tired28

Its my 9th day of sobriety today and I cannot figure out how I feel about it. I feel like I'm on the verge of tears constantly. I cannot sleep more than 6 hours a night for the past week. I don't feel like "myself" so to speak. I am worried all the time and scared of how my life will change. My entire family on both sides have problems with alcohol along with my friends aswell (although no one will ever admit it.) I am feeling scared that I will loose all the people around me and that our relationships will dissipate as time goes on. I saw them all this weekend but didn't know how to talk to anyone anymore. I was quiet and felt uncomfortable the entire time. I felt like they were kind of avoiding me , like I wasn't entertaining enough anymore. I felt like I didn't "fit in" so to speak. They all know of my decision not to drink but they almost seemed like they didn't want any part of they boring things I did this weekend. I only hung out with my kids and went to church. They all went to my cousins stag and all had an amazing time it seems. This was only my second weekend sober but I am already feeling like I have become boring to them and that over time they will not call me to hang out with them at all. I am on the verge of breaking down as I write this because I have had such a close circle around me always, and I cannot imagine them not wanting me around anymore. I could seriously see this happening. I do not know a life sober. I feel like I have no social skills sober. I have always been the most outgoing, loud laughing, fun person. I DO NOT FEEL LIKE HER ANYMORE. I am quiet, not much to say and I haven't really even had a laugh in the past few days. Is a life of being sober worth losing everybody around you for? I don't even feel like I could make new friends anymore because I have no idea how to speak to people sober. It sounds weird I know, but I think I just and to get out how I am feeling. Plus I am eating everything in site. I was hoping to loose weight, not gain it! Anyone have any advice or had these thoughts in early recovery.

And BTW Staying sober is the only option for me! I want to be sober! I am just worried about what the future may be for me.

Kayla50

I wish I was being strong like you. I'm a mess. My sister is getting married today and was told to leave after they caught me having been drinking yesterday. I was supposed to be the maid of honor. I went to a meeting, but I might drink. I'm sooo depressed.

escapist

Good job on your sobriety. Hunger happens to a lot of us when we stop drinking. Try not to worry about what "others" might be thinking. You can drive yourself crazy with that. You are trying to change yourself and that can make you feel insecure. You are showing great courage right now.

tired28

Please don't drink Kayla. You can do this. How will drinking solve what just took place? It wont, and it will just make things 10x worse. I know that as hard as it is to stay sober, we have to get through the tough times we are facing and probably going to face in the future. Its now or never. At least you will be able to say to them tomorrow that you didn't drink TODAY. I don't have answers for you on how to fix things or even how to make it up to anybody. But making the same mistake over and over certainly would not be a step in the right direction. Time heals all wounds (most of them anyway). If you can keep trying hopefully they will be able to forgive and forget. But that certainly will not happen while you are still drinking. Good luck to you Kayla! : hug

jstar

Hi tired! Congrats on 9 days of awesomeness!

I have to say from my own experience, things do change with relationships after getting sober. You just have to plan sober things with friends to keep the relationship going. What I found, which may not be super encouraging, after rehab and starting AA and not drinking/not going to drinking events anymore, I have realized that a lot of the friendships I thought I had were superficial and/or centered around drinking.

What I also noticed/realized is that my non-alcoholic friends really just didn't know what to say or how to talk to me when I fist saw them all after rehab. It was super uncomfortable. ...totally understand that! I think they still don't know a year later...me stopping drinking ended about 90% of my friendships...but I am slowly gaining new friends that are sober and well...that's just life & I'm okay with it.

Things do change but I think of it as just a new chapter in my life. I thought I used to be the fun one back partying. ..I'm sure my friends don't miss picking me up off the floor or me trying to hit on them AND their husbands! I am not THAT girl anymore that I thought was so much fun but was really a train wreck!

Spinach

Your emotions will calm down as will the jumpiness.
Not only will you be able to be the centre you will also be able to
remember it.
Life will get better , sometimes it's just a case of waiting but it will transform like a butterfly out of a chrysalis .
John.

sj999

Kayla, you can be strong too! I'm so sorry to hear about your sister's wedding - that sounds very painful, but you can do it! I hope that you feel better soon. Don't beat yourself up. You deserve to treat yourself with kindness.

CLR24

I remember, when I first stopped drinking, I felt so alone. How could I have fun? I am such a boring person now....Your brain chemistry has been changed from the consumption of alcohol on the level most of us alcoholics drank at. The physical symptoms of alcohol change pretty rapidly, but the mental ones, take weeks,months,years, if they every completely go away. You must be patient right now. Massive change is taking place in your life and what you feel today you won't next week and that will change in the following week and so on. It has been my experience if someone treated me poorly for my abstaining it was their own fears coming out. Please be patient, life will get better if you want it too. Romanticizing alcohol and remembering the so called "good times"will only lead you down the path to relapse. Thinking of it like it really was is a good way to keep on the path to sobriety. The real you will come out,not the numbed drunk one, true relationships will begin and you will see you are fun.
Take care.

Pedro1234

tired28
I have been sober for 78 days today. I made some posts early on that are near exactly like yours. My family and friends as well as work colleagues are all big drinkers. It is difficult as i was also outgoing and the life of the party. The thing is as time passes the benefits that you get from being sober by far out ways the life that you lead being drunk. People either accept you as you are or they don't. If they don't they are not really worth having around anyway. I have found that i am getting more used to being around people sober and i am learning to interact positively without the drink now anyway. Hang in there, maybe you wont be dancing on tables anymore but it will get easier to mix positively with people whilst you are sober

Grungehead

I came to realize that not only did most of my friends drink like me, but I picked all of my friends. I'm pretty sure I picked them at least partly because they drank like me. Now I don't drink, so it wouldn't make sense for me to hang around people who are constantly drinking. I kept a couple of good friends from my drinking days that didn't seem to mind if we did stuff that didn't involve drinking. I drifted away from the ones that insisted that alcohol be part of the equation. Their idea of fun was going to bars, nightclubs or any other activity where they could have a drink in their hands. Since I'm no longer drinking that is no longer my idea of fun. I refuse to ruin my life with drinking just to fit in...I will (and have) found new friends that don't make all of their decisions around alcohol.

Nighthawk8820

You are new, what the hell did you expect? Its been 6 days and you are clearly in withdrawal. Emotions run hot and cold like a faucet during this time, and so do physical symptoms. You cannot put too much emphasis on anything you think or feel right now, because its not based on reality. Its the addiction, mixed with withdrawal, and fear. Its a lovely experience, but one we have all been through. You wont always feel like this, so give it some time. You drank for how long? So why expect miracles after 6 days? I bet you feel amazing in 3-4 months from now, but you wont know unless you stick with it. God bless.

PS. Alcohol stunts you social and emotional growth, so in recovery, you will learn to be social, confident, and how to stand on your own two feet without the crutch of alcohol. Its super freeing and feels awesome, but its a process like everything else.

Threshold

This may sound way out there, but this is what I remind myself at times, when I am tempted to do something misguided to fit in, keep family and friends "happy", etc. I remind myself that there are people all over the world who have to start from scratch for all sorts of reasons.

war, famine, refugees, lost family in fire or tragic accident,hurricane, tornado, tsunami, witness protection, or in days gone by immigrated across continent or ocean with no modern communication devices...families never heard from again.

People do it and survive it and make new lives and friends and sometimes even family.

Funny thing is, in some twisted way it's harder when we have the option to hang on (and we pretend drinking will allow us to keep all the good things in our life) If we HAD NO CHOICE...many of us would grieve, pull ourselves up and forge on, but because we tell ourselves we DO have a choice...we flounder.

This may sound crazy extreme, but it's a reality check that I use to help me put my life in perspective. Getting sober, no matter how I try to twist it, isn't a tragedy on any level.

Deckard

tired28, great job on day 9. In my experience it is normal at this point to feel kind of unmoored. There is so much in flux right now -- as you say, sleep, relationships, eating... It may take a little while for some of this to come into a new equilibrium, but it will.

You say that staying sober is your only option, so keep on going. The bigger issues you are concerned about can't be solved tonight, but right now you can do one thing that is absolutely necessary and will without question help you: don't drink.

tired28

Oh I am defiantly sticking with it! And your right, I did know that I probably feeling like this because I am just newly sober.

GracieLou

First off, slow down. Breath. You are nine days sober. Your mind and you body are going through some rapid changes. Crying is okay. Feeling all over the map is okay too. At times we are thrown on these emotional roller coasters. They do stop and let us get off for a while. This to, shall pass.


That may be but it is not your place to judge them OR compare yourself to them.

You have to worry about you. What you need to do for you. What steps you have to take for you. That you are not going to drink today, for you. This is your life.



I am not going to lie to you. This could very well happen. Do I feel it will be all? No. I am certain there is family member or two that might still be your family member even if you don't drink with them.

I doubt they were all avoiding you and if they were it was because they are uncomfortable. Alcoholics surround themselves with other people that drink like them or at least close to that because it make us feel normal. Once we are sober we can really see that is not normal. Normal people do not drink large amounts of alcohol all time nor do they make alcohol surround every function they have.


Only? That is a big deal! That sounds pretty good to me. I am sure your kids enjoyed hanging out with a sober parent.




You can still be a loud, laughing and fun person. Just beause we are sober does not mean you are never going to have fun or laugh again. I know it might not feel like that right now but you will. I think one of the biggest reasons that I did not stay sober last time, besides going to AA but not working the program, was that I was afraid of losing myself. That some how the me would fade away. I have found that not to be the case. I am still me but actually better. I am more giving and grateful. I am more open minded and less judgemental. I also found that while some personality traits improved others remained the same. Either I have to work on these or I have to except that I am that way, especially if these do not effect anyone but me.


Are you going to AA? If not do you have another recovery support system that you are going to? SR is a wonderful tool for information and support but it cannot always replace the face to face with other people that are sober or getting sober.

tired28

I have not yet attend AA but I am going to a meeting tonight for sure. I went in the past to a couple meetings but I wasn't to keen on it, (because I was not completely ready to give up drinking all together,) and I felt like I would be judged if I continued drinking ( like I was a fake). This time however, I feel like I could really grab on to the program. I have never (except while being pregnant) Had a full 9 days with-out a single drink. I am trying to heal my brain finally and I know the one drink alone could compromise my sobriety. I am looking forward to trying again, with a more open mind.

GracieLou

I am glad you are going to try again.

The only requirement is the desire to stop drinking and from what I can see you have that.

I was only sober while I was pregnant too. The rest of the 26 years was drinking in some form and to some degree right up to the day I called AA. I was drunk when I called and I was drunk when the lady picked me up and I was drunk at the meeting.


I needed face to face support. I needed to go to these meetings and be around other that undersood me. I needed to work the program and the steps.

I am three months sober today.

ArcticSA

I so know what you are going through. I feel your pain and confusion completely. Your thoughts are my exact thoughts 5 months ago.
For years and years I was the party/drunk girl, the crazy one at the party, the one who people would talk about the next day(even though I would have no memory of it...)
I married into a free-drinking party family 6 years ago and there also I was embraced as my husbands wife who "loooooves her beer", and that was a GOOD thing.
The thing is no one saw the negative side, they saw fun,crazy, outgoing, funny. They didn't see the day after. Me being an absent mother snappy and miserable.
When word spread they didn't take it seriously. They thought it was temporary. They would bide their time 'til I started again.

I remember vividly my first cookout with the family. Coolers of beer,bottles of liquor, people in various stages of drunkeness. And there I was, sober as a judge and sticking out like a sore thumb.
I felt like everyone was wondering, judging, watching.

You see, what NOONE knew is that the "real me" is quiet, reserved, and introverted.
I had (have) all the same thoughts as you. "they are gonna think Im a snob" "they are gonna think I think Im better then them" "How am I even gonna join in a conversation" "Im gonna be the one BORING one at this cook out!"

The me as they view me has changed almost 100% and 5 months later it can still be awkward. But it has gotten better.
I had to realize Ive known these people for years, I love them, they love me, and we are family.
Alcohol is gone, but there can be a new beginning, basically new relationships can be made.
Its interesting, when I think about it, I have gradually moved away from the people who were my "besties/drinkin buddies" and now hang with people who I wouldnt have really hung with before because, well, they just didnt drink enough.

Everything does change, but if the people are worth it, they will embrace the new you. It takes time, and believe me I know it seems impossible.
But it's not! Last week I was at a large social gathering and I was sitting on a a swing and I found something really funny and I laughed, like guffawed really loud and some people looked over and smiled and I just realized, "holy crap I am laughing and having a good time. Sober. At a drunk-filled cookout. Being Social. WHAT!?

Give yourself a break, and give yourself a couple of months, slowly, the sober you will come out of your shell.
At first I would say, just recuperate, you have a lot of healing to do, but after a while, you should start practicing, because its gonna take a lot of practice to learn how to be social, sober.
I know it seems unfathomable that those words even go together, but I am living proof it can happen! I am SOBER and SOCIAL and you can be too!!!

WhiteFeathers

I'm in the same situation as you (I think most people in new sobriety face the same problem). It's amazing how much our society is completely saturated in alcohol. In my case, every single social gathering is just a massive drinking-fest. Even the fundraisers for the kid's school are alcohol-related. There's the wine and art auction (where everyone gets wasted) and the spring margarita party (where again everyone gets wasted).

I went to a friend's house for dinner the other night and there were about 20 bottles of wine strewn all over the table. Alcohol is everywhere.

This made me think that it's not me who has the problem, it's our current society and it's insistence on putting booze on a pedestal that has the problem. I just can't drink like that anymore and function.

But stick to your guns! You might actually inspire someone. So far, everyone I've told about my quitting drinking has said the same thing--they would like to change their drinking too.

My best friend told me a few months ago that she was quitting drinking for a year (for health reasons, she is a total health nut). Too bad she lives on the other coast or I'd have a buddy.

There are so many things to do sober with your friends, you just need to initiate them. You mentioned you wanted to lose weight: that could be something you share with your friends and invite them to go to a yoga class with you, go on a hike, visit a juice bar, go swimming. Or just start doing these things yourself and when your friends see how amazing and healthy you look, they will want to follow in your footsteps.

And find new friends!! Most of my friends are drinking buddies too. Some of them will surely go by the wayside, but some friendships will undoubtedly strengthen because we will be spending quality time together actually making memories instead of just numbing out together.

tired28

Wooowwww Arctic, U sound like my twin! I am going to give myself time for sure. I don't like drinking anymore, it doesn't make me feel good or even happy. And I have been far more present with my kids, they are more important than anyone in my life and I wouldn't disappoint them anymore over ANYBODY else. Im sure things will turn out just fine with time. Drinking had its upsides in the social department, but the hangovers, the constant emotional rollercoaster, I was turning into a dumbass who couldn't remember anything, the damage it was doing to my body, and my relationship with my kids WAS NOT WORTH IT!