hesmyeverything

I am a new comer and have been reading threads from time to time. Im sorry there are so many of us in the same if not similar situations. I have a bf of 5.5 years and he's an alcoholic about 18pk daily. and a 21 yr old son who's a herion addict for several years now and norcos before that. DUI last year. I recently kicked him out to protect myself and his two little sisters. He has stolen vicodin from my mom (90day supply) stolen from my garage, a bike, cash from my purse, written a small check from my checking account, and now 2 laptops and a ps3, (he said he borrowed and will bring them back) but I think they are gone. Court Tuesday and think he will be going to jail for missed classes for the third time and outstanding court fees.

I'm trying to be strong "tough love" but hard when he hasn't showered for a week (came by yesterday to shower a d get some clothes) and lives here and there including the park. No where for him to stay; no family or friends. I can only help so much and is effecting his sisters relationship with him as well. They have become bigger because of the stealing, looking high, and lies.

He has a job but cannot drive for another 6-12 months. He wants help but will loose his job he needs in order to rent a room from an acquaintance and pay cell phone I have been paying for two years.

I recently joined alanon. But that helps once a week. Just looking for advise on how to get thru this. I love him to no end but continues to disappoint and hurt us. So hard to deal with both of them and be strong for my daughters. These men disappoint me.

Thank you for listening

(Not sure if I did this column right sorry)

honeypig

Looks like you did everything just fine w/making your post! Welcome to SR, and glad you found your way here, altho sorry you have a need to be here....

Good for you for looking out for yourself and your girls. I'm sure Alanon has already told you that you didn't Cause the problems with alcohol/drugs, you can't Control it, and you surely can't Cure it. Your BF and his son will have to experience the results of their addictions and hopefully come to the realization that they NEED and WANT to get sober; you seem to understand that you can't force this, and again, that's good for you.

This forum also has a section for family and friends of substance abusers and alcoholics; here's the link to that section The Alcoholism and Addictions Help Forums- by SoberRecovery.com in case you'd like to do some reading there and maybe post also. Don't miss the stickied threads at the top of the page for each section--maybe some of that reading material will help tide you over between Alanon meetings.

Again, sorry you're going thru this tough time, and welcome to SR--please keep returning, reading and posting. There are many here w/a lot of hard-won experience and wisdom, and they share it freely. It's been a great help to me and I hope you find the same.

hesmyeverything

Thank you honeypig.
I'm so new and don't know how to use this SR website. Thank you for reference i will check it out. BF wont change and wont get help. He will leave willingly before doing anything of such. Son says he does but been 7 years i believe. I keep praying something will change.
Thank you again. Enjoy your day.

honeypig

Sadly, the only thing that you can count on changing in this situation is yourself--you have the power to make your life what you want it to be. If your BF wants to continue as he has been, he most certainly will, and all your efforts to get him to change will be a waste of your valuable time and energy, not to mention the emotional rollercoaster you'll be on.

Many here have been where you are now, and you'll find a lot of strength and hope on these forums as people post about how they have dealt with their situations and how they have changed their lives for the better. You can do it too; you'll feel your strength growing in time.

Wishing you some peace and clarity today, even if only for a little while!

least

to SR! You've got a lot on your plate right now. I'm glad you're getting support from alanon. Can your son move out on his own? That might bring you some peace.

Hevyn

I'm so sorry for what you're going through. It must be so hurtful and frustrating.

I hope you'll feel a bit better being here with us. Our Friends & Family Forum is a great place too - many have been in the same situation. I'm glad you found us and have reached out for support.

hesmyeverything

He no longer lives with me. I kicked him out 1 1/2 weeks ago Waiting for 2 laptops and ps3 to return home. He has or had them. He won't answer my text or calls regarding. Not sure how to tell bf my son stole his things. Ughhhh. I'm soooo stressed. I know they are gone.