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Welcome Stevie,
Thought I was having a stroke in my car from massive panic attack. Stopped drinking over a year ago --anxiety gone-- you are drinking so much you are going thru severe withdrawals during time you aren't drinking, hence the panic attacks. Stop drinking and you will have a lot of work to do at first but I guarantee life will be so much better.
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Old 06-25-2013, 06:48 PM
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Welcome.

I found that I began to suffer from anxiety and borderline panic attacks (my mother used to suffer from them so I know what a real one is like) in my early 30s. Even just being newly sober I now see how it's all tied into drinking. All of it.

Best of luck getting sober.

Stay here and keep posting.
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Old 06-25-2013, 06:53 PM
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My panic attacks and anxiety were so bad that I ended up in the E.R. no less than 7 times, and called an ambulance to my home twice. I had panic attacks when I was AND when I wasn't drinking....You are so correct, stevie....l I felt like I was dying....all of it was caused by my drinking .

I pretty much ditto CLR's post. Stop drinking and you'll stop the anxiety. (P.s....highly recommend the E.R. great group of people there).
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Old 06-25-2013, 07:52 PM
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Hi stevie, sometimes the anxiety is native and sometimes its is brought on by alcohol abuse or both! Alcohol is a powerful neuro-toxin and it's effects are cumulative. Keep close to your doc during your recovery and see how those symptoms do. If they persist, then there are many effective treatment options for anxiety. My symptoms are native and were greatly enhanced by alcohol abuse. They are now very manageable with the help of medication and counseling. I hope you find relief soon and please stay close to us at SR.
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