threadhead

Hi everyone! I posted here years ago and got some really helpful support and feedback.
I have embraced alcohol for years and now its become a terrifying struggle. I'ts turned into a case of total self destruction and, I have probably hit bottom so many times, and so hard I seem to be bouncing off of it.
Anyway I routinely drink with my partner, but he doesn't drink nearly as much as I do. He's noticed that I'm a completely changed person (non functioning) and is very aware of my problem. He's got his own demons which is why I suspect his situation is not as severe as mine.
Anyways he expresses to me that he's fed up with the situation and he really wants the "old me" back.
I try to explain there is a process of detox and its not as easy as turning off a light switch. He doesn't understand that I am chemically phucked rite now from almost a decade of alcohol abuse. He tells me "you are too young to have problems like this".
I guess because he seen many older members of my family pay for this addiction with their life, and he met me when I was in my early teens. I really dunno.
Soon he will be home from work and smell this on me, and I'm afraid he will leave me alone for good. Don't really blame him I wouldn't want to come home to this mess either. I was hiding and drinking when he left this morning and still am
Feeling really ashamed right now about being unable to control myself.
I'm home 24/7 cuz I lost my job showing up drunk.
My social life is typical of a drunk. I have isolated myself and alienated my friends.
The only ones I have left come to my house to drink and if I cut them off I'm all alone plus zero support.
I know you guys are gonna ask if I'm ready to throw in the towel, but I'm truly not but the effects are so devastating that I don't have a choice.
It's not only about a man but I'm still in the very same situation I was when I first picked up a bottle when i was 16, only difference is that my life wasn't and alcohol induced nightmare and I'm no longer in good health (I can almost hear kidneys saying their about to check out).

Sorry this is so depressing folks. Have a good day and gluck!

Nonsensical

Welcome to SR.

You are able to control yourself. You just haven't yet.

You might want to see a doctor for detox. Quitting cold turkey can be dangerous, even fatal in some cases. When your S.O. gets home tell him you want to get clean and you want to start with a doctor's visit so that you can detox safely.

You can do this. For sure you can do this.

least

You must want to do this or you wouldn't be reaching out for support here. I agree with seeing your doctor for help in getting thru detox. After you're detoxed, find a program or a way to stay sober. Some do AA, some other programs, some counseling, some do it with just SR as their support. You can do this!

Anna

You can definitely do this, but you need to REALLY want it, for yourself, not for a man or anyone else. Do this because you care about you. Talking to a dr is always a good idea because detoxing from alcohol can be dangerous.

threadhead

[QUOTE=threadhead;4034251]Hi everyone! I posted here years ago and got some really helpful support and feedback.
I have embraced alcohol for years and now its become a terrifying struggle. I'ts turned into a case of total self destruction and, I have probably hit bottom so many times, and so hard I seem to be bouncing off of it.
Anyway I routinely drink with my partner, but he doesn't drink nearly as much as I do. He's noticed that I'm a completely changed person (non functioning) and is very aware of my problem. He's got his own demons which is why I suspect his situation is not as severe as mine.
Anyways he expresses to me that he's fed up with the situation and he really wants the "old me" back.
I try to explain there is a process of detox and its not as easy as turning off a light switch. He doesn't understand that I am chemically phucked rite now from almost a decade of alcohol abuse. He tells me "you are too young to have problems like this".
I guess because he seen many older members of my family pay for this addiction with their life, and he met me when I was in my early teens. I really dunno.
Soon he will be home from work and smell this on me, and I'm afraid he will leave me alone for good. Don't really blame him I wouldn't want to come home to this mess either. I was hiding and drinking when he left this morning and still am
Feeling really ashamed right now about being unable to control myself.
I'm home 24/7 cuz I lost my job showing up drunk.
My social life is typical of a drunk. I have isolated myself and alienated my friends.
The only ones I have left come to my house to drink and if I cut them off I'm all alone plus zero support.
I know you guys are gonna ask if I'm ready to throw in the towel, but I'm truly not but the effects are so devastating that I don't have a choice.
It's not only about a man but I'm still in the very same situation I was when I first picked up a bottle when i was 16, only difference is that my life wasn't and alcohol induced nightmare and I'm no longer in good health (I can almost hear kidneys saying their about to check out).

Sorry this is so depressing folks. Have a good day and gluck!

People would normally go running in the other direction after you unload all of this on them.
Thank you to those of you reading, and replying to my post, and allowing me to share.

Nonsensical

Been there, done that, and I have all the t-shirts. Alcohol addicts understand each other in ways non-alcoholics seldom can.

There is hope here. Stay with it. You can do this.

threadhead

I was just about to post my thanks to the S.R. community for their understanding. It's the reason I'm always drawn to this forum.