Sex & meth

Old 06-23-2013, 08:15 PM
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Sex & meth

Bit of a tricky question to raise but here I go...

I'm booked in for testing this Thursday. I've been doing some googling last night on stis & am concerned with the link between sex & meth. Does anyone have any experience with this? Do the 2 come hand in hand? Is it possible for my husband to be on week long benders & not be doing this? I hadn't really let my mind go there before.

I've been calm the last week feeling I grasp the whole addiction thing. But now I'm angry again. I get addiction is a sickness & addicts lie & do bad things to feed their habit. It's out of their control. Or is it? Do some addicts go further than others? Is an addicts behaviour purely about the drug or is it how the drug combines with their personality? Do/can addicts set boundaries for themselves? My husband swore black & blue that he never cheated but after my Internet reading things don't sound good.

Some will say, what does it matter if he did or didn't. But it matters to me. If he did, I'm at high risk. He assured me over & over he would never cheat or share needles - hes not that stupid he said.
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Old 06-24-2013, 03:48 AM
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The answers to the never ending questions.

I do believe that experiences will vary, bottom plays, but then maybe not. So maybe it is more how sick the thinking was from the get go, or from before. The dynamics are fascinating and complicated …

In terms of using ... Out of ones control, what they do? There is an acceptable risk, and I find that I was aware of it. Most addicts I know seem to be aware of it. Most I know want something more if they could only figure out how to remove themselves as part of the problem. I don’t deem addicts as hapless victims, even if do know addiction is a disease of the brain….but even with the brain hijacked, that doesn’t mean one is incapable of thinking or taking care of themselves.

Propensity plays heavily but experience will still vary.

I do like “there are good and evil people in this world and some happen to be addicts“. And it tends to fit “drugs as a symptom of the disease“, type thinking, which is something I do believe in. But the question remains are the demons excited already within? Can a normal, peaceful person ( with no propensity ) be totally out of their mind and hurt someone and not mean it while using, absolutely … But then the question becomes is the chance worth the risk for those who watch, too closely, who do know? It can’t be about them, the worry or fear they will hurt themselves or others…because they just might. We can’t know what one is capable of doing when using, or if they never would have if they didn‘t use. So you have to always look at what is in front of you, NOW.

In reflecting … I have been know to say I did nothing high I wouldn’t do straight. I might not be as impulsive, but not using isn’t necessarily going to stop me, even from making bad choices. But what I have found as time has passed, is that the thinking is different, much healthier, the propensity isn’t there which tends to make me wonder if maybe this go around I might be on to something.

I can only share what I lived, nothing made me want sex more or less, actually using I didn’t tend to want to be bothered by anyone and yet using I have done some wild things sexually … but I would still do em not using. I am not good with questions like this because I tend to just do what I want.

I have such a hard time when it comes to meth … I think using it is what makes it hard to not go right into a description of twisted, unpredictable, dangerous. It’s the unpredictable that sticks out the most, no one can tell you what he is capable of using. And just because he was using, doesn’t mean any of the behaviors shown should be dismissed.

My husband always said he didn’t share needles. Did I believe him, yeah I did, but that didn’t stop me from getting tested to make sure I was ok. I am and he is as well. What does that mean, who knows really.

Remember everything needs to be about your health, and peace of mind and physical safety. I am glad you are getting tested. Everyone in a relationship with an iv user should.

Take good care of you. And try not to drive yourself to crazy with questions.
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Old 06-24-2013, 04:08 AM
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I think a reality of living with an active addict is that you need to protect yourself from STD's, Hep C, or worse.

Not all addicts cheat, some addictions can cause impotence, but sadly, promiscuity and unprotected sex outside the relationship happens often enough to make using caution a necessity to protect your own health.

You are very wise to get checked.

I am sorry for what you are going through and hope you continue to protect yourself or put distance between you.

Hugs
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Old 06-24-2013, 04:58 AM
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Thank you both very much. I just want to get this testing out the way now. Yes the endless questions...

Incitingsilence, that was very informative thkyou. To try summarise, drug addiction alters you & your behaviour but you are still aware of what you're doing & the risks associated with your behaviour? drugs are not like alcohol where people 'blank out?' It's not possible to come off drugs & think 'omg wat have I done'. Sorry for my ignorance.
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Old 06-24-2013, 06:11 AM
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I can only speak for this former meth head. When I was doing meth, I was not thinking about sex. I was only thinking about more meth.

However, the limits of what I would do for that meth, how low I would sink, were never fully tested.

I wish you well.
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Old 06-24-2013, 06:20 AM
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There are no real answers, what I wrote was just my experience and is my opinion. Again everything is individualized.

The risk is acceptable, it is a level of bottom thing. Each level down you sell a bit more of your soul and it is acceptable in the moment. That doesn’t mean your thinking is ok, or that you might be aware of what you are selling of yourself at the time. It just is what it is. Addiction is a progressive disease, you keep using it will never get better. Any moments of clarity can work well to keep you chained to the next hit. I have put myself from very young into dangerous situations for the high. It didn’t matter, I didn’t matter, and the high was more important. But I was also very able to say no, because I had some situations where I did say no, they were far and few between but the last time ( back then anyway ) I am sure I saved my own life.

The risk of death extremely acceptable. I would find hard to believe that anyone in this day and age doesn’t know the risks of using and that death is a possibility. Denial works very well here for most addicts. They watch friends die, od themselves and it isn’t going to get them to see anymore than anything else until they are ready to see, then it might serve a purpose for one.

And yes you can black out using drugs as much as alcohol. I hallucinated on meth, but was aware in some way I was hallucinating, not all are. I have blacked out may times from drinking and using drugs. I have 2 years where I am missing say 85 percent of what happened in my life. I have bits and pieces but nothing is clear no matter how hard I try to put the pieces to the puzzle back together. I had to rely on my friends to do that for me. And I have no hang ups with remembering either. These weren’t memories I stuffed away because they scarred me, those oddly came back with no problem once I was willing to work on myself heal my past. But I still have so much time missing, and the drugs and alcohol where the reason why.

Everything is speculation, everything is based on what real people went through. That doesn’t mean that all addicts are the same, not all steal, not all lie about everything, not all have to hit the lowest of lows to get well and then some do and even more important some like it, they love the high, thrive in addiction, some thrive in jail … it is most twisted, but nonetheless just part of each individuals path.

You have to get past these questions, everyone does. Don’t entertain them to long. It is much more important to figure out your why’s. That is where you learn the most, and find the answers that you really need to make sure you have a wonderful life.
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Old 06-24-2013, 06:39 AM
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Self care. That's the really important thing here. The one very predictable thing about addiction is that it is a very self centered disease. An addict doesn't necessarily think about the dangers to themselves and certainly not to anybody else. My son is a recovering meth addict. He hasn't shared a whole lot of his experiences with me but what he has indicates that there was little control over anything he did. If it was going to rush those pleasure centers in the brain, he was going to do it. Of course, sex is a great pleasure rush.

At this point, you are getting tested and that's great. You're taking care of you. Talk to your healthcare provider. Find out whether condoms will prevent the transmission of STD's or if abstinence is important......and then do what is best for YOU.

Addicts lie to cover up their own shame. They lie to keep themselves in denial and protect their addiction. I wouldn't suggest anyone leave their health and welfare in the hands of someone who is actively addicted to meth. Period.

Take care of you.

gentle hugs
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Old 06-24-2013, 06:55 AM
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Thank you doggonecarl you have eased my mind.

And wow thkyou incitingsilence. An amazing explaination of something im struggling to understand. I'm not sure if i ever really will.

Ok, no more questions I promise. Ive spent the day getting worked up over what ifs. Back to working on moving forward...

Thks again
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Old 07-03-2013, 09:57 PM
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In my experience (maybe not others) YES YES sex and meth go hand in hand. I was an IV meth user for 5 years with what I had thought to be the love of my life also a meth user. When we weren't having sex he was watching porn which became another addiction of his. He could watch it for hours. The porn began having certain themes and I witnessed anger in him when he couldn't find the right flick to satisfy him. When porn or our sex wasn't enough (when I became pregnant and sober and not dirty and raunchy enough) I was in denial that he was out with others having sex. When I was high I wanted to stay home and remained faithful to him. Sad but true. When he was high he needed danger including robbing people, wild methfueled UNSAFE sex with strangers, and spending his time at anything goes drug houses . Even in his continued use it was me he "loved" and wanted to be his safe spot but meth made him crave sex and crime. He would always have an excuse why he was delayed somewhere or why I couldn't go with him certain places later to find out it was a kind of party I wouldn't have been into. Even in my heavy use I was more "square " than the others and only wanted him. In the meth world there are several people that have random sex that do not use condoms and would share a needle if they don't have one. I finally found out he was cheating when I was giving birth to our daughter and he was in a meth psychosis on a crime spree. I promise you I have been at the point you are feeling and its almost 6 years later and I'm just now finally starting to heal. It takes time but several years later I'm so happy I left. He is cheating you out of the love you deserve, time with you and the children ,money and maybe more while he is with his meth. I believe he most likely does love you but he might just love meth more right now. Do not believe a word someone says on meth. His assurance he would "never cheat or share a needle" is not valid while he is still using. His friend told you he was with two women. Protect yourself.
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Old 07-05-2013, 08:19 AM
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Wow thks kissthestars. I asked! Scary. Good on you for giving up meth & walking away!
I don't know what to think anymore about meth & sex so I've decided to stop thinking. It was too stressful imaging the details on 'the other side.' I was imaging all sorts. I think my litle body reached its limit & overheated & decided that calming down was the only option. My husband of course denies everything. I almost wish I hadn't brought it up with him as its kinda over shadowed the drug thing. Regardless I've been to the drs today for a full checkup. Fingers crossed.
I'm on my break in the city at the moment with my girls. The first night I felt lost but now I'm feeling good. Its nice to be around happy people! Im also seeing a counscellor next week. My husband has actually been ringing, knowing we're down here. I didnt answer yesterday cause it messes with my head. He didn't call when we were home alone in the middle of nowhere!
Thks again for your post & reality check
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Old 07-05-2013, 09:08 AM
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I hope you enjoy your time away and resist talking to him. Time away from the insanity will give you so much clarity.

My prayers are with you for a clean bill of health.
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