Brokentapestry

Oh man. Is there a sticky somewhere with 'what to expect when you are divorcing your alcoholic husband'? Because, that sounds pretty useful to me. I've made my decision. I'm meeting the lawyer tomorrow. I know that it is the right thing for myself and my 5yo daughter. However, my emotions are all over the map! I've been excited...calm...happy...numb...and today? Just so very sad.

Any more experienced voices want to chime in and give me a hint of what's to come?

dandylion

Brokentapestry, I know this is a big step for you and it is very natural for your emotions to be all over the place--even including the sadness. They are likely to fluctuate from hour to hour or day to day.

We are here and will walk with you. Take it a day at a time and know that you have within you what it takes to navigate this.

dandylion

wicked

I hear you brokentapestry. It is time to end it.
Yes, you will be all over the place, and I found it best to keep my children's best interest uppermost in my mind.
This helped me to remember my feelings are just that, momentary flashes of regret.
You have a five year old to care for, and bless you for making the decision to improve both of your lives.
It is tough and it will be so sad sometimes, but your daughter, she is there with you.
We are all here for you too!


Beth

lillamy

Hugs. It's hard. You'd think it would be easier.

I've been divorced for three years. I've watched AXH disintegrate from a distance. It makes me relieved that I'm at a distance when his life became a never-ending parade of cops and courts and convictions, but it's heartbreaking nevertheless.

What to expect?

1) Your feelings to be all over the map. I set my goal and refused to budge no matter what my feelings were doing. Make sure you have good support both legally and emotionally.

2) Him to be Difficult. Delay, change his mind, argue over silly things, not show up for hearings, etc. Again, eyes on the prize and don't let it shake you.

3) It to take time. My divorce happened at lightning speed according to my lawyer and I still felt like it went on for eons. Stay busy.

4) it to be confusing to your child. Get a counselor ASAP if you haven't already - it's too much for you to deal with on your own.

5) guilt. Expect guilt. Ignore guilt. You know you're housing what you've determined is best for you and your child. Remind yourself that your stbx is NOT a child and you're not responsible for him

That's just what I can come up with off the top of my head.

BodkinVanHorn

Hi. Hugs! Good job doing whats best for you and your child!

TakingCharge999

((Hugs))

I did not marry an XABF but we kind of had "plans", we lived together, I moved to another state to be with him... so although its not the same, I wanted to say that I broke up with him in 2008 and went no contact.

Today, June 2013, I hear he is drinking even more than before.
These are years of life that I would have spent "waiting for a miracle".

One day you will look back- you will see how brave you were, what a great form of self love and appreciation it was to remove yourself from people who are set in participating in their own destruction, incapable of seeing how they are affecting others.

SicknTired8

I don't have any advice, seeing as I have never been married but my thoughts are with you. You made the right decision.

Brokentapestry

Thank you all for your support. I was in a rough place this afternoon. I picked up the kiddo, and went too a friend's house for dinner. Luckily, my HP knew I would need lots of love and hugs today, and so I had plans for the night.

I have been so focused on the should I stay or should I go question, that I didn't realize how much pain would be involved in accepting that it is really over.

For the little one, I rushed her to counseling back in December when the AH relapsed. She had never seen him drink before then, and for him to send up in the hospital for weeks at a time was scary and confusing for her. She's doing pretty great considering everything.

Thanks again!!