Weasel1966

I was having a great sober weekend. Did so much. Felt so good. Then at about 1 Sunday I get a call from the woman across at the bar asking me to stop by for some lame reason. When I walked over there were a bunch of people wishing me happy birthday. And then......

Oh but I felt entitled. It was my birthday.... So I called my dealer... And then.....

But I did something I never do. I reached out high and drunk. Don't do that. No one wants to speak to you like that... Or at least me anyway. It's just not fair to the one you are speaking to.

I am at work today. Woosy. Angry.

Angry I gave that GREAT sober feeling away so easily. Did I have to drink and drug? No.

Can I blame them? No... I won't... I and only I am the one to make my decisions.

So I promised this person I spoke to that I would go to a meeting tonight.... And I keep promises. But more importantly I need to keep promises to myself.

I don't drink. I cannot drink.

There is never a good reason to use. Never.

All in all... I had one of the best sober birthdays in years. Until that my days were perfect. I can take this and club myself with it. But spending time beating myself up... Even the way I feel right now... Is only giving this crazy addiction more of me.... And I am just not going to do that.

Thanks sober weekenders. Hope I did not let you down.

sassu78

Relapses happen. Happy to see you back here!

Pedro1234

Happy birthday Weasel1966. Today is a new day

RobbyRobot

What's to say?

Life is what we make for ourselves - sober or not - as we all realize in our own ways. A return to drinking or drugging is not the way forward goes without saying - but having said that - we can from the ashes of whatever personal failure not be defeated in our ongoing journey to never again drink or drug ourselves into oblivion.

You've owned it, Ken. Awesome. Moving on now...

Weasel1966

Thank you all....

RR... I cannot let this be a big deal. AV may have been opportunistic yesterday but ken is not.

I love the feeling of being sober so much. I have a perm-a-grin on my face when I am. Lol

I learned from this.

NJKitty

That bites Weasel. You know what comes next. Pick up, dust off and keep stepping. Thank you for the post about how you were triggered. Please re-read it next time you get that call from that woman across the way.

Weasel1966

Thanks NJ.

I went over because I never expected anyone to do that. It felt great to be liked. I felt good and then all hell broke loose.

I need to move I think. This across the street thing... People stop by my house to say hello. Not good. Keeps me engaged where I should not be.

trikyriky

Today is a new day , with every new day comes hope , a new beginning. Make the best of it

Weasel1966

Thanks Ricky.... You are so right.

I have hope.... Because I have felt that great feeling of being sober. Feeling this sucks. I want that feeling back so bad.

I have had a few slip ups. Every time I say the same thing. I want that feeling of being clear back. That's a huge change from my past. And for that I am so thankful and humble.

sassu78

Weasel, I actually did move..but my situation was even worse; my roommate drank like I did and invited people to our place to drink...
Got my own place now in a new environment and I feel so much more better...

I wish you all the best!

jstar

Sorry to hear that weasel. ..but I know only too well what you are going through. It's sucky but don't dwell on it. Good for you to go to a meeting today, just keep trying

MyTimeNow

Ken, your posts are always inspiring - you've come so far on this journey and been through so much.

Here you are straight back on it, feeling crappy (what other way is there to feel?) and having learned from it.

I know how hard it is to admit and to get back in the saddle, so for that - you still inspire me. This time next year (Rodney) !

Weasel1966

Thanks Rodney! I certainly don't feel inspiring.

I have to come back at this as strong as possible. Not let it get any teeth. I hurt in my heart today. But I am not paying attention to it. Stay sober today. Go to my meeting. Share with you all. And tomorrow I will continue feeling better.

Not much else huh?

MyTimeNow

Sounds about right, straight back into sobriety, definitely don't let it get it's teeth in, been there done that. IT loves it. I don't!

I knew it was an English joke, and would probably be missed - my name's not Rodney, it's a quote from one of our old sitcoms Only Fools and Horses - This time next year Rodney!

My stepdad has a dog called Rodney though, so not far off!

Fandy

it's true you cannot blame the bar people who wished you a happy birthday...but if they know you are practising a nondrinking and drugging lifestyle, they are not being very helpful.

maybe you have to be more verbal about it?

at any rate, it happened and it was short-lived....I think your slips are further and further apart and your lifestyle is changing for the better.

mecanix

I ditched all my friends , a job , a house and a life to get away and my adiction and it followed me .
I think moving out of where i was had to happen, to enable me to progress, even though i was still trying to fight to control it for another 7 years after that .

Take care , M

Weasel1966

Lol... That's funny...

Fandy... Yes things have changed. A lot. Got more work to do.

M ... I admire you a lot. I think you know that. Doing all you did is what I need to do.

Nonsensical

Speed bump, just don't let it become a detour. We need you here, Buddy. I need you here. Be well.

Hevyn

Weasel - You are to be commended for your honesty - and the morning after no less.

I'm quite sure it would have led me to another binge - you aren't letting that happen. This is leading somewhere - it's a process - at least it was for me. You're on your way to lasting sobriety, tranquility, and peace of mind. Onward we go.

Weasel1966

Thanks hevyn ... You all mean so much to me. Being honest and accountable to you helps me. My shame feels awful. Imagine if I only added to that by lieing.

I feel like... I want to come up with a clever saying like non describes when he talks about a slip but cannot....crap. Lol