Wisern36

My boyfriend is in the very early stages of recovery, less than a month. He was a very heavy drinker for 12 years, drinking a 1/2 gallon of whiskey every 2-3 days. The last drink he had was 17 days ago. At that time he was rushed to the hospital while we were on vacation due to seizures and bleeding on his brain. Prior to all of this happening we had a very good, fulfilling sex life. Almost to the point that we couldn't keep our hands off of each other. Since returning home from vacation our sexual relationship has been null and void. We do still hold hands, hug, exchange small kisses, and spend a lot of time petting each other. All of that is very nice because it is with someone I love, but I'm just worried that things will never be the same between us sexually. I worry that now that he is sober he doesn't find me attractive anymore. I understand that he has gone through a lot in the past couple of weeks and his body and mind both need time to heal, but it is difficult right now and I'm trying to be totally understanding. Part of me wants to sit down and talk to him about it but then again I don't want to hurt his feelings or put more pressure on him when he already had so much to deal with. Not only is he recovering from alcoholism and his recent health scare, but he is also dealing with new medications for seizures and elevated blood pressure. I know that medications can definitely effect libido. I keep telling myself that there is just a lot going on right now and when he is ready then he will let me know, I don't want to push him. Just wondering if anyone else has gone through this. Just feeling kind of alone. FYI we are both 36 years old.

Thanks

Lifewillgetbet

As an alcoholic male around the same age, drank gallons of booze and also having experienced seizures. So I do have some knowledge. I was the same around my G/F upon quitting and after a major medical episode. Some anti-seizure medication does effect certain areas of the male anatomy and libido. It is not you, it is him.
On a positive note it all returns back to normal function. Alcohol does a number on an individuals Central Nervous system. It takes time to restore. For me, I was good after about a month. I was off anti-seizure medication within that month. I had an MRI and the neurologist specifically related my seizures (3) to alcohol withdrawal.
There are many anti-seizure medications that all have different side effects. I was on Dilantin.

Wisern36

Thank you. He is the same way, seizures were caused by alcohol, nothing neurological. He is taking keppra for the seizures. His doctor did cut his dosage in half last week with hopes of taking him off of it during his next visit. With that in mind there is hope. Thanks.

LexieCat

17 days is bupkes (sorry, been reading The Joys of Yiddish again). I don't think you can conclude anything about what your sex life may eventually look like (assuming full recovery) based on what it looks like after 17 days. It may be months before he is back to "normal." I think it's a little early to have a heart-to-heart about it. Trust me, it isn't something that has escaped his attention.

Wisern36

Thank you LexieCat. I know it's something that is going to take some time it's just a little frustrating when it goes from pretty much everyday to absolutely nothing. Don't get me wrong I enjoy the cuddling and getting to know my newly "sober" boyfriend though. Btw 17 days sober for him is a huge deal. After 12 years of drinking the way he did, 1 day sober is a reason to celebrate.

LexieCat

Attagirl. Patience. Hopefully things will continue to progress in a good direction. I've heard many people say their sex lives (along with the rest of their relationship) got much better with sobriety.

Also, it's worth considering that with progressive alcoholism, libido and performance eventually go WAY down. So the fact that he is recovering before that happened also suggests that this, too, shall pass.

dandylion

Dear Wisern, I also second the idea of patience, because it is so very early in the recovery period. His physical condition calls for a lot of healing time.

I have heard it said that: "When your sex life is good, it feels like 10% of the relationship;when it is off, it feel like 90%!!".

Time is on your side with this.

dandylion

Wisern36

Thank you dandylion :-)

Rosiepetal

It is such early days in his sobriety he is probably incapable of feeling much at all.
It is important he put his sobriety first & focus on that for now.
You will need to be patient & understanding but you also need to focus on yourself.
Just take a step back from the relationship for now.
There is no hurry.
I know it's confusing & hard, just try to work on your own recoveries, the relationship can come later.
Hugs.

Crazed

Not sure if this is relevant, but I can tell you my experiences with EXAG. She was incredibly vigorous and uninhibited sexually when under the influence, but it waned off during periods of sobriety. Still a pretty good sex life, but it became more of a "i'm late for work, get it done" event, versus a "lets go for a quick dinner and spend the rest of the night making love" event, if that makes any sense. Over the years we have had many conversations about it. In part she blames anti depressent meds. But the bigger part relates to her negative body image and self confidence. While "numbed out with alcohol" apparently these issues for her go away.

Perhaps the same with your partner? ..... Just a guess.