strange encounter...
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Scotland
Posts: 72
strange encounter...
hi guys,
a bit of a vent coming, but if anyone is going to understand me, its all of you.
here goes.
in true co-dependant style, the relationships i had before meeting my husband were with, shall we say, difficult people.
STBXAH -1 boyfriend was severely depressed and i devoted six months of my life trying to fix it. he kept trying to push me away, and i kept trying to love him better. obviously it didn't work,
STBXAH -2 boyfriend, was, in hindsight, a raging alcoholic.
and he turned up at my office door today.
he had heard myself and STBXAH had split up, and the reason why.. and "wanted to say hi".
we haven't seen each other in several years, in fact last i saw him, he was drunk and trying to kiss me on the street where he lived WITH his girlfriend, who is now his wife.
it sounds like he has lost his job due to his own illness/indiscretions/downright bad, and he is now volunteering at the local citizens advice bureau.
it was just after 2pm, and I am fairly certain he had been drinking.
my dear, sweet boss thought i was being gently harassed at the door by a random drunk (kind of common occurence in our end of the city we work in) and invented an urgent phone call that i had to take to give me an escape, and i took the chance to make my exit.
the rest of the afternoon felt shakey and nauseous. i feel kind of violated that he turned up at my office, out of the blue.
he cheated on me during our time together with his now wife, and i'm not proud to say, he also cheated on her with me in the times immediately after we split up. but these things are never straight forward and i (at least in my head) have forgiven myself for moral failures that are now (or were!) in the past.
he's a bad penny that just turned himself up, and i'm shaken by the whole experience.
however. in the past, i would have been flattered by his attention, and confused by his words. now i see him for what he is, a vampire who may well be looking for a new source of enablement.
I'm going to see my new therapist for our first full session this week. at our recent "taster' meeting, i told him i wanted to talk about past relationships, and how i came to be in the situation with my STBXAH, he described how in the first instance, talking about now, rather than then, might be the most useful way to work - here's the universe making my then back into now, if only it weren't so confusing and upsetting.
as if i didn't have enough on my plate already..
<sigh>
x
a bit of a vent coming, but if anyone is going to understand me, its all of you.
here goes.
in true co-dependant style, the relationships i had before meeting my husband were with, shall we say, difficult people.
STBXAH -1 boyfriend was severely depressed and i devoted six months of my life trying to fix it. he kept trying to push me away, and i kept trying to love him better. obviously it didn't work,
STBXAH -2 boyfriend, was, in hindsight, a raging alcoholic.
and he turned up at my office door today.
he had heard myself and STBXAH had split up, and the reason why.. and "wanted to say hi".
we haven't seen each other in several years, in fact last i saw him, he was drunk and trying to kiss me on the street where he lived WITH his girlfriend, who is now his wife.
it sounds like he has lost his job due to his own illness/indiscretions/downright bad, and he is now volunteering at the local citizens advice bureau.
it was just after 2pm, and I am fairly certain he had been drinking.
my dear, sweet boss thought i was being gently harassed at the door by a random drunk (kind of common occurence in our end of the city we work in) and invented an urgent phone call that i had to take to give me an escape, and i took the chance to make my exit.
the rest of the afternoon felt shakey and nauseous. i feel kind of violated that he turned up at my office, out of the blue.
he cheated on me during our time together with his now wife, and i'm not proud to say, he also cheated on her with me in the times immediately after we split up. but these things are never straight forward and i (at least in my head) have forgiven myself for moral failures that are now (or were!) in the past.
he's a bad penny that just turned himself up, and i'm shaken by the whole experience.
however. in the past, i would have been flattered by his attention, and confused by his words. now i see him for what he is, a vampire who may well be looking for a new source of enablement.
I'm going to see my new therapist for our first full session this week. at our recent "taster' meeting, i told him i wanted to talk about past relationships, and how i came to be in the situation with my STBXAH, he described how in the first instance, talking about now, rather than then, might be the most useful way to work - here's the universe making my then back into now, if only it weren't so confusing and upsetting.
as if i didn't have enough on my plate already..
<sigh>
x
Member
Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: W Washington
Posts: 11,589
man, those blasts from the past can be so unnerving! it's like, oh what, did someone leave the door to the crypt open again?
it sounds like you handled it well and make sure and buy that lovely boss of yours a nice muffin or a Krispy Kreme. that was very nice to ru a diversion like that.
it's no "coincidence" that THIS WEEK you and your therapist are starting to look at past relationships and then one freakin' appears in front of you!!! the Universe is supplying what you need when you need it!
hugs. you're gonna be ok!
it sounds like you handled it well and make sure and buy that lovely boss of yours a nice muffin or a Krispy Kreme. that was very nice to ru a diversion like that.
it's no "coincidence" that THIS WEEK you and your therapist are starting to look at past relationships and then one freakin' appears in front of you!!! the Universe is supplying what you need when you need it!
hugs. you're gonna be ok!
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