wehav2day

Hi,

I've been trying to go to bed for a while now and certainly shouldn't still be up but this has been troubling me...

I've been on SR for quite a while now posting and reading with regards to my alcoholism, and have found SR to be such an enormous source of help and support! I've also made so many friends here I value this site very much.

I've never posted about something also very close to my heart, because I can't seem to find the most appropriate thread. Now I just hope it's okay to post on the newcomer's thread.

My partner's housemate and our very good friend for many years is a compulsive overeater. She has been so kind to me and understanding as I deal with my alcoholism. For a very long time I've felt it is not my place to "throw stones" at her addiction. She has in fact called her eating an addiction. While I have no inclination to judge her in any way, I am truly afraid for her. She starts diets and usually drops them within the week. She says she wants to exercise with us but often finds an excuse to stay home and stay sedentary. There is a bowflex machine from one attempt, and a new bike from this year that isn't being ridden. My partner said that our friend asked her the other day if (my partner) feels it's possible for her to change. my partner came to me and said she couldn't answer, because of how often this has all failed.

That's what's made me write. i'm so worried that our friend will give up, stay morbidly obese and eat herself to death. I understand what addiction looks like and see that she is on the same path i'm on. feed the addiction, everything gets worse.

There are so many parallels between her struggle and my own. I wish so much I could give her what strength I've somehow gained, but I can't seem to help her. I know i'm babbling, because I don't know what to do. if there are any overeaters who are willing to share insight i'd like to hear what you have to say. I apologize in advance if this post is deemed inappropriate for SR, but in my little head there is a definite link in these addictions.

take care, wehav2day

Nighthawk8820

Oh I know what you mean. I had a friend who was HUGE and always was eating (and horrible, fatty foods too). She never seemed to be able to change or stick to any of the diets she tried. It became clear that food is just as much an addiction as anything else. She also smoked 2 packs of ciggs a day at a whopping 360lbs. I tried to help her, but it never worked. She had the deck stacked against her as far as life circumstances go, but I really did and still do at time worry for her. Shes a great person, but with her weight being what it is, I dont see her not getting serious health issues in the near future. We had to part ways when I got sober because she wasn't supportive.

You could find empty fast food bags and cartons in her backseat, much like you could find empty bottles under my bed. The parallels between the two addictions are pretty shocking. I dont think people understand obesity and overeating are big addictions too. The worst thing is, their addiction is visible to everyone because of their size. It cant be easy.

wiscsober

wehav2day to SR

as a newcomer I think this is an appropriate forum for you to post.

If you didn't already there is a very active forum @ Eating Disorders - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information

There is another forumconcerning fitness/nutrition
and also several forums for "Friends and Families of ..."

That is decent of you to want to help your friend...Peace.

GreenEggsAndHam

This is my sister. I gave up "helping" many, many years ago. You can support, but they have to do it themselves. She has been in therapy for a few years, but her size is the same or bigger. Not sure what they are doing in there, but it's her business I suppose. I do know that even after the years in therapy, her problems are still everyone else's fault.

It is sad, but I'm no better than her. I had food addiction as well, and also alcohol addiction. I work on me and let her work on her.

least

to SR!

wehav2day

thanks for the advice. I did look around the other non-alcoholic forums, just couldn't quite find an answer. guess there isn't one. I can't make her better any more than she could have made me better. I just want to be the right amount of encouraging and supportive without being pushy or on the other side, enabling. make sense? :-)

thank you.

SnowedUnder

CoE/BED is very much an addiction.
Before my other problems, I was a compulsive overeater and still am even though I've lost the weight. There are all kinds of hormones/chemicals released by overeating and these can make you high or numb you out. It's no different to abusing any other substance.
It's really hard to tackle too, you can't quit eating so it's like an alcoholic trying to "drink in moderation". I only "got over it" by displacing it with other addictions, I wish I had some advice. Chances are she does want to overcome it but has lost hope/motivation and people are very judgemental - thinking of it more as "greed" than an addiction.

Anna

I definitely agree with you that compulsive overeating is an addiction, just like alcoholism. I have someone close to me whose entire lifestyle is effected by his weight. There are places he can't go, vacations he can't take, things he can't do with his children. Like you, I am deeply sad, but full of empathy.

I hope that your friend will choose to change.

wehav2day

thank you. yes, it has an effect on life. we try to walk, she often takes shortcuts. she won't go up the stairs in the house. she has a kayak, a tandem that she can sit in, and promised to go out with us this spring. the farthest we got was putting the rack back on the car. I cook healthy meals when I cook. I portion them out for all of us, per her request. there's always a reason why she's hungrier than us and it usually involves "I've hardly eaten today." sometimes I feel selfish, because being active is so key in my recovery, I want her to join in.

thanks for letting me get this off my chest. maybe if I let it out a little, i'll realize something that can help.

Nighthawk8820

In some ways, I think food addiction is worse than all the other addictions, because in recovery we learn to distance ourselves from the addictive substance, especially in those first few months. With food, you have to eat to live, so you cant distance yourself from it. Its like being between a rock and a hard place. Its asking them to moderate their food intake, but could we moderate our alcohol or drug use? I couldnt, which is why I quit. You cant quit food.