WhiteFeathers

Most of us alkies are used to drowning almost every social function in alcohol. We choose our friends based on the prominence of alcohol in their lives instead of more important qualities. It's not uncommon to get sober and realize that you've been hanging out with total low-lifes!

On the other hand, we may really like our friends but we are unsure about how to pursue friendships where imbibing alcohol is not the primary focus.

In my case, I feel like I have some wonderfully interesting friends, only all of us have been too lazy to actually get out there in the world and do something besides drink. I am a mother of two kids and when I get together with other parents, we drink. Could we possibly do something else??? Of course!

When I get together with my non-parent friends, we drink even more.

My question is: what can we do TODAY to invite our friends and family in non-drinking activities so we do not isolate ourselves and feel even worse?

I'm thinking about inviting a friend out to lunch today (not dinner) because even in this alcohol-saturated culture, day drinking is sketchy. If my companion wants to order a drink with lunch (which they probably wouldn't anyway), I can easily say that I have something to do later and that I don't want to be tired.

What about you? What can you initiate today with your friends and family that does not include alcohol??

Nonsensical

Scrabble.
Swimming.
Building stuff with wood.
Cooking.
Bicycling.
My son is trying to talk me into Insanity workouts, but I am resisting.

ScottFromWI

I hear where you are coming from WF, but I also think it's a common misconception among alcoholics that everyone else drinks, and that it's difficult to go out into the world without drinking.

The truth is that most people don't drink like we do, and for the most part most people couldn't care less if there is alcohol around or not. The only exception to this rule is other alcoholics.

Also, be careful about inviting ONLY your drinking friends to places or events where YOU don't plan on drinking. Remember they still drink and will probably find a way to do so.

Joe Nerv

What Scott said.

Once I fell in with non drinkers, I was really surprised at how you can actually do anything without drinking. And the whole world didn't drink the way I thought they did.

I at first made lots of friends in AA, but then just started attracting friends into my life that didn't drink. My wife is not an alcoholic, but doesn't drink. Same for people I spend time at work with, and my closest friends. It's a different world once the alcohol is gone for a while. And a much better one.

ersatzmatriarch

i actually initiated a sober get-together yesterday, and it was wonderful!

i invited my friend over for brunch (who i have done cocktails with before... though she is a normal drinker, and i'd go home after our two drinks to pound a bottle or two of wine alone on my couch), and she brought her daughter and i made a scrumptious meal to share.

she's going through a tough time in life right now, and i've been scared to reach out because i didn't want to end up facing the suggestion of cocktails. so... i planned this instead. her being a non-alcoholic, the idea of wine for brunch wasn't even a thought, so i felt safe. and... being sober and clear headed and able to share friendship with this friend who really needed some companionship was beautiful. and frankly, i don't know which of us benefitted more... i know she was thankful to be here, but i also received a great deal of joy in having her in my life and in my home yesterday. it was the first time i've 'hung out' sober, and i loved every second of it!

bigsombrero

Interesting post.

I am 38 years old and basically had to give up most of my friends. It's not easy - considering being a mature, single, non-drinker isn't exactly a social magnet for new friends! Sure I can still meet a couple of them for coffee from time to time, but people get busy, life changes, and I feel that a natural break was coming anyway.

In my experience making a true break from ALL of my old habits was neccessary for survival. I changed my lifestyle, and that means new people. I also changed my location, my outlook on life, everything.

Simply drinking tea instead of beer with the same friends would not have worked for me. In my experience a total makeover of one's social life is an effective (yet difficult) way to approach long-term sobriety.

Skyjumper

This question just occurred to me this morning. I was thinking about inviting my friends over for brunch or something. Say, on a Saturday. But it needs to be early enough in the day that they won’t turn it into a drinking event (and these guys and gals - and I -are real good at turning everything into a drinking event), but it needs to be late enough that they all won’t be hung over from the night before and unable to function. I like the idea of meeting someplace else, but that gets old and I want to continue entertaining my friends at my house.

Of course, all of this depends on ME actually being sober, so it’s just a glimmer of an idea at this point.

WhiteFeathers

Entertaining at my house wouldn't work!!!! My experience is that sitting around at home ultimately leads to drinking unless you are socializing with non-drinking people. I think it's because being at home IS kind of boring. For me, I think the key to staying sober is getting out of the house and out into the world of sobriety. I'm spending more time outdoors: hikes, swimming, walks around the city.

There's no way I'd host a dinner party or even a backyard barbeque this early in my sobriety with my drinking friends. I simply do not know how to do that sober.

Nighthawk8820

All my "Friends" ditched me, but I have made new ones since starting recovery. My friends now do drink, but in moderation, and they never pressure me. The other "Friends" slowly backed away when I announced I was over it all and wanted to change. The invites stopped coming in, and at first I was pretty upset. I now see they weren't friends, but we enjoyed being sloppy drunk together. That was the only thing we had in common the whole time. I don't even know who they really are if I think about it. Sobriety can be lonely, especially at first, but its funny how things sort of sort themselves out as you stick with it. I learned how to rely on and be on my own, with my faith and my determination. Now, Im picky about who I befriend on a deep level, because I think I am worth it.